You know what's out of control? Los Angeles! You heard me, L.A. is out of control and you have to do something about it. Because right now, somewhere in L.A. there's a D-list celebrity looking to score some blow. And a few miles south there's a homeless guy just laying out in the middle of the street sunbathing. And over at Jake's Drive-Thru Dog & Cat Divorce Supercenter there's a gay marriage protest that just got violent. Los Angeles is a mess and somebody has to do something about it.

Unfortunately that person is you. If this classic game advertisement is any indication, then you'll be fighting crime with a computer microphone and a bunch of crap you bought at the local RadioShack. But you could afford all of these gadgets, because you opted against the cool crime-fighting suit and stuck with your bright yellow tee-shirt. Actually, on second thought, you really should change out of that yellow shirt and put on something a little more conspicuous.

But here's the rub: No matter how much crap you buy or how yellow your shirt is, you'll never be able to watch over all of Los Angeles. In case you haven't been paying attention, L.A. is extremely large. It's one of the most spread out pieces of land you will ever see and the second largest city in all of these United States. Batman only has to look over the third most populated city in the U.S. and has a lot of help from the police force. And did I mention that he's a billionaire and has a ridiculously cool costume? If Batman can't even do it, then how can this unshaven loser with a baseball cap going to resolve the crime problem?

FROM: The Penguins of Bad Advertising