VCB: Why City 4k

One of my favorite things in the world is finding homemade remakes and sequels to big blockbuster films. Not that these amateur movies are as good as the originals, but there's something about the love and passion that I find irresistible. In a lot of ways, VCB: Why City 4k is like the homemade version of Grand Theft Auto. It's a parody made by a couple of guys in Russia and is the sort of thing that feels like it was created using cardboard and duct tape. And while this is the kind of thing I find endearing about wannabe filmmakers, I'm not sure I'm willing to give the same charity to the team behind this VCB: Why City 4k. This is easily the worst game I've played this year.

There's a story here, but does it really matter? You play Vano, a cartoonish character who comes back to his hometown after years of being to prison, traveling the world or something. It's not real clear. The point is, you're back and your friends want to pick up right where you left off. This involves running a bunch of missions and getting into trouble, all in an effort to help real-life developers Mikhan and Kirill sell their new Grand Theft Auto parody. And it's not just generic gangsters you'll need to worry about, but also a particular fat and corrupt game critic who wants money to promote the game.

Individually, I can see the potential of some of these concepts. I'm into the idea of poking fun at the open world genre, I like the meta narrative and I'm certainly not above jokes about game critics, but there are few things more painful than sitting through incompetent satire. This is a situation where the developers know the clichés and want to take aim at hot topics, but can't be bothered to write actual jokes. It's more about shock value than being funny, and perhaps that's why I spent most of the game feeling embarrassed for everybody involved.

The truth is, you know this is going to be a train wreck from the opening cinema. From the line reading to the sound quality to the fact that the characters appear to be wearing paper cutouts of the developers on their face, it's clear that this is the lowest of low budget. It doesn't just set a bad tone, but slaps you in the face and lets you know just how terrible the production value is going to be. And that's all before you realize how slow and broken the gameplay is.

This is an open world action game where you drive so slowly that you would be better off just getting out of the car and walking. But that's not an option in Why City. Unlike most open world games, you can't get in and out of the car at will. You're either driving to a mission or you're locked in a shoot 'em up sequence against an army of identical gang members. There's no actual grand theft auto in this Grand Theft Auto parody. There are also no cops, so don't expect to get into any high-speed chases. In fact, just don't expect high-speed anything when you're in the car.

You probably also shouldn't expect the game to work right. I noticed early on that I could literally drive through buildings while on missions, which made a few of the more annoying race events a lot easier to complete. Unfortunately, this is not the only bug I encountered while playing through Why City. I also ran into issues where the missions wouldn't load properly and the game would crash on me. The whole thing is a mess from beginning to end.

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And then there's the third-person stuff, which is its own nightmare. Not unlike the car, Vano is tough to control. He kind of lumbers about and isn't very nimble, which can lead to some frustrating shootouts. He also tends to get stuck on chairs, tables, trees and other objects, as I discovered during a one-on-one fight in a cramped house. And it doesn't help that his aim is all over the place. Killing even the easiest gang members is a real pain due to his absurd accuracy, and the gunplay is never fun. And if you die, don't think you can count on the checkpoints to help you out. Failing a mission means that you'll need to start it over from the very beginning, which may involve slowly driving to the marker and getting into several different shootouts.

The problem isn't just that it's buggy and no fun to play, but rather that it's aggressively unfunny. The cinemas are painful to watch and the jokes never land. Part of the problem is the voice acting, which makes it clear that the two developers aren't exactly fluent in English. To be fair, they're a whole lot better with English than I am speaking Russian, but the delivery is some of the worst I've heard in a long time. Lines run together, they mispronounce words and the inflection is almost in the wrong part of the sentence.

It's also mean-spirited, which ultimately left a bad taste in my mouth. I'm a fan of bad voice acting, bad production value and biting satire, but a lot of the jokes are just cruel. They also show the audience that the two developers aren't well versed in the topics they're supposedly satirizing, which is probably why they opt for bigotry and hatred over actual jokes and punchlines. I'm sure there will be people who find VCB: Why City 4k to be edgy and shocking, but I found it to be passé.