Here we have Heavy Barrel, or "just another bad advertisement." Dammit, I thought I was done with that joke. Let's start that again. Here we have Heavy Barrel, one of Data East's most successful shooters. This action-packed shooter allows you to blow stuff up. Hell, even the tag line talks about being explosive. "The ultimate weapon will blow you away," it proudly tells you. Is that a good thing? When I answered the ad for this job I was hoping to blow everybody else away, if I have to go up against this so-called ultimate weapon and it's going to blow me away, then you can have your seventy-five dollars back and I'll go sign up for the clinical trial over at the hospital. I hear they're testing a new drug that will allow you to go hair just applying pressure to your skin. What could go wrong with that?

What I love about this advertisement is how over-the-top it needs to be. This is not "just another action game," this is a game where you rush in to rescue hostages that are being held by a bunch of nuclear bomb handling terrorists. Talk about old school thinking. These days we're afraid of powder in somebody's underwear and a box cutter on an airplane. Imagine just how crazy we would be if we not only had a kidnapping, but also a nuclear threat. That's the kind of thing where you would send more than two people to get the job done. Right? No, we're going with the two guys? Alright, do what you must, Mr. President.

What pisses me off about this commercial is how excessive it is. I know the irony, this is an excessive article about exaggerations and a level of excess, but even the most hardened cynic has to admit that this advertisement is crazy excessive. Sort of like me use of the word "excessive" back there, it was way excessive. Anyway, instead of finding a door, our heroes decide to waste a huge amount of ammo to blow a circular hole in the wall. And to make things worse, they do this while there's a war going on behind them. If you're one of the only two guys hunting these terrorists down, then I sure hope you didn't forget to bring along your C4. Because shooting a hole in the wall is needlessly time consuming and will alert the entire war to your whereabouts. That's Shooting Stuff 101. Oh man, after all of these excessive advertisements I think I need to go lay down. Too much excitement for me. Until next time ...

FROM: It's Me or the Bad Advertising