You know how most video game companies like to condense their message into a pithy slogan or short description? No Ascii. They aren't about saying "Don't be a game girl, buy this stuff for your Game Boy" or anything cheesy like that, instead they give us a full page full of text. So much text that I have to wonder if there's anybody besides me that actually read the whole thing. When I look at this page my eyes start to glaze over, surely there's a better way to get your message across! This reminds me of Robert Crumb's brother, who as he went insane started to draw cartoons with dialog bubbles, only to end up ditching the cartoons and just write pages of nonsensical dialog bubbles. It's clear that this advert was written by Robert Crumb's brother when he was only 50% crazy.

But let's forget the text for a moment. If there's one thing we all know it's that kids always do what the doctor says. Kids are all about taking medicine, playing it safe and always washing their hands for more than thirty seconds. Kids are just crazy for health, that's why they are so excited to listen to adult figures tell them what they should and shouldn't do. Oh wait, maybe I'm thinking of somebody else. Because kids hate taking orders from adults, which is why it seems stupid to have some scientist extolling the virtues of your Game Boy accessories.

Maybe it's just me, but I absolutely hate it when adults try and write for the "typical" kid. How can you tell that a suit write the conversation? It's phrases like, "Major problem dude," or "a most triumphant dilemma." And that's not all; he also uses words like "gnarly" and "chill." There's no way a kid would say that, by the time this commercial came out people that talked like that were square. You might as well just have to kid say that your Game Boy accessories are the "bee's knees" or "the top shelf." Come on daddy-o; get it together if you're going to totally use uncool slang. Don't you know that slang expires thirty seconds after you say it? Word!

FROM: Thank God You're Bad Advertising