What do the games Street Sk8ter, Mortal Kombat Gold and Chocobo Racing all have in common? These three terrible games were all released in 1999, but they were NOT that year's worst games. At least, not according to NEXT Generation magazine, who gave all three of these stinkers two stars out of five. As crazy as it sounds, NEXT Generation gave 21 different games a lower score than Street Sk8ter. I'm talking about the dreaded one-star, and today we're going to go through all of these reviews and read the meanest, nastiest and snarkiest quotes from all 21 of these supposedly awful games. This is NEXT Generation's One-Star Reviews, and these are the 21 worst games of 1999.
3Xtreme (PlayStation)
#1
“It must be a kick to see what goes on behind closed doors at 989 Studios – we're curious how the company can actually justify some of the decisions made on games it releases. How can 989 Studios say that enough design work went into 3Xtreme to rationalize the game being different than the previous two incarnations of the Xtreme license? There's no way to dance around the fact: 3Xtreme is still just Road Rash on a skateboard, inline skates or a BMX ike, and it's still not as good as Road Rash, either. While 989 obviously cares about some titles (GameDay and possibly MLB), it clearly doesn't care at all about the others, judging from the way it churns out hideous gameplay-free, cash-in sequels like this, Twisted Metal, Cool Boarders, and now Xtreme. Stop the madness!”
A Bug's Life (Nintendo 64)
#2
“Like the terrible PlayStation version before it, A Bug's Life not only fails to live up to its license, but can't even manage being a decent platform game on its own. Fidgety controls and problematic camera angles make things hideously frustrating, especially for the younger crowd that the game's painfully simple goals and level designs seem geared toward. Although most fo the graphics are adequately done and there are a few original levels, such as playing out Flik's dandelion ride, the fatally flawed interface and poor tie-in to the license will disappoint fans of both the genre and the movie. Any way you slice it, this sucks.”
All-Star Tennis '99 (Nintendo 64)
#3
“Tennis fans looking for a true recreation of their sport should steer clear of All Star Tennis. Despite the inclusion of licensed pros like Michael Chang, this game quickly loses its appeal with an age-old control problem – the same stick used to run the player around the court also controls shot direction. When making a diving save to the right, it's nearly impossible to hit the ball cross-court to the left to keep it within the lines. For tennis purists, this game is a net loss – for gamers looking for a good time, the control issues make the game unacceptable.”
Blast Radius (PlayStation)
#4
“If every bad idea that came up during the production of Colony Wars was rolling into one game, Blast Radius would be the result. The problems start as early as the main briefing screens. The mission briefings scroll by automatically, faster than most people are going to be able to read. Once into the gameplay, Blast Radius becomes a simple matter of survival, shoot first and ask questions later, and not much else. It doesn't matter how much of a space-fighter fan you are, Blast Radius is just plain bad.”
Contender (PlayStation)
#5
“Never, it seems, has a game aimed so low and missed even that goal so spectacularly. Contender is everything we dislike about poorly done games, and, in fact, it rightfully earns the moniker of being a “last generation” game. From the uninspired graphics to the sloppy and ill-thought-out gameplay, there is nothing in Contender that stands out as being particularly good and quite a bit that is actually painful to experience. Sony should be ashamed of inflicting this abomination on the gaming public.”
Corsairs: Conquest at Sea (PC)
#6
“Corsairs has promise – who can resist a pirate game? But while it looks good and sounds good, it sure doesn't play good. The biggest problem is the absolutely terrible unit AI. For example, when two ships collide and the game switches to boarding mode, it's not unusual to see men standing around doing nothing. Not flanking around and attacking the enemy, but just standing there, waiting to be attacked. Winning a battle requires heavy micro-management. Worse, once the game switches to the boarding mode, no other ships can affect the battle – from a strategy standpoint, this is ludicrous. Basically, the extra ships just stand around watching. If a little more work had gone into polishing the gameplay, this could have been a real gem. As it is, it's a lump of coal.”
Deadly Arts (Nintendo 64)
#7
“Every once in a while, a game comes out that makes you wonder what the company's motives were in releasing it. Somewhere, at some time in production, somebody important must have known that the game would be totally and utterly bad, yet the decision was made to continue the project. There is even a point where the company could probably saved themselves some face and money y just not printing the cartridges and leaving the game unreleased. Unfortunately, Deadly Arts has made it through all of these stages unchecked and now has been inflicted upon the general buying public as a 'fighting game.'”
