Super Mario Bros. 2: Waking Life

It's the 24th episode of the 32 Game Endings of Christmas. Today we're taking a look at one of the most controversial sequels of all time: Super Mario Bros. 2. Mario, the Princess, Luigi and Toad return for another adventure that is NOTHING like the first game. Of course, that's because this didn't start out as a Mario game. But that's neither here nor there, because Super Mario Bros. 2 has one of the most interesting endings in 8-bit history!

Previously On Super Mario Bros. 2: It's a you, Mario. All you know is that you were dropped into this new world through a door. And when I say dropped, I mean that you immediately plummet three hundred feet to your death. But you're Mario; you don't have an issue with fall damage. You open the door in the middle of nowhere and discover a colorful new world full of crazy new baddies and lots of vegetables. The sun is up and there's not a single floating question mark box anywhere to be seen. It doesn't take long before you realize that Super Mario Bros. 2 is going to be a radically different experience.

Mario, Luigi Toad and the Princess have all teamed up to make their way through this crazy new world and defeat the evil Wart. Apparently this large frog villain is stealing all of the vegetables and is using it as weapons. It's up to the four of you (each with different special abilities) to make it through each of the levels, defeat all of the bosses, find the key and figure out how to defeat Wart. With so much to get done, I won't blame you if you warp a few times.

How It Ended: If Wart had known that Toad would use his ammo against him, I bet this madman wouldn't have created those vegetable shooting tubes. But alas, Wart wasn't that smart. In fact, now that I think about it, nothing in this world was very smart. Between the flying carpet rides, evil vegetables and egg-throwing transvestite birds, Super Mario Bros. 2 doesn't make a whole lot of sense. At one point you climb into a small jar only to realize that it contains an enormous room full of sand, keys and enemies. What was that about?

It turns out that there's a good reason for this madness. That's right; it was all a dream. Mario was sleeping this whole time. The writing was on the wall from the get-go. You start the game by falling to your death and battle the evil foods you had before bed. Instead of sheep, we see images of the game's bad guys dance over Mario's head. He looks so peaceful in his pajamas. Sleep tight, Mario, because when you wake up it's going to be another busy day of rescuing the Princess and saving the Mushroom Kingdom from backed-up toilets. A mascot's job is never done.

How It Should Have Ended: Upon seeing visions of world where he isn't constantly being nagged to rescue some ditzy damsel in distress, Mario becomes incredibly depressed. He realizes that his short time on this planet is being ruled by a woman who doesn't even have the good sense to buy a door lock. This broad is going to get Mario killed and there's nothing he can do about it. In order to keep the Princess alive, Mario has to sacrifice a part of himself. He turns to alcohol, which leads to several failed marriages and too many children to count. These days nobody calls him "super" any more.