Some consider Soccer (or Football, whatever you want to call it) to be something of a religion. People will miss work, ignore their loved ones and drop out of society every time their favorite team has a chance of going all the way in the World Cup. These people are clearly not from the United States, because it's hard to find anybody who enjoys watching people kick a ball around a field for 90 minutes. But just because as a nation we hate soccer that doesn't mean we can't make fun of the terrible advertising that surrounds it. Who better to make fun of this ridiculous sport than the people who can't stand it?

So this is Kick Off 3, the third installment in a series that I guarantee nobody in this country has even heard of. It promises "explosive" soccer action (complete with 0-0 ties), "magical passes" and some of the biggest names in the sport (Brazil, Germany, and Italy)! But not all of these reasons are very compelling. For example, Kick Off 3 says that it has "instant playability". Instant playability? As opposed to what, being forced to write an essay before the game actually allows you to play? Aren't all games pretty instantly playable after you've pushed the start button? We're talking about a game that is on the Super NES, Genesis and Jaguar, it's not like it has to worry about loading.

But the worst part of the this advertisement is the misleading catchphrase, "Kick Off 3 - A Whole New Ball Game." Um ... no. Unless this version of Kick Off allows you to play four teams at once, use your hands and allows weapon-based combat, this is the same old boring ball game you got from Kick Off 1 and 2. I don't care how much better you make the graphics or how many moves you add to the game, it's still a soccer game. If Kick Off 1 and 2 were actually baseball games then yes, maybe then Kick Off 3 could be a "whole new ball game," but don't try to tell me that this soccer game is something completely new and original just because it has "instant playability." You don't see Electronic Arts suggesting that Madden is original and a brand new experience. So let's lay off the hyperbole and keep things in perspective, it's still a soccer game that nobody in the U.S. is going to buy (or enjoy).

FROM: The Knights of Bad Advertising