Want to know the easiest way to stand out in an issue of GamePro? Try being the one page that doesn't have heavily-armored warriors, cheesy light guns and artist renditions of the day's hottest game systems. Instead be the one page in that magazine that shows real people, or a nature short or, depending on how desperate for sales you are, maybe a pair of breasts. Be the one advertisement that shows kids at play and parents happy. Or go the other direction and use reverse psychology and tell kids that they definitely don't want to play the newest 2D platformer. Whatever you do, don't be like everybody else, that's the way you spell certain doom.

Speaking of which, have you heard about the Video Game Network? To stand out from the crowd the VGN decided to go with a heavily-armored warrior, holding two light guns and protected by a bunch of 16-bit game systems. Not only is this advert completely forgettable, but it also makes no sense. Why would you wear a bunch of game systems? They are made out of easily broken plastic, it's not going to stop a bullet or even a baseball bat. And what's that CD doing in front of your head, buddy? Is that there to reflect the image of your enemies or just limit your vision? Either way, it looks stupid.

The whole idea of having a Super Scope-packing warrior as your mascot is just stupid and unnecessary. People don't go to a game store to see a giant guy wearing a bunch of consoles, they go there to buy games. GameStop, Best Buy and Amazon don't need mascots to sell their products, they just need product that people want to buy. You're better off just focusing all of your attention promoting your (and I quote) "FREE!! FREE!! FREE!! FREE!! FREE!! FREE!! FREE!! PRICE CATALOG!" Usually I would spend a lot of time rolling my eyes at the use of seven repeating words, but when your mascot is wearing a Game Gear as a belt, I stop asking questions and just assume that you have no idea what you're doing.

FROM: I'm Bad Advertising ... Get Me Out of Here!