Demolition Racer (PlayStation)
#8
“Demolition Racer was developed by much of the same team as the original Destruction Derby from Psygnosis years ago, and it shows, in just about every way. Although this game has some “modern” enhancements like shortcuts, the game mechanics might as well have been transplanted whole and bleeding from Destruction Derby. Worst of all, the game is wildly inconsistent. Points are awarded by colliding with other cars, and in theory, the faster you hit one, the greater the points. In reality, it seems almost random: barely tapping a rear bumper in a turn causes an opponent to explode, while slamming into a totally stationary car on the next bend yields no score at all. The steering and control are likewise almost totally unpredictable, and – in a serious and unforgiveable bug – even the camera angle jumps around, from high-and-back to first-person for absolutely no reason. Steer clear of this smoking wreck.”
Duke Nukem: Zero Hour (Nintendo 64)
#9
“This is the game equivalent of an old buddy calling you from a bar; upon arrival you discover that all of the patrons are missing teeth, the waitresses have varicose veins, and your uddy needs a loan. Zero Hour keeps most of the Duke trappings intact, but don't let that pull you in. Worst of all, sometimes you're killed instantly because you've got no way to know when, for example, a car is going to crush you dead until after it happens. Since the only time you can save it after completing an entire (long, tedious) level, this means slogging through the same level, over and over, until you get everything right. Abysmal. Avoid this like radioactive bat droppings.”
Expendable (Dreamcast)
#10
“Expendable is the kind of game that makes us, as reviewers, go home warm and happy. Why? Because by warning you against even coming near it in the store, we know we've done our good deed for the day. This could be called an “old-style shooter,” except that unlike a lot of old-style shooters, it's no fun at all. A shameful waste of technology, this “game” is loaded with pointlessly flashy special effects that actually obscure the action, sluggish control that makes lining up with the targets nearly impossible, and poorly chosen camera angles that not only make it tough to see where some enemies are coming from, but even occasionally reversing themselves, without warning. In other words, be glad someone else was getting paid to play this for you, and pity him.”
G-Police: Weapons of Justice (PlayStation)
#11
“This second game in the G-Police series is still plagued by the problems that were apparent in the original. This time around, though, the weaknesses overshadow the strengths. The 30 regular missions and 15 hidden missions are elaborately designed with plenty of surprises for maximum dramatic effect, but these get buried by control issues and the too-flashy, but ultimately confusing, visuals. It seems Weapons of Justice was designed to be a very complex and full game, btu in the process, the designers forgot to make the game playable as well.”
Invasion from Beyond (PlayStation)
#12
“An open message to game developers – if you want your game to be fun, don't make the player read a mission-update screen every sixty seconds. It's annoying, annoying, annoying. Unfortunately for Invasion From Beyond, a vaguely 3D shooter, frequent text screens popping up in the middle of everything are the least of the game's problems. Had it been released three years ago, Invasion From Beyond might have looked good, but when compared with today's titles, it just looks dated and ugly. Don't let the cool retro box art fool you. This game deserves to be passed on, even when it's staring up from the bottom of the bargain bin.”
NFL Xtreme 2 (PlayStation)
#13
“Like the original NFL Xtreme, NFL Xtreme 2 starts with a good premise. Take a few NFL stars, stick them on teams of five, and let them play smash-mouth football with huge hits and in-your-face celebrations. No rules. No referee. No penalties. In other words, rip off NFL Blitz. Unfortunately, the premise is about as cool as the game gets. Sure, there are some bit hits, and the taunts flow freely, but Blitz did it better even the first time around, and Xtreme's feeble humor only goes so far. Slapping real faces on the porky bodies doesn't help much, either. Football purists will not be amused. Blitz fans will not be amused. In fact, unless you're looking for a simple diversion and don't mind an erratic playbook, neither will you.”
O.D.T.: Escape ... Or Die Trying (PlayStation)
#14
“This game is such an obvious knock-off of Tomb Raider that there are critical Tomb Raider features that aren't even mentioned in the manual, such as the fact that using the R2 button to walk keeps you from falling off ledges. It would have been nice of them to let you in on that particular technique because until you figure it out, you either have to creep along or you fall a lot. Maybe they were saving it for the clue book. You can choose to play one of four different characters, but the game is the same every time you play it, so there wasn't much point giving players more than one unless they were hoping to add replay value. Die trying, or better yet, don't bother trying at all.”
