Electronic Gaming Monthly's Worst Reviewed Games of 2001

KISS Pinball

#5

2001 presents an interesting problem that I have to admit I didn't foresee. Normally, the worst reviewed games come with a smattering of scores, making it easy to sort them into some kind of order. But that wasn't the case in 2001, because for the first time ever, five games have tied with the same score. As crazy as it sounds, the five games we're going to talk about today all averaged a score of 1 out of 10. And with no fair way to break the stalemate, I've decided to try something different and just leave it as a five-way tie for first place. Or would it be last place? Either way, all of these games suck equally, so don't stress too much about the order.

I guess we should start with KISS Pinball, because we might as well get it over with. This was a budget-priced pinball game based on a band who hadn't had anything resembling a hit song in at least a decade. It's also a stark reminder of the kinds of games popping up on the original PlayStation now that the PS2 is here. "Ten bucks will get you into a movie, buy you a decent dinner, or allow you to add KISS Pinball to your video game collection," notes Ethan, the critic who clearly pulled the short straw. "Of these, the last option is the only one that's guaranteed to leave you really pissed off at the end of the night. This game has a cool license, but does absolutely nothing with it." He was understandably perplexed that KISS Pinball didn't feature any KISS music, which seems like a curious oversight. He also hated the cluttered boards, awful control and complete lack of finesse. Ethan ultimately concludes that "after about 15 minutes, KISS Pinball will be tucked back into the jewel case, never to be pulled out again." EGM was not fooled by the budget-price and ultimately gave KISS Pinball a past-its-prime score of 1 out of 10.

Who Wants to Beat Up a Millionaire

#4

I want to start out by saying that Hypnotix is a good developer. This is the New Jersey-based company best known for the Outlaw series, which included Outlaw Golf, Outlaw Volleyball and Outlaw Tennis. But before they found their niche, Hypnotix was tasked with making games like Sabrina the Teenage Witch: Brat Attack, Panty Raider: From Here to Immaturity, MTV Total Request Live Trivia and Who Wants to Beat Up a Millionaire, which just so happens to be EGM's 4th worst reviewed game of 2001.

Greg describes it this way: "Imagine a game based on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, featuring a ridiculous caricature of Regis who, believe it or not, is even more annoying and irrelevant." "Unlike the true show, this parody rewards players for answering questions correctly by giving them a chance to beat up a millionaire. Beating them, of course, earns you their money." That's a fun enough idea, but the execution is all wrong. "Instead of filling the game with witty, odd trivia, you get a collection of questions that belong on Who Wants To Be a Millionaire for the mentally challenged." Greg recommends you "go into your local retailer, stand in front of the game and direct people away." Thankfully, there's no reason to do that now, but I'm pretty sure the score of 1 out of 10 still stands.

The Powerpuff Girls: Paint the Townsville Green

#3

If you're one of those people who thinks the Game Boy went out with a whimper, then I'm here to throw water on that theory. Even with Nintendo shifting resources to their next generation handheld, the Game Boy Color was still a real contender. We saw two different Legend of Zelda games show up on EGM's list of best reviewed games of 2001, and the magazine also gave high scores to Dave Mirra Freestyle BMX, Pokemon Gold & Silver, Mario Tennis and even a platformer based on the Adam Sandler comedy Little Nicky. But even with all the great games still coming out for the aging system, the Game Boy had a reputation for being the home to a lot of awful shovelware. I guess that brings us to the third game on this list -- Powerpuff Girls: Paint the Townsville Green.

Ethan sums it up perfectly: "This is the kind of title that gives the Game Boy's software library a bad reputation. For every Wario Land 3 that comes our way, we have to suffer through a dozen creatively bankrupt licensed action/platform games like this." Don't worry, it gets worse. "The developers do not get a single thing right here -- the level layout is messy, the control is awkward and unresponsive, the music is monotonous and the graphics are inexcusably poor." If you're looking for a silver lining, then Ethan has found the one good thing about Paint the Towsville Green -- it has battery backup for saving. "But who cares when the darn thing isn't worth playing, anyway?" That's a great question. There may be sugar and spice, but EGM had nothing nice to say about Powerpuff Girls: Paint the Townsville Green, which scored a pathetic 1 out of 10.

The Powerpuff Girls: Bad Mojo Jojo

#2

That's right, it's a second Powerpull Girls game. When Nintendo released two different Legend of Zelda games on the same day, everybody loved it. But when Bam! did the exact same thing with the Powerpuff Girls, the response was considerably less enthusiastic. In fact, I think it's fair to say that the reviews were almost hostile. With only one paragraph to work with, Ethan wrote one of the angriest and most cynical reviews I've seen in EGM.

You know you're in trouble when this is the opening question: "Why is it that every game geared towards a female audience ends up being terrible? Powerpuff Girls is nothing more than a piece of plastic with a licensed sticker slapped on it." Ethan called Bad Mojo Jojo a "virtually unplayable platformer" where you can't jump and finding items is a chore. This is a real problem when the goal is to collect "hundreds of trinkets from level to level." Worst yet, Bubbles "can't walk either, she 'floats' in the air, making every move feel like it's being performed on ice." He also points out the sparsely decorated backgrounds and short length, though concludes that "you'll never feel compelled to play past the second stage." Much like Paint the Townsville Green, Powerpuff Girls: Bad Mojo Jojo scores an uncontrollable 1 out of 10.

Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker

#1

If you're the type of person who absolutely must know what the worst of the worst is, then the answer is clearly Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker. Sure, I said at the top that all of these games suck equally, but you can make a convincing case that this 2001 Ubisoft dumpster fire is objectively worse than the rest. While every game scored a 1 out of 10, only Batman Beyond did that with three editors weighing in. That means that three different people gave this late-generation PlayStation game a 1, which is an extra layer of awful the other four games didn't have to worry about. You can complain about my ruling all you want in the comments below, but I think it's fair to say that Batman Beyond is EGM's worst reviewed game of 2001.

Milkman puts it bluntly: "This is the kind of game Acclaim used to bang out." He loved the fantastic cartoon for its animation, storylines and fast-paced action, but complained that none of that is present in this PlayStation game. "The graphics look like they were done by one guy with a Yaroze." In an unprecedented move, EGM's management stepped in for the final review. "We regret that Jonathan was unable to write a review for Batman this month. Following his playing the game, he fell into a complete mental paralysis and has not yet regained consciousness." He was apparently heard asking, "What the hell is happening?! Why are these jumping vacuums firing laser beams at me?! What does this have to do with the cartoon?! Why can't I get past level 2?!" In all seriousness, the three editors hated the gameplay, untextured graphics, lack of a save option and crummy animation. This is bottom of the barrel stuff. With all three editors giving the game the same score, Batman Beyond earned an embarrassing average of 1 out of 10.