How do you know when you're having a really crummy video game experience? Your TV decides it's had enough of this abuse and decides to fly far, far away from you. Apparently this is what is going on in this commercial for Acclaim Remote, Acclaim's third party NES control. I'm not sure if it's the game he's playing, the control he's using, or his terrible breath, but there's something wrong and the dinky twenty inch television doesn't want anything to do with it. Forget that it's plugged into the wall; this TV doesn't need a cord ... or even a wall. Hmm, now that I mention it, maybe this kid has more to worry about then his TV flying away; he appears to be lost in space. I don't know about you, but if I was out in the middle of space I probably would have bigger things on my mind -- like, I don't know, running out of oxygen!

Okay, okay, so let's get off of the subject of space travel and talk about the control itself. Some of our younger readers probably don't know this, but back in the days of the NES a lot of third party video game publishers had their own video game controls to sell you. This is Acclaim's model, a wireless NES control that shoots weird red lasers out at the TV. When I look at this ancient advert the only thing I can think about is how dangerous it all looks. Kind of like how if he were to aim it at his little sister's eyes she would be rendered permanently blind for the rest of her life. In fact, maybe that's why the TV is trying to escape. If I had some jerk shooting lasers at me I would probably get away, too.

But the best part of this commercial has to be the description. "Acclaim's Wireless Remote Controller gives you the power to really get into the action of your favorite Nintendo games," it starts. As it continues it talks about having a 30 foot range, tumbling through favorite NES adventures, and using rapid-fire mode (aka turbo). But no sooner has it won you over when it says this nugget of uncomfortable truth: "It even looks and feels like the Nintendo controller you already know." Nooooooooooo!! I don't know about you, but the NES controller is one of the most uncomfortable pieces of plastic you will ever hold. The edges cut into your hands like it's a depressed emo girl and the buttons are so small and close together giving you carpel tunnel. If you're going to make a new control why not make it less painful to hold? And if you're not going to do that, at least make the advertisement cool. And if you're not going to do either of those two things, then why not name it something better than Acclaim Wireless Remote Control? Oh bad advertising, why do you leave me with so many unanswered questions??

FROM: Thank God You're Bad Advertising