Gaming's Best & Worst Christmas-Themed Magazine Covers

ELECTRONIC GAMES (December 1982)

Electronic Games was my first choice, a mag from the 80s.
Back when Reagan was President and you were still babies.
It has a Jolly St. Nick just counting down the hours,
And a creepy Mini-Me Santa straight out of Austin Powers.

ZZAP! 64 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

The choir sang out for this Zzap! 64 cover,
Promising free prizes for the hardcore contest lover.
Win Gauntlet, win bicycles and a stereo in Hi-Fi,
There's even a "ghettoblaster," if you want to be That Guy.

ELECTRONIC FUN (DECEMBER 1982)

E.T. shows up on Electronic Fun with Computers & Games,
A classic magazine that should have brainstormed more names.
Sitting an inch from the TV he'll surely go blind,
Which is still a lot better than this awful design.

ELECTRONIC FUN (DECEMBER 1983)

The year is 1983 and Santa races overhead,
He rocks a customized arcade machine bolted to his sled.
He doesn't care about safety; he's in such a hurry,
But with a game crash incoming, he probably should worry.

GAME INFORMER (DECEMBER 1992)

Hey look, Chester Cheetah is always at the ready,
He rides a flying scooter and keeps Santa steady.
He's delivering Jimmy's skates, Mary's doll and Katniss' crossbow,
Which is pretty much the same thing he does on this cover of GamePro.

N-FORCE #7

Next we saw Santa come in guns-a-blazing,
Coked out of his mind, which was kind of amazing.
There's an alien nearby with a bright Rudolph nose,
And he'll quickly kill everybody, because that's normally how it goes.

SUPER PLAY #3

There's Spider-Man, R2-D2 and a festive Chun Li,
It's the mash-up you've dreamed about all under the tree.
But lest you believe Super Play always comes through,
The rest of their holiday covers pretty much blew.

SNES FORCE #7

We celebrate Christmas as the day Jesus was born,
But this SNES Force cover looks more like gay porn.
He's bloodied and bruised from the fighting game season,
Clutching that mistletoe for one lascivious reason.

ELECTRONIC GAMES (DECEMBER 1984)

With no presents to give and Christmas in flames,
It's off to the mall with Electronic Games.
Here you'll find pugilists, thieves and even a punk,
You should have shopped at Amazon at home when you were drunk.

ELECTRONIC GAMES #4

Here's a toast to the New Year and all its surprises,
Which will mostly be sequels, reboots and old franchises.
So remember to be reach out to the people you most cherish,
Because Coleco's Adam Bomb is coming and thousands will perish!