Hey look everybody; It's the Video Game Control Glove. That's right; it's the Video Game Control Glove. Yup, we're going to talk about The Video Game Control Glove. Drat, I was hoping that if I kept repeating its name I wouldn't have to actually talk about "the most innovative product on the market." This is a control that lets you play all of the PlayStation games with one hand. You need only one hand to play all of these games. You use your thumb to hit the D-pad and your fingers to hit the seven face buttons. But wait, it doesn't work with Ape Escape or a whole host of other analog-enabled games. I guess what this advertisement really meant was that it's "100% compatible with PlayStation games released between 1995 and 1996."

But hold the phone; did I just say this was "the most innovative product on the market"? Look at that, I did. Apparently that's something PSExtreme said. Really? The one-handed control is the most innovative video game product of that era? Not online gaming or analog controls? CD and DVD technology doesn't even get a mention? Who cares about any of that when you can have a one-handed control. Of course, as long time readers of Defunct Games already know, this is hardly the first time we've seen a one-handed control. Perhaps the Video Game Control Glove should meet the Ascii Grip and the Game Handler.

And to make matters worse, it doesn't even have a cool name. The Video Game Control Glove? That's about ten words too long. Take it from Galoob -- your glove name needs to be short and snappy. It needs to convey that power is rushing through your hands because of this glove. It's a ... oh wait, I know ... a POWER GLOVE. Okay, so Power Glove has already been taken, but at least you can try. Why not The Game Squeeze? Or maybe PlayStation Poseable? Or even the SingleShock? Perhaps they should have been realistic and called it That Thing You Won't Use.

FROM: America's Next Great Bad Advertisement