Boris the Rocket

People always tell me that one of the reasons why they play video games is to have fun and escape the pressures of the real-world. Apparently, nobody gave that memo to game developers, because it seems like a day can't go by without me hearing about a product simulating what it's like to drive a bus, tend to a farm, work as a border guard, fix motorcycles or sit in the seat of an air-traffic controller. The newest example of this trend is the boring and painfully repetitive game Boris the Rocket, which sends you to the coldest and most isolated part of Russia to work as a mustachioed missile operator. The result is a monotonous job where we mine materials, study the user manual, brew our own alcohol and maybe, if we're lucky, get eaten by an angry bear. Yeah, it's going to be one of those reviews.

If you're wondering what kind of person would want to work alone at a Soviet missile base during the height of the cold war, then so is Boris. This is a simple man who gets arrested on trumped-up charges and forced to work in the middle of nowhere doing one of the most dangerous jobs on the planet. Just like us, he doesn't want to be there and hates his repetitive job, but what's the alternative? It's too cold to escape and the alternative to loading missiles is infinitely worse.

This sets up a promising puzzle game that is all about time management and attention to detail. Boris is tasked with monitoring the skies for incoming missiles and then following the guide to figure out how to shoot them down. This usually means turning a bunch of dials, pushing a couple buttons and keeping track of the color, speed, location and other small details. While all this is going on, our Russian hero will also need to brave the cold weather outside to collect materials and resupply the base with missiles. He'll only have a few minutes to do all this, so every day turns into a race against the clock to grab the materials, upgrade the equipment and save the Motherland from incoming missiles.

What makes this job so frustrating is the complicated rulebook. It starts out simple enough -- we're taught that red missiles can only be destroyed with homing ammo, while the blue missiles require the ECM finder to be clicked on. However, before long, Boris will need to pay attention to the distance of the missile, fill up the ammo with coolant, track the speed, dial in the radio frequency and even differentiate between conic and parabolic noses. And did I mention that some missiles don't need to be shot down at all? This is a game about memorizing the rules and keeping track of the small details while under an enormous amount of pressure. It's a high-tension juggling act where dropping a ball means everybody dies in a massive explosion.

When he's not loading and dialing in the missiles, Boris spends most of his time braving the frigid climate outside in order to pick up materials and rearm the supply. The materials can also be used to construct a massive ballistic missile, as well as upgrade every aspect of the bunker. The trick is that you only have time to collect materials once or maybe twice per day, so you'll need to be speedy and get back to the bunker in order to take care of the incoming missiles. You also don't want to spend too much time outside, as not only will Boris freeze to death after just a couple minutes, but there's also a bear roaming around the base that is looking for a fresh meal.

On top of arming missiles, restocking the supply and mining for materials, there are also a number of side-quests that Boris will need to fit into his busy schedule. Sometimes this is as simple as digging through the right filing cabinet or solving a simple four-letter puzzle, while other times you'll need to thoroughly investigate the icy world outside of the bunker. I like how this adds to the mystery and meta story, though wish that these side stories were more interesting and better implemented in the main quest. These diversions aren't quite enough to make you forget that you're essentially doing the same thing every single day, almost as if it's Soviet Russia's very depressing remake of Groundhog Day.

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Like I said, this is an incredibly repetitive game. It's also surprisingly frustrating. It's one thing to load up the player with tons of rules and guidelines, but I wish the game was better at telling me exactly what it wants. Boris the Rocket has a guide that feels incomplete, at best. It's written in such a way that I often wondered if there were paragraphs or even pages missing just to screw me up. Some of the late-game rules are so obtuse that I had to search scour the internet to know what I was supposed to do, and even then I still had to trial and error my way through some of the days. And don't even think about taking a few days off or playing another game, because re-learning all of the random and nonsensical rules is a real pain.

It also doesn't help that Boris is no fun to play as. He's a lumbering figure who can barely walk through the bunker and slows down to a crawl every time he puts on a coat. Simple things like picking up items and shutting doors can be a nightmare, especially when you're in a hurry to get out of the cold. The game is probably at its worse when you're trying to push buttons and rotate dials. You'll need to first interact with the knob or flipper by holding the shoulder trigger, only to then rotate the dial by pressing left or right on the analog stick. The problem is that half the time I would lose connection with the knob I'm trying to interact with, meant that I had to rotate my head back towards the object, perfectly line up the cursor and then hold the shoulder button again. This is not the way this type of game should play. You'll be poking, turning and flipping the various bits of the control panel multiple times throughout the day, so there's no excuse for the gameplay to be this unruly.

And then there's the presentation. In case you haven't noticed, this is an ugly game where you see the same parts of the bunker day in and day out. Sure, the outside area is slightly more interesting, but it's small and fenced in. You'll quickly tire of seeing the same desk, sign, coat hanger, stairs and bear. And let's not forget about the music, where every song is about a minute long and abruptly ends. The combination of the repetition and isolation started to get to me after a while, and I never shook that crushing feeling that the whole thing is ultimately pointless. The only upside is that I can quit this crummy job any time I want, unlike Boris, who is destined to continue reliving the same day over and over and over. That's no way to live.