Next Generation's 1 Star Reviews: The 37 Worst Video Games of 1996

Arcade Classics (Genesis)

#1

“Arcade Classics' most obvious shortcoming is that it only contains three games. These titles can certainly be considered classics, but the versions included on the cartridge are far from the arcade versions most people remember. Ultimately, those who unwittingly go searching for fond nostalgic remembrances of their youth in Arcade Classics are more likely to discover suppressed memories of childhood trauma instead.”

BC Racers (3DO)

#2

“With all the amazing racing games that are showing up on PlayStation and Saturn, what could 3DO do to compete? Hopefully, BC Racers wasn't its attempt, because it's possibly one of the worst racing games we've seen in a long time. Three years ago on a 16-bit machine, BC Racers would've been a fine game, but if 3DO wants to be considered a next-generation machine, BC Racers is not the kind of game the system needs to release. If you're dying for a 3DO racer, The Need For Speed, Road Rash, in fact, any other game would do you better than this.”

Catfight (PC)

#3

“Catfight is just what you think it is: An all-female fighting game. Digitized women in scanty costumes duke it out with special moves, combos and intense blocks. The designers at Phantom blow it at every turn, from the poor image quality to the ridiculously insane special effects and abysmal sound. It makes us wonder who should be pitied more: The people who spend good money on this tripe thinking it might be worthwhile, or the mental defectives who put it together and thought: “This is good. People will buy it.” In fact, it's tempting to believe Catfight was designed as a snaky militant feminist ploy, since it serves as perfect punishment for the sexist males who might buy it.”

Cutthroat Island (Genesis)

#4

“Cutthroat Island doesn't suffer from any one blatant shortcoming, instead it suffers from a lack of anything that sets it apart from an action game three years ago. There's the Final Fight gameplay, the 8-bit NES quality graphics, and finally the obligatory mine-cart level that all together makes Cutthroat Island one of the more generic titles available. If there was a formula for making poor action games (and we're starting to believe there is), Cutthroat Island would be the template.”

CyberSpeed (PC)

#5

“If you want a game that requires a mainframe computer to run smoothly, has about as much control as a 747 with no steering yoke, and looks as good as Roseanne in a bikini, this is it. This is supposed to be racing in the future, but it's more like the future of torture. The graphics are drab and, with only a few exceptions, the tracks are uninspired. If you want a racing sim, check out Whiplash and avoid CyberSpeed like, well, Roseanne in a bikini.”

DeathKeep (PC)

#6

“Every now and then a title comes from a reputable publisher of fine entertainment software that is so horrendous, so inane, that it makes you wonder who approves a product for retail. Either that or a person has a terribly strange sense of fun, or they were off to the restroom for a long time while DeathKeeper slipped by. At least this can be said for it: If, for some inexplicable reason, a player finds the game a joy to play, at least they'll have 25 dungeons, each with eight levels to explore. Still, no matter how much crap you throw on the pile, it's still going to stink.”

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - Harbinger (PC)

#7

“Sometimes, when you expect a product to be entertaining and it's not, it's worse than if you had no expectations at all. That's exactly the emotion Deep Space Nine: Harbinger evokes. With the actors who portray the characters on the television show voice acting and some incredible rendered environments and characters, what could go wrong? Well, just about everything. The sad thing is that this could have been a great game. With a little thought, a bit of coherency and a storyline that didn't seem so contrived, it could have been a real winner. As it is, the actors should've spent their time on another TV episode.”

Frankenstein: Through the Eyes of the Monster (PC)

#8

“Imagine, if you will, a world where Tim Curry is Mary Shelly's maniacal, demented Dr. Frankenstein. Now, imagine waking up as a monster, created for no other reason than scientific curiosity. If you can do that, you've already had more fun than you would if you played Frankenstein: Through the Eyes of the Monster. The end result is a game that makes about as much sense as bathing in sewage.”

Fury 3 (PC)

#9

“It looks like Terminal Velocity. It plays like Terminal Velocity. But it's not Terminal Velocity. It's Fury 3. You would think that a company who could create a revolution in PC operating systems would be able to create an original game to run under it. Instead, we get a game that's already been released under a different name. If you're looking for a game to demonstrate your hot new operating system, miss this one.”

