For the last 27 years gamers around the world have been entertained and confused by a gorilla named Donkey Kong. While we love his exploits, we're baffled by his confusing name. Donkey Kong? Wouldn't Monkey Kong make more sense? It's not like he's half a donkey and half King Kong. What the heck is going on here? Thankfully gamers were able to look past the perplexing name to see that Donkey Kong was one of the best villains/heroes of all time. But wait a second, this isn't Donkey Kong ... this is Donkey King! Donkey King? Who the heck is Donkey King?

Let's get beyond the intriguingly confusing spelling error and actually look at the advertisement. This advertisement (which is paid for by Tom Mix Software, a software publisher out of Michigan) tells us that Donkey King contains real life "Arcade Action" that plays like the original Nintendo game. It features four "full graphic screens" and "exciting sound and realistic graphics." Wait a second ... realistic graphics? Donkey Kong? Donkey Kong is a lot of things, but realistic it is not. Even when the graphics were cutting edge, the game never looked realistic. Even the blind can see that Donkey Kong does not look realistic in any sense of the word.

What I like about this commercial is how threatening Donkey King is. It's as if they broke into the RKO back lot and stole the catalog of King Kong concept art. Here's this angry ape looking to rip somebody to pieces, and then to underscore his ferociousness they've decided to include the cutest little pictures I've ever seen. I'm talking about these tiny little stamp-sized pictures that claim to be "actual T.V. screen photos." Tom Mix Software clearly knows that nothing sells their "TDP-100 Color Computer" faster than teeny tiny black and white photos of an arcade port. It's enough to make you wonder what Shigeru Miyamoto would think.

FROM: The Whitest Bad Advertising U Know