Super Seducer

Super Seducer would like you to believe that it's the "most controversial game of the year" and this edgy product that doesn't play by the rules. Don't buy into the hype. This brand new pick-up artist simulator is neither offensive nor edgy, it's boring and cheesy. It's a barely competent choose-your-own-adventure with terrible acting, questionable advice, and some of the worst video editing you'll see this year. Single guys deserve better than this.

I'm going to level with you right at the top, I don't have a particularly high opinion of professional pick-up artists. I will freely admit that most of this bias comes from cringing through a few episodes of that VH1 reality series starring some guy named Mystery. His advice, while probably good intentioned, always came across as mean-spirited and creepy. But in an effort to be fair, I decided to leave my preconceived notions at the door and experience Super Seducer in the spirit it was meant to be played.

The truth is, playing a pick-up artist is a solid setup for a compelling game. You could really go a few directions with that idea, such as turning it into a dark mystery about a guy who gets in over his head after a seduction goes wrong or turning the whole thing into a farce that isn't afraid to poke fun at dating in the 21st century and take the piss out of pick-up artists in general. Sadly, this takes a more serious approach, attempting to turn what could have been a simple point and click adventure game into an educational teaching tool. I have mixed feelings about this.

Super Seducer plays out exactly as you would expect. You'll get tossed into a scenario where pick-up artist Richard La Ruina attempts to hit on an attractive young woman by choosing the right thing to say. You'll watch a brief interaction and then select from a series of options, including a few that are clearly designed to lead to you getting slapped or arrested. Depending on what you choose, Richard will chime in with advice on what you should and should not do. If all goes well, you'll get the girl's phone number and move on to the next scenario.

In theory, you'll want to replay these stages a bunch of times in order to see all the different paths and responses. It's usually pretty obvious what direction you're supposed to go, but it also gives you a chance to be a sexist pig without getting a drink thrown in your face. In total, there are more than five hundred choices and a bunch of different endings. Between the ten scenarios and the extra outtakes, there's a lot of full-motion video here.

A lot of this game comes down to how much you like watching the "happily-married" pick-up artist go around the city hitting on girls. He seems like a generally affable guy who looks a bit like Ashton Kutcher and is quick on his feet. In another situation, where I wasn't watching him try to get laid, I bet I would find him to be charming and fun. But in the context of this game, he's definitely one of the weakest links.

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As an actor, he isn't especially charismatic. He doesn't have any real chemistry with the women he hits on and the presentation of the advice is flat. He also has a bad habit of stumbling over his lines. Here's just one example. There's a slapdash nature to the production that ends up making it come across as amateurish. I kept thinking to myself, "This can't possibly be the best take." And even when he manages to get his lines out without stumbling over any words, the edit will still cut him off mid-sentence for no reason. See for yourself, and note that I did not edit this clip in any way.

Like I said at the top, there's a way to take this material and turn it into something entertaining. Unfortunately, I found myself cringing through most of the scenarios. The writing is wooden and the conversations aren't even close to being interesting. Even when Richard and the girls have chemistry, it's impossible to root for the guy because you know he's just saying what she wants to hear. The whole thing is disingenuous and insufferably boring.

It's also aggressively cheesy. There are times when Super Seducer reminds me of the kind of self-help VHS tape you would see in the 1980s, complete with two half-naked women who are thoroughly disinterested in what's going on at all times. I don't blame them, because the advice he's giving is questionable at best.

And that's the real problem here. It would be one thing if Super Seducer was nothing more than a really boring conversation simulator, but this game is being sold under the guise of being educational. Look, there are times when Richard stumbles into a good point and offers genuinely constructive advice, but the game loses me the moment it suggests that "no matter who you are or what you look like, after playing this game, you'll be able to win the girl of your dreams." Personally, I wish they had turned this into a fun fictional adventure game that subtly imparts dating advice, but instead it's an out-of-date self-help video that takes itself way too seriously.

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Visually, Super Seducer is a sharp-looking full-motion video game. While the acting and writing lets us down, the camera work is always on point. They do a good job of composing shots and giving us a bunch of angles, all without resorting to shaky cam or other cliches. It's a shame that the good looking shots are wasted on such boring material.

The problem with Super Seducer isn't that it's the "most controversial game of the year," as the advertising would like you to believe, but rather that it's the most boring game of the year. Aside from the occasionally entertaining clips of watching Richard La Ruina fail, most of this game revolves around inane conversations that will put you to sleep faster than a horse tranquilizer. Hitting on women should never be this boring.