The year is 1999 and Napster is breaking the music industry at a speed of 56K. This is also the year when three documentary filmmakers found the Blair Witch, Blind Date proved that meeting new people is inherently awkward and Limp Bizkit did it all for the Nookie. But we're not here to talk about how you can take that cookie and stick it up your yeah, because today we're counting down Electronic Gaming Monthly's worst reviewed games of 1999. Like a chump, hey, like a chump.
3Xtreme
#5
While Sony's Xtreme series has a bad reputation, it wasn't without its share of supporters. While the original ESPN Extreme Games (or 1Xtreme, as it would later be called) was largely maligned by critics, EGM had good things to say about the 1996 sequel. In fact, they gave it an 8, which was a bit of an outlier at the time. However, by the time Xtreme 3 showed up in 1999, the magazine's generosity was in short supply. It didn't matter that the game had finally shifted from sprites to polygons, because the editors felt that this was a relic of the past that desperately needed to be retired.
"This game is worthless on so many levels I won't even have room to cover it all," starts fake ninja Sushi-X. "I'll just make a long list: No analog control, overt flogging of the 'extreme sports' carcass, horrible graphics, slowdown galore, unresponsive controls, tedious tracks, constant stream of corporate advertising and characters nobody can relate to, much less want to play as." John Davison also gave the game a 1 out of 10, calling it "derivative, copycat, cash-in sequel crap on the PlayStation." He concludes that "it's so bad, it's verging on being retro." Hey! I'm not sure I like the use of "retro" as a purgative. Shawn agreed, but wasn't nearly as harsh. "3Xtreme looks like it should've come out in 1996 rather than 1999." I'm guessing that was a more devastating gut punch at the time than it sounds like now. With Shawn and Dean giving it slightly higher scores, 3Xtreme averages a totally uncool 2.25 out of 10.
Air Boardin' USA
#4
First 3Xtreme and now Air Boardin' 64? There's a chance that 1999 was the year when Electronic Gaming Monthly decided that they were too cool for extreme sports games. Sure, they gave Tony Hawk's Pro Skater an average of 8.5 that year, but other extreme sports games like Psybadek and NFL Xtreme 2 narrowly missed landing on this worst-of list. Before you start accusing the magazine of having an "xtreme bias," it's worth mentioning that Air Boardin' 64 is a bad game. In fact, it was so bad that Human Entertainment decided to cancel the American release at the last second. But that didn't stop the review crew from weighing in.
Pretty much every EGM critic referenced Back to the Future Part II in one form or another. "When Marty McFly rode his hoverboard through town square and thwarted Biff and his minions, I considered wanting to do the same in a moment of weakness," starts Che. "As if boarding games weren't generic enough as it is, Agetec had to license one of the worst." Dean notes that "the hover gimmick is not enough to help this game. There's nothing remotely redeeming here, especially the tracks. Outside of a few jumps, most are littered with unfriendly turns and obstacles." Chris was frustrated that the developers "couldn't figure out if they should make a racing or a stunt game." He'll have a change of heart when SSX comes out in a couple years, but for now, Air Boardin' USA bails with a sloppy 2.1 out of 10.
Shadow Tower
#3
Long before unleashing Dark Souls and Sekiro onto the world, From Software made Shadow Tower, a poorly received adventure game that may have been ahead of its time depending on who you ask. The game is purposely vague, frustrating and hard to play, almost going out of its way to rewrite everything you think you know about role-playing games. That approach to development would eventually go on to help From Software make a name for themselves in the industry, but the editors at Electronic Gaming Monthly HATED Shadow Tower.
Instead of giving the game to the full review crew, EGM decided to post a single paragraph write-up that is supposed to be the voice of the entire staff. "There aren't many positive things to be said about Shadow Tower. There are lengthy load times (even in the menus) and several glitches when entering different sections. Your character is incapable of running or moving quickly, and in order to attack an enemy, you must slowly angle your view, leaving yourself vulnerable to attack." Yup, sounds like a From game to me. With only one review, Shadow Tower scores a dismal 2 out of 10.
Spawn
#2
The 1990s were the best of times and the worst of times for Spawn, with very little middle ground. Fans of the ultra-violent anti-hero loved the comics and HBO animated series, but hated pretty much everything else. Worse yet, his video game adaptations appeared to be on a downward spiral. EGM gave his Super NES game an average of 6.1 out of 10, while the PlayStation adaptation three years later could only scare up a 4. Now Todd McFarlane's pissed off crime fighter is back with his worst reviewed game yet, a self-titled Game Boy game from Konami.
Much like Shadow Tower, EGM only offered up one opinion of Spawn. "Just because a game is 8-bit in nature doesn't mean it has to be 8-bit in design. Whoever thought that walking from left to right, with nothing more than a jump and punch button to manipulate, must have graduated from the Acclaim school-of-thought of the early '90s. At best, it's a simple side-scroller that would be hard-pressed to entice even the youngest gamer." The unnamed critic ultimately concludes that "even die-hard Spawn fans might want to skip this one" and gave it a 2 out of 10.
Superman
#1
The late 1990s were a bad time for comic book characters in video games. By 1999, Electronic Gaming Monthly had already swatted down Lobo, Batman and Spawn, so it only makes sense to go after the biggest superhero of all time -- Superman. Of course, this should come as no surprise, since Superman 64 remains a constant punching bag two decades later. It's a constant mainstay on the Worst Game of All Time lists the internet is so fond of, and for good reason. This is an awful game that is never fun to play. But is it possible that Supes found a defender at Electronic Gaming Monthly?
Okay, so maybe calling him a Superman apologist is too much, but Chris wasn't as down on this N64 turd as you might expect. "Superman has everything going for it -- good license, great story, interesting characters, plenty of villains. Then why does it seem so difficult to translate Superman's world into a video game?" He gave the game a 4 out of 10 and concluded that the execution is off, but "it's not the worst license ever made into a game." John wasn't as charitable, giving it a 0.5. "I've seen some crap in my time as a reviewer but I think it's safe to say that this is the worst N64 game ever made." Even with the long review, John still didn't have enough space to express his hatred with the game. He loathed the graphics, gameplay, invisible walls, flying sections and everything else about it. So why even give it a 0.5? "It deserves at least half a point for actually booting up when you turn it on."
Shoe found himself somewhere in the middle, saying that "it's almost like Amateur Night at game programming school with this one." That's a little nicer than Dean, who said that the man of steel had gone limp. To make matters worse, EGM would later award Superman the prize for "Worst Use of a License," "Game that Should've Been the Coolest But Was Crap," "Best Reason for Kryptonite" and "Biggest Loser in this Year's Awards." With that awful distinction and an average score of 2 out of 10, it's clear that Superman was Electronic Gaming Monthly's worst reviewed game of 1999.