In the Hunt (PlayStation)

#10

“This Japanese release, an odd shoot ‘em up, features a zaftig little submarine that, in spite of the game's childlike atmosphere, moves in a way that's affected by realistic physics. That is to say, the damn thing is so slow that you feel like you're swimming through Bill Cosby's favorite Jell-O brand gelatin with a pair of fins. While very young gamers might enjoy the lightshow, the lethargic tempo and lack of originality are sure to put anyone over the age of 10 to sleep.”

Jupiter Strike (PlayStation)

#11

“Acclaim has reached an exclusive deal with the financially sagging Taito to distribute its products here in the U.S. Based on the first game to be picked up through that deal; let's just hope that Acclaim didn't shell out too much. It may be worth pointing out here that if a company is in trouble, there's probably a reason for it. Stay away, don't add their problems to your own.”

Killing Zone (PlayStation)

#12

“If Tekken 2 is the finest 3D brawler PlayStation has ever seen, Killing Zone is trying its darndest to be the one at the bottom of the barrel. The animation is among the worstwe've ever seen, play control can charitably be called “peculiar,” and the camera angles jump around in a way that's supposed to be dynamic, but only serves to be totally confusing. The heartbreak of it all is that, on paper, Killing Zone could have been a standout. Its characters are all classic monsters, either from movies and mythology, and the original plan was to make the game dark and gory as hell. However, the final version is almost totally bloodless, and most of the characters just wind up looking dull or stupid, not scary at all. Overall, a better title would have been Fright For Life.”

Manic Karts (PC)

#13

“In a market overrun by arcade racing games, it's strange to come across a racing title that so obviously can't compare. Yet, Manic Media Productions seemed to think it would be a good idea to make one without the elements that made its previous racer, Super Karts, entertaining (like play control, inventive tracks, stylish graphics – you know the fun stuff). Avoid it at all costs.”

Metal Jacket (PlayStation)

#14

“Offering some interesting options, like the ability to fight in snow at different times of day or night, Metal Jacket is another fighting robot Japan release. The computer-controlled combatants are so speedy it's nearly impossible for a mere human to keep up. Targeting and movement are confusing, as well, which doesn't help, and the missions all appear to be search-and-destroy affairs. In other words, it's substandard however you look at it.”

Miner's Revenge (Arcade)

#15

“And we thought shooters couldn't get any simpler. With video games like Miner's Revenge, laser-gun shooters like Zombie Raid are deep, dark, complex, even metaphysical in comparison. You can't reload, you don't control the cart, each level is nearly identical and you could easily drop your gun, walk away, and forget this game ever existed. There's more interaction in watching a Saturday morning cartoon than in this dud.”

Pool Champion (PC)

#16

“Pool Champion mixes the traditional pool sim with a graphic adventure of sorts. As a fledgling pool player, you travel from sleazy pool halls to the elitist world of pro tournaments. That's all fine and good, and there were a couple of console games a few years back that tried the same thing. The trouble here is, the actual pool playing pretty much sucks. If you're looking for a graphic adventure, buy an adventure. If you're looking for a pool sim, you're better off checking out Interplay's Virtual Pool.”

Pulstar (Neo Geo)

#17

“In a time when shooters have ceased to advance beyond early ‘80s innovations, Pulstar hits the shelves as if to reinforce the genre's nearing death. The game looks and plays much like Atari's Defender, with a couple of differences. The graphics are improved, the game is slower, and the gameplay is just not as fun. If it weren't for the molasses like pace of the game, then Pulstar could've been another generic shooter. Instead, it's even worse.”

Qin: Tomb of the Middle Kingdom (PC)

#18

“We've seen it all before: Thrust into a photorealistic world, the player wanders through high-resolution artwork, solving puzzles. Myst has procreated once again, asexually budding off another offspring with little more interest than the others, although at least in Qin you can learn a few things. It's not so bad for those into ancient Chinese mythology, but if you're looking for an actual game to play, it's damn dull stuff.”

Revolution X (Genesis & Super NES)

#19

“As an arcade game, Revolution X was nothing more than a light gun game with Aerosmith in it. As a home game, it's even worse, with laughable graphics, indistinguishable digitized voices, and awful music. The motion-captured enemies lack any life and the backgrounds are even worse than ugly. This game is for the most die-hard of Aerosmith fans only – and in case you're wondering, no, the girl that's always in Aerosmith's videos is not in the game.”

