Over the last few months, we've been using old issues of Electronic Gaming Monthly to rank the best and worst games for classic systems as diverse as the Sega Master System, Philips CD-I, the Genesis 32X and both the Atari Jaguar and Lynx. Unfortunately, for the next system I want to cover, we can't use EGM. That's right, despite being around for the seven months that Nintendo supported the Virtual Boy, Electronic Gaming Monthly only managed to review four games for the system. Clearly, that's not enough to base a whole episode around, but I have an idea – let's switch magazines.
Believe it or not, Nintendo Power managed to review all 14 games released for the Virtual Boy in North America. No other magazine even came close, with most covering a few big ones and then ignoring the rest. But not Nintendo Power. They put in the hard work to review the entire library. And I want to honor that dedication by using their words and review scores to assemble this not-quite-3D episode of Nintendo Power Ranks the Virtual Boy. Warning: This episode might cause headaches, nausea and strong emotional outbursts.
Waterworld (Virtual Boy)
#14
"What could be more fitting than a company called Ocean making a game called Waterworld? As it turns out, putting some water in the game might have been a good idea. This 3D shooter uses nice sprite graphics in a fairly open field of play. The game is basically an Asteroids-style shooter with unlimited levels. It's the same design as the arcade game, but the Super NES game will have more variety. On the plus side, the background music is good." (2.8 out of 5)
Mario Clash (Virtual Boy)
#13
"Mario Clash clearly demonstrates the wonders and strategies of 3D gaming on Virtual Boy. Based on the early Mario Bros. arcade game in which Mario jumped between three levels while avoiding koopas and other enemies, Mario Clash adds a layer of depth that will keep players moving and thinking in three dimensions rather than two. Good use of the 3D capabilities in the Virtual Boy both in the graphics and game strategy, though could have used more complexity and a bigger variety of settings." (3 out of 5)
Virtual League Baseball (Virtual Boy)
#12
"Kemco gets a grand slam off the Virtual Boy with this 3D, immersive baseball game. The teams may be international, but the action on the brilliant red diamond is All-American. Whether you're eyeing a 90 mile per hour fastball or running down a pop fly, Virtual League Baseball presents a realistic baseball experience with good graphics and mechanics. Unfortunately, it's difficult to make defensive plays at the fence." (3 out of 5)
Teleroboxer (Virtual Boy)
#11
"Teleroboxer takes you into a futuristic boxing match against robots and people who are powered up in their cybersuits. Gameplay feels a lot like Super Punch-Out. You can dodge to either side, hit high or low, block and use special moves. Learning how to outwit the computer opponents can e challenging since the action is fast and the AI is unpredictable. Telerobixing has a good challenging and interesting opponents with super moves, but needs more boxers." (3.2 out of 5)
Galactic Pinball (Virtual Boy)
#10
"Galactic Pinball combines traditional pinball play and feel with a 3D element that keeps the puck (not a ball) flying at multiple levels. There's a good variety to the boards and some cool sound effects, however, the 3D doesn't add much to the way the game is played and no battery to save your high scores." (3.3 out of 5)
Vertical Force (Virtual Boy)
#9
"On the surface, Vertical Force may seem like just another space shooters, but there are really two surfaces or layers where the action takes place, and that makes for an interesting new game play experience. Strategically, this design gives players new opportunities for ducking out of danger while it also presents new dangers for leaping smack into the path of enemy ships and missiles. Vertical Force has a good sci-fi premise and precise play control, but is ultimately a fairly standard shooter." (3.3 out of 5)
Jack Bros. (Virtual Boy)
#8
"It's Halloween and the witching hour approaches for Jack Frost, Jack Lantern and Jack Skelton – three faerie creators who can't be caught away from the underworld after midnight or they vanish in a flash of red LED vapor. Much of the play of Jack Bros. is classic maze stuff, but the game has a surprising adventure feel to it, as well, partially due to the overhead graphic perspective that is reminiscent of a Zelda game. It's more challenging than you might expect, but has poor text and ... faeries on Halloween??" (3.3 out of 5)
Mario's Tennis (Virtual Boy)
#7
"Tennis in Virtual Boy 3D brings a more realistic tennis experience to home players than is possible on television monitors. This game combines an easy learning curve with lots of action, plus, it has some of the most famous characters from the Nintendo universe. You'll like the excellent tennis action and play control, as well as the fun characters and modes. Unfortunately, Mario's Tennis is lacking a two-player option." (3.4 out of 5)
Golf (Virtual Boy)
#6
"T&E Soft is no stranger when it comes to quality golf games and Virtual Boy Golf uses some of the same excellent features, including the curved swing meter and gridded putting surface. The best part of the game, however, is the sense of control. An easy-to-use spinning menu lets you choose clubs, adjust your stance, view the course or your score and generally do all the things you could do on a real golf course. Golf has a great sense of 3D, however, it's a bit limited with only one course." (3.5 out of 5)
Red Alarm (Virtual Boy)
#5
"The first shooter for Virtual Boy turns out to be much more than the simple shooters you may have played on two-dimensional video game systems. The wire-frame vector graphics convey a sense of depth in the Virtual Boy environments, but the graphics also present a few difficulties since there are no visible solid surfaces to indicate when your fighter has reached a barrier. Once you figure out how to navigate, the action really starts to howl." (3.5 out of 5)
Nester's Funky Bowling (Virtual Boy)
#4
"One of America's favorite games has surprisingly few video game counterparts, but that may change now that Nester's Funky Bowling for Virtual Boy is here. The one-time quipster from the pages of Nintendo Power has found his dream world, a world in which he is the focus of everybody's attention. The physics of the movement of the ball and pins is very realistic. Some great animations rub it in when you miss a spare. It offers very solid bowling action and a fun challenge, but alternating play on Virtual Boy is awkward." (3.5 out of 5)
Panic Bomber (Virtual Boy)
#3
"The Tetris-like action of Panic Bomber involves eliminating blocks by matching up three-in-a-row and bombing that can blast entire chunks of blocks. It takes strategy and quick reflexes, and most of all, you want to avoid panicking. The puzzling is fast and fun, but it doesn't make good use of the Virtual Boy's 3D capabilities." (3.5 out of 5)
3D Tetris (Virtual Boy)
#2
"Tetris enters a new era on Virtual Boy in the form of 3D Tetris from Nintendo. Instead of the flat tetrads filling in a vertical column, players now find full, 3D blocks that must be stacked to fill a 3D space. On the plus side, this is a challenging game that automatically saves your progress and high scores. However, players won't find it easy to spend the hours they spent on the original Tetris." (3.6 out of 5)
Wario Land (Virtual Boy)
#1
"War Land not only shows off all that the Virtual Boy can be, it rocks. This is a fully realized game with some great 3D elements. In fourteen stages, you'll face four major baddies and hundreds of lesser foes who come at Wario from every side, including the front and the back. If you've waited for a big Virtual Boy game, this is it. The only downside is that you'll want even more." (4.3 out of 5)
