Epic Dumpster Bear 2: He Who Bears Wins

I think it's safe to say that 2020 hasn't gone the way we all hoped. In fact, considering everything that has happened in just the first six months, you would probably be justified in calling this year a dumpster fire. Perhaps that's why I'm not at all surprised to see the release of Epic Dumpster Bear 2, the sequel to a poorly-received Wii U game that came out in 2016. It's an ugly and hard to control new platformer that often feels like it's designed to be as bad as possible. In other words, it's not the 2020 game we all wanted, but rather the game 2020 deserves.

If you're like me and somehow missed out on the first Epic Dumpster Bear, don't worry, because the story is mostly nonsense. We're told at the start that after our hero's forest was destroyed by corporate greed, he retaliated by destroying a space station and then crash laded into a bunch of toxic waste in the Rocky Mountains west of Edmonton. Stronger and more determined to take down the corporations, Epic Dumpster Bear sets out to overcome another set of mediocre side-scrolling stages filled with generic obstacles.

The platforming adventure is split into six different worlds, each with between five and eight different levels. The main quest has you tackling four main stages that ultimately lead to a one-on-one fight against some sort of mutant animal. For those who can't get enough of looking at the bland backgrounds, most of the worlds have two or three optional stages, which can only be accessed through finding hidden doors.

As a platformer, Epic Dumpster Bear 2 is pretty straight forward. Our anti-corporation bear is able to double jump and swipe at the enemies with his powerful arms. The game also introduces special hats that give the player extra moves, such as throwing bombs or a curling stone. Unfortunately, the game basically forgets about the power-ups after the second stage, making this more about jumping on floating platforms and avoiding spikes.

All this would be fine if only the gameplay was better. There's a quickness to the bear's movement that makes the side-scrolling action hard to control. The gameplay is slippery and imprecise, which are two things you specifically don't want in this kind of game. Simple things like standing on a moving platform or jumping off a wall is made difficult by a character that has a hard time walking on his two hind legs.

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And then there's the story, which is disappointing in a completely different way. Look, I get it, the story is supposed to be stupid and we shouldn't take it too seriously. All that is true, but it still fails to clear even that low bar. After seeing how crazy the first game was, I expected the sequel to be even bigger and, let's be honest, dumber. But it's not. The story basically just retells what happened in the first game, all the way up to the bear going into space to defeat the evil corporation. This was a free opportunity to go as over-the-top as possible, yet all we get is a tame rehash.

It certainly doesn't help that this is an ugly game from start to finish. From the boring backgrounds to the poorly-animated bear to the cheesy bosses, Epic Dumpster Bear 2 is an absolute eyesore. And things only get worse the further in you go, with at least one boss so blocky that I'm still not sure what kind of animal it's supposed to be. Just about the best-looking thing in this game is the dumpster fire found in each cinema. That seems appropriate.

It's obvious that Epic Dumpster Bear 2 is trying to be silly and dumb, and I can respect that. It doesn't take itself too seriously and will likely find an audience who argues that it's not meant to be a good game. The problem is that it's not one of those games that's so bad it's good, but instead is a game that starts out middling and never gets any better or worse. I guess what I'm trying to say is that while Epic Dumpster Bear 2 is bad, it's not the complete dumpster fire it could (or should) have been.