SkyBorg: Into the Vortex (PC)

#20

“Skyborg is an example of everything that can go wrong when a computer game is based on a series of collectible cards rather than a solid game concept. The game runs under Windows, but it's not optimized for Windows 95. You have to do a lot of clicking to travel from place to place, which grows old fast. Even though the game looks great, it moves about as quick as a pregnant whale, and after a few hours going around in circles, it's not going to hold much interest.”

Space Bucks (PC)

#21

“With the exception of Gazillionaire, there are no real good space-based trading sims on the market. Counting Space Bucks, well, there's still nothing. There's no cut-throat strategy for undermining the competition's prices, no sabotage of trading routes, no space battles – not even the occasional price war. If you're yearning for a science fiction trading sim, play High Seas Trader while watching the Star Wars trilogy.”

Space Dude (PC)

#22

“This particular game translates into a lot of silly flying sequences, where you have to move Space Dude, using the keyboard, to avoid a whole slew of projectiles, from missiles to sharks. Not bad so far, right? There is a tiny bit of strategy involved, but that's not enough to even hope to compensate for the complete lack of playability. Then it gets worse: There's no save feature. In a move that hearkens back to the dawn of gaming, you simply have to start from the beginning every single time. It's possible that some folks might find the cartoon animation mildly entertaining and get a chuckle out of Space Dude's yell, but it gets old faster than whole milk left to sit on a radiator, and is nearly as nauseating.”

Spawn (Super NES)

#23

“Based on a popular comic book character, Spawn is such an obvious attempt to capitalize on name recognition that you'll be insulted just upon seeing it. Suffering from problems with just about everything -- a lack of speed, poor play control, and lousy graphics – this completely generic attempt at a video game is less enjoyable than a skin rash. Avoid it at all costs!”

Spot Goes to Hollywood (PlayStation)

#24

“The mascot in question is the Cool Spot of 7Up fame, the nondescript product representative second only to Jack in the Box's bubble-headed Jack in dullness. This is, of all things, a 32-bit port of the 16-bit title that annoyed us last year, with no significant upgrades or extras. To add to the list of grievances, since Spot is in an isometric view and mostly moves in diagonal directions, control is a real pain, and the ability to switch the controls to diagonal settings just makes it more confusing. Any 10-year-old is bound to throw down the controller in disgust after, say, the umpteenth failure maneuvering Spot along a narrow rope bridge. Go back to pushing pop, kid.”

Star Trek: Klingon (PC)

#25

“Whether this is a game or a movie, Star Trek: Klingon isn't much fun. Klingon is actually little more than a video disc that makes you click the mouse every now and then to see more movie. Of course, if you click the wrong thing, you have to see parts of the movie you've already seen again. When you get to the end, you realize that not only have you wasted the past two hours, but that for roughly one-tenth of the cost, you could have had more fun renting Generations again.”

Striker ‘96 (Saturn)

#26

“The idea behind Striker was to make a soccer game that was pure arcade fun. The end result: A game totally lacking in substance and style. The graphics aren't even on par with many 16-bit games, and the control is extremely frustrating. Player animation is stiff, and controlling the ball down the pitch lacks any sort of strategy or set of skills. Frankly, there are far too many good soccer games on store shelves to think about Striker as an option.”

Super Stardust '96 (PC)

#27

“There's a depressingly small number of good 2D shooters for the PC, and Super Stardust '96 is a perfect example of why. As soon as the game starts, only one word pops to mind – Asteroids. That's exactly what the game is – a complicated version of Asteroids. To be fair, there are a few different styles of gameplay. However, that's still not enough to make up for the overwhelming lack of originality. Ultimately, it's a sad attempt to bring back a type of game that's been dead for a very long time.”

Supercross 3D (Jaguar)

#28

“While the idea seems likely enough to be entertaining, Supercross 3D manages to eliminate most of the raw potential of this fabulous sport. From the very opening seconds of the first practice round, the first thing you will notice is an extremely choppy delivery and a thoroughly mediocre look. The introduction of other racers makes matters worse, and confusing perspectives and severe slowdown problems seal the lid on the coffin.”

