J.J. & Jeff: Wait ... WHAT?!?

For the eleventh day of the 32 Game Endings of Christmas we've decided to shake things up a bit. For the past week and a half we've looked at normal games with traditional endings. Today we're bucking that trend and getting to the bottom of J.J. & Jeff. It may not be the most memorable ending of all time, but it's about time we all see what happens at the end of this crazy bong hit of a TurboGrafx-16 game.

Previously On J.J. & Jeff: Based on their 27 inch TV and row of lockers in their living room, we can tell that J.J. & Jeff are stay-at-home private investigators. One day the two private dicks get an urgent call about a recent kidnapping. Apparently a rich man has gone missing and his family wants to hire these two bumbling investigators to track him down. And that, my friends, is where the story ends.

J.J. & Jeff is nearly impenetrable. While the original Japanese version was based on a popular television show, this Americanized port opted to simply throw everything at the wall to see what stuck. No matter which hero you choose, the other spends most of the game trying to sabotage you for no good reason (it is implied that they live together, after all). You spend most of your time kicking light posts, huge boulders and bird poop. Lots and lots of bird poop. There's no rhyme or reason for the level progression or the bosses, it's just a grab bag of crazy ideas that don't go together. Clearly something has been lost in translation.

How It Ended: So apparently the kidnapper is a boulder throwing toughie sporting a pink bandana. He lives in a house that is next to the forest, which was next to a tropical island ... on second thought, maybe we shouldn't dwell on how we got here. All I know is that I had to fight a swarm of soda can throwing FBI agents and jump over a pit that would have spent my back to the first level had I fallen in. Yeah, this game is a serious douche bag.

Now with the nameless boulder throwing kidnapper out of the way, J.J. & Jeff are free to rescue the very rich man. Back at the mansion, the rich guy offers the duo a handsome reward. For saving his life he decides to give them EVERYTHING! Well, everything that can fit in this tiny bag. But just as they go to grab it, the bag of money runs away from the investigators. All of a sudden we see J.J. & Jeff chasing the old man, then the old man chasing them, and so on so forth. It's certainly reminiscent of the most popular cut scene in Pac-Man. But we'll talk more about that next year when we dig into the 31 Cut Scenes of Christmas.

How It Should Have Ended: With the money running away and the old man freaking out, this would have been the perfect time for one of these dicks to take control of the situation. Chances are these private investigators were police officers at one time, so they should know a thing or two about calming things down. Once everything is back to normal, it's time for J.J. & Jeff to ask the tough questions. Like, why was this guy kidnapped? Did he know the boulder throwing man? And seriously, J.J., what the hell was that island?