Street Fighter: Wooden Boards of Fury

The Context: Long before M. Bison had to defeat Sheng Long to stand a chance, Ryu and Ken were knocking out fools in the original Street Fighter arcade game. With its two GIANT buttons (later converted to the more familiar six-button layout of Street Fighter II, III and IV), Street Fighter was an easy game to spot. Unfortunately, few gamers played this clunky fighting game longer than a match or two. If they stuck with the game they would have discovered a fun mini-game where they could rack up big points for very little work.

The Rules: For this mini game you need three brave interns, a few blocks of wood, a kickass tiger painting, a room with checkered floors and enough space to safely assemble all these pieces. On one side of the room a man will stand holding a block of wood. Across the room are two men, one ducking and another standing on his shoulders. The two are holding blocks of wood. It's the contestant's job to break all three blocks of wood before time runs out. Don't worry about smacking the interns around; their job comes with a good medical plan.

The Verdict: The original Street Fighter is the furthest thing from a great game, so it shouldn't surprise me that this half-assed bonus stage is also a huge disappointment. This stage makes no logical sense. If I was hosting a bonus stage that is to challenge a mighty karate champ who has kicked butt all around the world; I would probably go for something more elaborate. He's a master of his craft, how challenging can kicking three pieces of wood be? This is the kind of boring exercise Ryu can do in his sleep. I would have gone big. Ryu wouldn't have exited that bonus stage without first battling a pair of massive tigers. Now that's what I call a bonus stage!

Completely Missing the Point: There's something a little odd about Ryu's personal style choices. No, it's not his radical change of hair color. I can accept a natural redhead experimenting with darker hair; Ryu certainly wouldn't be the first person to pick up a box of L'Oreal hair color. No, my problem has to do with those red slippers he's sporting in this 1987 Street Fighter. Fans of the series will note that in all subsequent installments, Ryu went barefoot. But in this first game he appears to be wearing sparkling ruby slippers. Just keep repeating: "There's no place like home, there's no place like home ..."