Street Fighter II: M. Bison Must Die!

It's the final day of the 32 Game Endings of Christmas. We've finally made it to Christmas Day and boy do we have a fun episode for you. Today we're looking at one of the most important games of all time: Capcom's Street Fighter II. Fans of the game will remember that there are eight different endings, and as a Christmas present to you, Defunct Games is here to critique each and every one of them. Find out what we think when you read the final episode of 32 Game Endings of Christmas!

Previously On Street Fighter II: It turns out that everybody has a reason to hate M. Bison, the leader of the criminal organization known as Shadaloo. Eight different warriors from all across the world have decided to battle each other for the chance to take on the four grand masters, which include Vega, Balrog, Sagat and, of course, M. Bison himself. If they can make it that far they will save the world from being overrun by pure evil.

Each of the World Warriors have a different reason for taking down the madman Bison. Ryu is a martial artist who seeks to become the true warrior. Ken follows Ryu anywhere he goes. Chun Li enters to avenge her long lost (and presumed dead) father. E. Honda attempts to show the world that sumo wrestlers should be taken seriously. Zangief wrestles bears with no clothes on in the mountains. Guile is here to get justice after Bison kills his army buddy. Blanka wants to know why he was turned into a monster. And nobody knows why Dhalsim showed up because he's never choses.

How It Ended: Every storyline ends with M. Bison getting his assed kicked by one of the World Warriors. We have a lot to get through, so let me try and tackle these in order: Ryu ditches his own awards ceremony, instead opting to walk away and find another challenge. He'll be back in Street Fighter III (not that anybody cares). Ken reunites with his girlfriend. The two love birds get married and we have to suffer through the Wedding March. Chun Li is finally at peace having avenged her father's death. She strips off her fighting garb to reveal she was wearing better looking close underneath. She vows to stop fighting and go on living her life as a reasonably attractive single girl.

E. Honda has a different take on his success. After beating Bison he returns to his class and celebrates by eating and eating and eating. It's almost as if he's an average American. After Zangief wins he is met by former Russian President, Mikhail Gorbachev. The two dance. Thankfully no bears were involved. Blanka reunites with his mother, who it turns out has been searching for her long lost son. He may be a monster now that is capable of eating her in one single bite, but that doesn't keep the two from embracing and looking forward to the future. Just as Guile is about to kill M. Bison, his wife and daughter show up to speak reason to the soldier. The three of them live happily ever after in a boring cabin in the middle of the woods. And then there's the story of Dhalsim, who travels back home on a giant elephant. He celebrates by eating rice and meditating.

How It Should Have Ended: Ryu and Ken should get a room already; the whole bromance thing is getting old. Chun Li needs to relax and stop listening to her Tiger Mom. Guile will try and live a normal life, but will eventually re-enlist to get away from his wife's constant nagging. E. Honda needs to get a therapist. He's insecure about his life choices and is using food to mask real pain and suffering. Blanka should be shot and killed. That's what you do when you see a monster. Dhalsim needs to explain why he chose to ride a slow moving elephant when he can teleport. And Zangief can do whatever the hell he wants, because he fights bears in the snow ... naked!