Jesse McCartney Needs a New Console

Now that MTV doesn't play music videos anymore and all of the good radio stations have been taken over by big corporations, I have found myself listening to only a few select artists. Ten years ago I used to have a wide range of musical tastes, however lately it seems like the only bands I listen to are Sigur Ros, Fleet Foxes and Sonic Youth. Seeing as this is the new year, I have decided to resolve to listen to a broader mix of tunes.

To do this I decided to take a look at the biggest songs of 2008; you know, see what the kids are listening to. I was shocked, appalled and a little depressed at all of the senseless rap and moaning R&B singers, all the songs started to mix together and sound the same. After withstanding the torture that is Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, T.I. and Beyonce, I decided to throw my hands up in the air and give up. But something pushed me on, hoping that maybe, just maybe, I would find a song that I actually liked.

I'm glad I listened to my inner voice because otherwise I would never have discovered Jesse McCartney's newest hit, It's Over. Now don't get me wrong, I hated the song and the video, the whole ordeal was enough to drive me back to the warm embrace of Portishead's newest album, Third. So why am I happy to have discovered this video? Because it gives me the opportunity to tell Jesse McCartney that it's time to upgrade your video game console.

You heard me, Jesse. I don't care who you are, as a 21 year old dude, it's your responsibility to buy a new console. There's no reason for you to still be making music videos of you fondling games for the original PlayStation. Don't know what I'm talking about? I guess you're the perfect candidate for Defunct Games' newest video. Check this out and we'll talk after the video ...

Yikes, that's quite a price tag. But really, the only thing making this video so expensive is the research and development costs that go into creating your own teleporter. If Jesse could somehow get around actually teleporting people he would save close to a $100 billion. And with a savings of that much, there's simply no reason why he can't afford an Xbox 360 or PlayStation 3. Heck, all he needed to do was pay one less extra or take a day off from his choreography lessons.

Or, better yet, he could have borrowed a newer game. After all, he's not really doing anything with it, just putting it into a machine that erases it. Wait, what?? How do you erase a PlayStation 1 disc? And why is he falling down in slow motion? Is it too late to do a whole show on that naked Britney Spears video?