Screw you, swine flu! Out of my way, Pac-Man Fever! Apparently there's a new illness in town and it's called Soccer Mania! I hate making fun of the sick, but get a load of this box art! Apparently this is a soccer game full of Robert Crumb characters who don't seem the least bit interested in playing real soccer. The goalie appears to be a zombie, rushing at the three other athletes wanting to eat their brains. And then there's the guy mugging for the camera, because that's how you sell people on the idea of soccer. There's really only one person on this box who is actually playing real soccer, and he's so bad at it that he can't even score a point on a zombie goalie.

The truth is, I don't trust Soccer Mania. For one thing it suggests that the game is "fun for the whole family" and that you get to "hear crowds cheer." Hear crowds cheer? THAT'S what you choose to highlight? Hearing crowds cheer is lodged between "the game turns on" and "grandma needs a sponge bath" on a list of thrilling bullet points. You might as well advertise that the game is about soccer.

What gets me is that this Soccer Mania illness appears to be spreading. Ignore the goofy artwork and how Imagesoft chooses to reuse the guy mugging for the camera twice within inches of each other, my concern is with those screenshots. Since when is the Game Boy screen that shade of blue? Also, why do the screenshots make this game look more like a baseball than soccer? And forbid I ask a pressing question that saves a few lives, is there some short of shot so that I don't get infected with Soccer Mania. Seriously, I hate soccer, just give me a shot of anything and I'll be good.

FROM: I'm Bad Advertising ... Get Me Out of Here!