Moo Lander

For as long as I can remember, people have been saying that you should drink more milk to grow strong and healthy bones. As somebody who recently switched to the almond variety, I assumed that these ads were nothing more than propaganda coming from people wanting to sell you more milk. However, after playing the new game Moo Lander, I realized that maybe the real enemies aren’t the big corporations at all, but rather space aliens. That’s right, the conspiracy goes far beyond a few milk mustaches, because this new Metroivania-style shoot ‘em up gives us the match-up we never knew we wanted – aliens vs. cows. Brace yourself, because this is going to be a bovine bloodbath.

This is the adventure of Lander, an alien who is on a mission to find the ultimate supply of milk, the lifeblood of his species. Unfortunately, he’s not exactly the brightest bulb, as he initially believes that his UFO has crash landed on Mars, only to quickly realize that the lush forests, plentiful wildlife and, of course, existence of cows must mean that he took a wrong turn and is actually on Earth. This sets up a lengthy adventure where Lander hunts for milk to send back to the home planet.

But a funny thing happens on the way to stealing all of earth’s cattle. As he explores this strange (and hostile) planet, Lander uncovers a compelling mystery about his family’s past and a brutal war that nearly wiped out their entire species. This turns into a surprisingly emotional journey through some of the prettiest landscapes this genre has ever produced. Lander and his A.I. assistant, Hamilton, go on quite a quest to not only steal the milk, but to kill the might cow bosses. Needless to say, animal-lovers may want to sit this one out.

At first glance, Moo Lander looks like a lot of other games inspired by the Metroid and Castlevania franchises. When our hero crashes, his UFO breaks apart and, surprise, it’s up to us to find the pieces that are scattered through the labyrinthine stage designs. However, once you start playing this game, you’ll realize that it bucks a lot of the genre’s clichés.

The most obvious shake-up is that we’re piloting a space ship, which means that Moo Lander eventually turns into a shoot ‘em up with tons of different weapons to buy and upgrade. While not the first game of the Metroidvania persuasion to feature a UFO, it does allow the story to bypass a lot of the typical power-ups we earn when platforming is involved. Instead of a double jump, we get powers more associated with a space shooter, such as shields, guns and energy bombs we can drop to stun enemies.

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One of the coolest powers we earn is this laser beam we can deploy that will create a barrier that enemies and falling rocks can’t penetrate. It’s such a simple device, yet it opens up a whole world of puzzle possibilities. This is the kind of game that is more interested in puzzles that exploration, which is yet another thing that sets Moo Lander apart from other games in the genre. Instead of collecting a bunch of colored keycards, most locked doors will want you to solve a simple puzzle to advance the plot.

As such, this game is a lot more linear than something like Castlevania: Symphony of the Night or Super Metroid. While there are definitely big areas that you’ll need to thoroughly explore, the game does a good job of pushing you to new parts of the planet. There’s not a lot of backtracking or seeing the same backgrounds, especially as the adventure heats up in the second half. This game does a good job of taking elements from quite a few different genres and making them work together, all in support of a crazy story about kidnapping a bunch of cows.

It helps that flying the UFO around large, interconnected world is a lot of fun. The stage designs are both clever and expertly worked out. This isn’t one of those games where you’ll get lost and run around in circles, as it’s usually fairly obvious where our alien hero needs to go next. Once the game turned into a shoot ‘em up, I felt like I was in good hands. There are a bunch of weapons to unlock, tons of crazy enemies to shoot down and a fair amount of strategy involved in the combat. The only problem with flying around these levels is that it’s so easy to get caught on the rocks and vines. That’s really annoying.

Visually, Moo Lander is absolutely stunning. Both the backgrounds and foregrounds are overflowing with gorgeous hand-drawn foliage that is bursting with color and life. A staggering amount of work has gone into giving each part of this world a distinct look and personality, and not enough can be said about the art design. You’ll want to play through the lengthy adventure just to see where you go next, and let me tell you, you’re in for a real treat.

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Unfortunately, the great looks come at the expense of the performance. This game chugs along and runs into all kinds of frame rate issues, at least when it comes to the PlayStation 4 version. Some of this has to do with the frequent checkpointing, but I suspect an even bigger culprit is the way the levels are put together. Instead of going from room to room, like in most Metroidvania titles, the levels here are massive and connected without obvious loading screens. I suspect that this, along with the visuals, are helping to contribute to the bad optimization. Hopefully, the developer will fix some of the stuttering and frame rate prolems.

My other big problem is that I don’t care much for the character designs, especially when it comes to the cows. Look, don’t get me wrong, I’m going to spend all day gushing over the backgrounds, but there are some stylistic choices that left me cold. The poorly animated cows are one of those things. And it doesn’t help that they lead to a lot of boring and repetitive boss fights. While the cows are clearly different and all have unique powers, they still look too similar, and just about every battle can be won using the exact same strategy. I wish that this game would have gone bigger and more over-the-top with the cows, especially the bosses. These fights are often the weakest part of the game.

Thankfully, the rest of Moo Lander shines. It’s a fun and exciting adventure that isn’t afraid to get emotional when it needs to. The game works as both a great shoot ‘em up and a funny farce, all while giving the tried-and-true Metroivania formula a good twist. Best of all, you can play through the whole game with a second player at your side. All this adds up to be a milk-themed action game that everybody should play, even those who are lactose intolerant.