The Goonies II: Konami Takes Credit

It's the 26th day on our 32 Game Endings of Christmas adventure. Up next we have The Goonies II, the confusing second chapter for Mikey and the gang. Here you have to use your puzzle solving skills to save your friends and a mermaid. But there's more to it than that, involving an interruption by the company that made this terrible game. Find out why this is one of the most memorable game endings of all time when you pretend to read another episode of the 32 Game Endings of Christmas!

Previously On The Goonies II: The Goonies II is more than a little confusing. For one thing, this appears to be a sequel to an NES game that doesn't exist. What's weirder, there is no such movie as The Goonies II. This is a game that simply exists to confuse and befuddle the core 8-bit audience. But maybe that shouldn't matter, because Mikey's on a very serious mission. Apparently the Fratellis have kidnapped the rest of the Goonies and it's up to one extremely brave kid to save the day.

But wait ... weren't the Fratellis arrested in the first movie/game? Well, apparently it didn't stick, because this unfortunate stereotype of a family is back to their old ways. To make matters worse, these Italian counterfeiters have also decided to kidnap a mermaid. That's right, a mermaid! Now Mikey has to work his way through houses and caves full of annoying platforming puzzles. Thankfully nobody is waiting on Chunk to save the day.

How It Ended: After exploring the caverns below, Mikey finds an old wizard who has information on how to rescue the kidnapped mermaid. It's for the best that Mikey doesn't ask any questions, at this point a crazy old wizard is the least of his problems. The old man points to a small hole in the floor. Here Mikey needs to put on the diving gear he found and locate the underwater jail cell where the mermaid is kept.

As he nears the claustrophobic mermaid, Mikey is greeted with an unusual word from the game's developers. "This is Konami," it reads. "Thanks for your business." If Mikey wasn't already utterly confused about the whole sequel thing, this would a good point to pause and really question what is going on here. He opens the cell door and discovers the mermaid, who again thanks Konami. Out front we see the Fratellis thrown in the world's largest police truck. It's the kind of vehicle that will hold an entire riot squad, not a cranky old woman. And with that, peace has arrived again.

How It Should Have Ended: Now that Mikey has reunited with his friends, they can all get back to doing the normal things kids do in a small town. It doesn't take long for Mikey to become the most talked about kid around, which helps him land a date with the hottest cheerleader at school. Thanks Konami. His platforming skills are put to great use when he becomes a celebrated athlete. Way to go, Konami. He eventually marries the girl of his dreams and has an adorable child. Clearly, that's Konami doing a great job. Unfortunately, this all leads to a mid-life crisis that involves alcoholism, spousal abuse and divorce. This time Konami was nowhere around to take credit. Mikey was on his own. This enraged our hero and set him on a course for revenge. All this sets up the exciting third Goonies chapter, where Mikey storms the Konami offices and demands he get full credit for his actions.