Waifu Uncovered
Reviewed by Cyril Lachel on
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How can a game with this much naked flesh be so boring? Waifu Uncovered is a limp and unfocused exercise in repetition that is never exciting enough to justify its existence. The real problem is the shoot 'em up action, which is slow and way too easy. What's especially disappointing is that it comes from publisher EastAsiaSoft, who has a pretty good track record when it comes to this type of action game. Waifu Uncovered is a shoot 'em up made for people who couldn't care less about shoot 'em ups.
Rating: 20%
What is a developer to do when the shoot 'em up they have worked hard on simply isn't very good? If you're the makers of the new Switch game Waifu Uncovered, then you add a bunch of naked anime girls to the background and shove it out the door at the low, low price of $7. Unfortunately, that's not the secret sauce to turn a bad game into something good, and this debut release from One Hand Free Studios is most definitely a bad game. In fact, I can safely say that this is the worst shoot 'em up I've played all year.
There's a story here, but honestly who cares? There's something about aliens from outer space using infected clothing to turn pretty anime girls into ugly creatures. You travel around the world in one of five ships shooting down anything that gets in your path and saving the women.
Every level plays out exactly the same way. You see a fully-clothed anime girl in the background who will slowly get undressed after each wave of enemies. First it will be the jacket, then the skirt, then the bra and so on so forth. Once the girl in the background is naked, you'll fight a boss and move on to the next stage, where you'll once again pick between two different anime girls. Do this enough times and you'll save every "waifu," as they call them, and unlock an uncensored mode. We'll get to that in a moment.
As a shooter, this one isn't especially unique. It's an overhead shooter, but you aren't really flying towards anything. You basically just hover over the anime girl and shooting at the enemies that fly into view. The whole thing feels stationary, with only the background moving. You'll pick up power-ups like a spread shot, laser, shield and drone, all of which can be stacked and taken into the next stage. Between that and the powerful smart bomb that kills everybody on the screen, you'll get to the point where the game is too easy. I was able to clear the screen and defeat bosses in mere seconds after only the third stage, leading to me being bored most of the time.
The enemies are also pretty lame, but maybe that's the point. There are so many times when a troll face will show up and remind you that nobody is taking this very seriously, which is part of the reason why the shoot 'em up action is so bland. The whole things feels like a chaotic mess of memes and references, including a nod to the 1996 Tim Burton bomb Mars Attacks! If they were going to go that direction, then they probably should have leaned in a little harder. As it is, there isn't much about the combat that's going to stick with me.
The draw here is the nudity, but Waifu Uncovered is a bit of a tease. While you'll eventually unlock an uncensored mode, it's initially hidden away and left as something you need to unlock. The default censored mode reminds me a lot of the opening to Austin Powers, where items in the room are strategically covering his dangly bits. The same thing is done here, with grass and rockets and even Cheetos obscuring your vision.
If you'll recall, I mentioned that players can unlock an "uncensored" version of the game. This removes the strategically placed objects and shows everything. This is, I have to imagine, the sole reason why somebody might buy this game. For what it's worth, the nudity is all there. It isn't blurred or censored or cropped off. There's just one problem: The uncensored version is currently broken on the Switch. Instead of letting you play through the full stage, it glitches out and shows you a frozen screen. The developers have told me that this mostly happens when the system is docked and outputting at 1080p, so handheld players may never experience this problem. Thankfully, this will be fixed through an upcoming patch, though it's hard to tell when that will come.
But even if the uncensored mode was working flawlessly, I'm not sure that's a good enough reason to buy this game. Look, I get it, there will be a group of people who will call anybody who doesn't like this game a prude. The truth is, I have nothing against nudity, porn or even anime girls. What I am opposed to are bad shoot 'em ups that use sexy girls as a crutch for awful gameplay. If the core mechanics aren't good, then no amount of nudity is going to help that. In a world where naked women are just a Google search away, I'm not sure why anybody would spend $7 on this cynical cash-grab. Buy a better shoot 'em up instead.
How can a game with this much naked flesh be so boring? Waifu Uncovered is a limp and unfocused exercise in repetition that is never exciting enough to justify its existence. The real problem is the shoot 'em up action, which is slow and way too easy. What's especially disappointing is that it comes from publisher EastAsiaSoft, who has a pretty good track record when it comes to this type of action game. Waifu Uncovered is a shoot 'em up made for people who couldn't care less about shoot 'em ups.
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