AAAAACCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!! Look out kid, there's something on your head!! I can't tell what it is, maybe a rat or a raccoon or something, I don't know. Shoo it away, roll on the ground, DO SOMETHING! Seriously, put down that NES Advantage and find a better hair piece, because that thing isn't convincing anybody. This image of you and the joystick will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. Thanks a lot, Toys "R" Us, this creepy kid is going to keep me from ever having children of my own. I hope you're happy!

Alright, I'll look away. I'm sure it won't be there when I turn back around. I can just sit here watching infomercials and completely forget about the creepy kid in this advertisement. I promise not to look directly at it, that will just ... AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Dammit, I accidently looked at him again. His piercing eyes and unnatural smile, it's enough to make me want to swallow a large bottle of pills.

Okay, I'm not going to fight it. I'm going to look at him (her?) again and try and resolve my fear. This is what Dr. Phil would want me to do - face my fear! Getting past the hideous looks and road kill for hair, I see that this kid is wearing a turtleneck sweater. Who does that? I don't trust anybody wearing a turtleneck sweater. I'm also a little concerned by the hard grip he has on that joystick, it looks like the only way to separate the two would be chopping the hand right off. On second thought, if we cut off one of his hands how will he play Dueling Banjos?

FROM: I'm Bad Advertising ... Get Me Out of Here!