TekWar (PC)

#29

“Never mind the fact that this game is based on William Shatner's books and the television series TekWar. Forget the fact that William Shatner stars in the grainy full-motion video cut-scenes interspersed throughout the game. And ignore the storyline direct from the TV show. And finally, after blocking out all of this nonsense, if you whittle down to the core of this game, you get an abhorrent duplicate of Doom. Only fanatical fans of TekWar or Bill Shatner should get this one, and even they probably won't like it.”

3-D Tetris(Virtual Boy)

#30

“There was a time when Game Boys flew off the shelves into the hands of adults who were addicted to the greatest puzzle game of all time. The hallowed name “Tetris” was synonymous with portable gaming excellence. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. If Nintendo is hoping for lightning to strike twice, it's in for quite a disappointment. Tetris 3D epitomizes the problems inherent in the Virtual Boy itself. The simple yet challenging gameplay is almost entirely gone; what remains is an ill-conceived mutation that fails to compare even remotely to the original. Ultimate, the player now ends up spending more time fighting with the game's design flaws than playing or enjoying it. It's what you might call ... baffling.”

The Dame was Loaded (PC)

#31

“In a market where FMV is becoming as common as it is tedious, finding a title that gives new life to an overdone medium is like finding a gem on a mountain of coal. Unfortunately, The Dame Was Loaded is anthracite to the core. As a game, it isn't much of a challenge, and there's no real reward. Dedicated players could finish it in a few sittings, as it's about as exciting to play as its cheesy, ersatz Maltese Falcon story is to experience – that is to say, it's no fun at all.”

Time Killers (Genesis)

#32

“It's rare that a game is released which lacks any redeeming qualities whatsoever. But with Time Killers, a disease has been released in the world that should serve as a warning to future generations to come. Harsh words? It takes 10 seconds of play to convince even the most casual gamer that Time Killers is easily the worst example of a 2D fighting game in history. Is there anything that elevates Time Killers? There are moves for bloody decapitations, but rest assured, any amusement derived from the macabre humor will soon be drowned in the nightmarish hell of the gameplay. After 10 seconds, you might well wish somebody would rip your own head off, just to kill the pain.”

Venom & Spider-Man: Separation Anxiety (PC)

#33

“Windows 95 is opening doors to the generation of 16-bit platform gaming titles. If these are the games that we're going to see, however, perhaps it wasn't such a good idea after all. This is an arcade bash-fest with little in the way of intricacy and depth possible in a PC game. It's a great port of an action game, and it might be welcomed by players eager to try out what they've been missing without a Super NES, but nowadays these games are a dime a dozen in cartridge form.”

Vertical Force (Virtual Boy)

#34

“The back of the Vertical Force box claims “actual game play is 3D,” but the truth is far less dramatic. The definition of 3D employed in this overhead shooter is one in which two separate planes of gameplay co-exist, within a completely confusing environment of mindless enemy ships and constant red gunfire. If this were a regular game, then it may have been a far less troublesome ordeal, but it's not. Beyond the very unsuccessful 3D elements in Veritcal Force, this game is totally uninspired.”

Viewpoint (PlayStation)

#35

“For the record, this was the most heralded shooter to ever hit the Neo Geo. While it's true, the nearly 100% pre-rendered graphics look just great and the techno soundtrack has a catchy, if languid beat. However, this conversion is slowly paced, control is sluggish and the difficulty level is off the scale, even on the easy mode. It's one of those bizarre games almost deliberately designed as the antithesis of fun. We have no idea what kind of sadist converted this, but unless you're also an equally extreme masochist, give it a wide berth.”

VR Troopers (Genesis)

#36

“Trying to cash in on the Power Rangers' success, VR Troopers is a campy childrens' show and everyone knows what great games those make, right? Well, this game is exceptionally generic with some real simplistic fighting and nothing that makes it worth owning, unless you're a huge fan of the show.”

X-Perts (Genesis)

#37

“Every now and then, a game comes along that is not simply bad, but intrinsically insulting. The fact that Sega is asking an unsuspecting public to fork over $70 for the painful gaming experience that is X-Perts elevates the game – or perhaps denigrates would be a better term – from the insulting level to being a crime against humanity. X-Perts is the ultimate argument for letting the 16-bit systems die rather than prolonging the pain.”