The easiest way to tell if you're a cool character or not is to look at the name; if your name has the word "cool" in it then you, my friend, are absolutely not cool. You are even less cool if that "Cool" is spelled wrong! And buddy, if you're a twentysomething man passing yourself off as a "Kid," then you are beyond anybody's help. I mean, even Lil Bow Wow dropped the "Lil" once he hit puberty. Unfortunately Kool Kid manages to hit all three of those no-no's, he's up there with Blasto and Bubsy as one of the worst video game characters of all time. And it's not just him that's so uncool, look at those threads he's sporting. It's like he's trying to be Fonzie only pants that have the knees warn out. And you know what the real tragedy is? Kid Kool probably bought those pants as is at the Gap. The only person that could possibly think that this guy was cool was the marketing department at Vic Tokai.

And then there's the issue of the name, Kid Kool and the Quest for the Seven Wonder Herbs. First of all, that name is entirely too long. The best games know that you have to keep it snappy. It has to be something like "Resident Evil: Code Veronica" or "Super Mario Advance 4: Super Mario Bros. 3," now that's how you name a video game. And what's up with that Seven Wonder Herbs?? If it's good enough, all you really need is one wonder herb to get you stoned. I don't know why this guy is so damn greedy. And what's he doing going through all this headache to get it? I'm sure if he asked around he wouldn't have a problem finding one of his friends selling the sticky stuff. But then, Kid Kool looks more like a speed freak, the type of cat who will have severe heart problems due to the constant use of steroids and other uppers. Somebody needs to remind Kid Kool that he doesn't have to do everything, the world does not rest on his shoulders. Sometimes it's fine to just sit back with your bong and watch a little Jerry Springer. Trust me on this one, Mr. Kool.