Selling a puzzle game can be tricky, especially when your game isn't named "Tetris". But that doesn't excuse Vic Tokai for using a balding fat guy as their Columns III spokesman. It's bad enough to put him on the box, but this advertisement goes overboard with him in six different positions. He's sitting on his fat ass, standing on his hands, carrying gems, picking up gems and having back pains associated with him lifting and carrying large gems. It's positively baffling.

I'm not completely against intermixing real humans with falling gems, but must it be a bald dude in a yellow shirt? It wouldn't take more than an hour to find a good looking girl at the mall to make all of these poses, and you better believe she would work cheap. Or maybe you don't want to go with a hot girl, I can appreciate that. But maybe go with a better looking guy? There's no logical reason to stick with somebody that looks like ... this.

Even more baffling is the description, which seems to suggest that Columns has always been a "private habit." I can understand trying to sell your crazy five-player sequel, but let's not lie about the past installments. The very first Columns allowed two players to fight it out simultaneously. What's more, even when you played a single-player game, you would still see the second-player's screen. The multiplayer was one of Column's big advantages at the time, mentioned in reviews and advertising. It's always a shame when game companies have to rewrite history to sell your crappy sequels.


FROM: My Babysitter's a Bad Advertisement