Psybadek (PlayStation)
#15
“For a game that's been hyped for nearly two years, Psybadek arrives as a huge disappointment. Psygnosis delivered a game hampered by technological flaws and rough design that never even scratches the surface of its own potential. Apart from the technical problems, Psybadek also suffers from utterly bewildering level design. As a hybrid title consisting of “hoverboarding” and platforming, there are more than a few areas that require you to navigate tricky paths that include large gaps and island like platforms. If you had full control over your character, this would be a piece of cake. Instead, your character has his feet firmly planted on a board and can only really travel in two modes: full-speed and stopped. Not only is it beyond frustrating to attempt to even survive such an area, but it's simply horrible game design to expect the gamer to be able to do so.”
Ring: The Legend of the Nibelungen (PC)
#16
“An interactive adventure in the style of Myst and Riven, Ring attempts to capture the atmosphere and majesty of Wagner's operatic Ring Cycle. Except it fails miserably. The story becomes mere background for a series of puzzles that range from juvenile to simply impossible. The puzzles, unfortunately, have nothing to do with the actual story and ruin any atmosphere in the game. Graphically dark and stylized, the game looks very pretty except when anything moves. But luckily, this is rare, as you spend most of the time staring at backgrounds with spot animation on one character's mouth. Add to that a sleep-inducing point-click-die-reload interface and it becomes an exercise in pure tedium. The music's nice, though.”
Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace (PlayStation)
#17
“Have you ever felt “different”? Do you have fantastic reflexes beyond that of a normal person? Can you sense enemies around you that you cannot see? Do you have inhuman patience? Is so, you may be a Jedi and therefore qualified to play Star Wars: Episode I. Fear was developer Big Ape's ally with this one. Fear of the original idea, fear of fun, and fear of being technologically impressive. And, after many hours of deaths and reloading, you will begin to fear that you have made a bad purchase. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering. This game is the path to the dark side.”
Superman (Nintendo 64)
#18
“Titus' new Superman title is essentially a cross between Pilotwings and a third-person exploration game. The 3D environment vaguely representing Metropolis scrolls by at such inconsistent speeds and is so hampered by inappropriate camera angles that navigation becomes more of a chore than entertainment. Use of Superman's signature abilities is limited and, oddly, they can only be used after finding the appropriate power-ups. Making matters worse is the repetitive soundtrack that would likely annoy the real Superman's enhanced auditory sense to the point where he would strip the Earth of its atmospheric layer to avoid hearing it again. Hands down, the worst game in years. Everyone even remotely connected with this should be banished to the Phantom Zone and all existing cartridges hurled into the sun.”
Suzuki Alstare Extreme Racing (Dreamcast)
#19
“Proof positive that exciting new systems don't always mean exciting new games, Suzuki Alstare Extreme Racing has the Suzuki team license (obviously) and some fairly decent graphics, but that's about it. In fact, on the whole, it's about as generic as they come. The races begin by being ridiculously easy, and there's very little challenge until about halfway through when the other riders start deliberately bumping you. Even so, once you get the hang of a given track, it's not hard to stay out front, despite the nearly primitive physics model. There's a vague sense of speed, and the control isn't bad, but mostly it's just pretty boring.”
Twisted Metal III (PlayStation)
#20
“Picking up where someone left off isn't easy in any industry, but when SingleTrac left Sony holding the rights to the lucrative Twisted Metal license, something terrible happened. Sony looked to 989 Studios to carry on the series, but where the new team took the game, you just don't want to go. Twisted Metal made a huge impact when the PlayStation first hit the market, but times (and tastes) have changed. Twisted Metal III offers nothing new. There's nothing to this game but the same drive-and-shoot action from level to level with no payoff to keep your interest.”
WCW Mayhem (Nintendo 64)
#21
“It's sad when a game with this much hype ends up being just another clone in the genre's history. WCW Mayhem does sport one new gimmick that has the illusion of innovation, but there's nothing here that wrestling fans haven't already seen and long since grown bored with. Awful collision detection and a cheap, primitive grappling engine makes the actual wrestling pointless, and much-vaunted out-of-the-ring areas (locker rooms, parking lots, etc.) are nothing more than boxes with bad textures on them that add nothing to gameplay. If this game existed in a total vacuum, it would barely pass – in the face of WrestleMania 2000 and even Attitude, it's simply inexcusable.”
