For the past eight years, Defunct Games has been there showing you the good, bad and ridiculous happenings at the Electronic Entertainment Expo in Los Angeles, California. E3 2009 is no exception, only this time around we're not going to bother you with pointless previews and hands-on articles. This year we've decided to give gamers what they want ... POETRY! Over the next five days I am going to update this page with haikus about all of the newest games and announcements. Best of all, I am going to be posting new updates all throughout the day and night, so come back for more new haikus and personal thoughts. Now if you don't mind, I have a major gaming event to cover!
BEFORE NINTENDO'S CONFERENCE ...
THE NINTENDO PREDICTION HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 8:55 AM ]
Something casual.
Kid Icarus will show up.
A new Metal Gear?
WHAT NINTENDO WILL REALLY DELIVER
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 9:00 AM ]
A lot of gloating.
Stuff about girl gamers.
Annoying montage.
NINTENDO PRESS CONFERENCE
THE "NEW" SUPER MARIO BROS. WII HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 9:10 AM ]
We know that it's new.
You don't have to tell us that.
Just call it part 4!
THE WII FIT PLUS HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 9:15 AM ]
Back to casual.
It was fun while it lasted.
Oy vey, Nintendo.
THE NINTENDO E3 MONTAGE VIDEO HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 9:20 AM ]
People having fun.
Certainly more fun than me.
They must be actors.
THE WII MOTION PLUS HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 9:25 AM ]
We've seen this before.
Does what the Wii should have done.
Announce something new!
FINAL FANTASY CRYSTAL CHRONICLES HAIKU
[ Company: Square Enix - Time: 9:35 AM ]
The Crystal Bearers?
Is that to best you can do?
I'll wait for "XIII"!
THE GOLDEN SUN DS HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 9:40 AM ]
It's about damn time.
I loved the GBA games.
But where's the gameplay?
THE COP: THE RECRUIT HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 9:45 AM ]
Is this GTA?
Nope, just more GTA clones.
But with a good guy.
THE NINTENDO DSi HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 9:45 AM ]
Hey, people like it.
At least the montage people.
That means something, right?
THE WARIO WARE DIY HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 9:50 AM ]
We make the level?
Isn't that why we pay you?
Lazy programmers!
THE ZELDA SPIRIT TRACKS HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 9:50 AM ]
It's all about trains.
Conductor Link and his pals.
Yeah, it's for babies.
THE WII VITALITY SENSOR HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 10:00 AM ]
Wait ... is it April?
This thing has to be a joke.
You mean it's real?
THE MARIO GALAXY 2 HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 10:05 AM ]
It's more Mario.
It's from the cutting room floor.
Now with more Yoshi!
THE METROID: OTHER M HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 10:15 AM ]
Third-person Metroid?
Same characters, new graphics.
Now from Team Ninja.
SONY PRESS CONFERENCE
THE PLAYSTATION 2 HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 11:20 AM ]
Still hanging in there.
Even without the software.
What does that tell you?
THE UNCHARTED 2 HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 11:25 AM ]
I can do all that.
Well, except climbing buildings.
But if I had to ...
THE MAG HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 11:30 AM ]
I still hate the name.
Still, I did love their SOCOM.
Maybe too massive?
THE PSP GO! HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 11:35 AM ]
It won't use those discs.
And it doesn't have two sticks.
Then what is the point?
THE CONFLICTING PSP MESSAGE HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 11:40 AM ]
Both disc and download?
But what about Patapon?
That's download only!
THE GRAN TURISMO PSP HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 11:45 AM ]
How long has it been?
This was announced years ago.
2012 release.
THE METAL GEAR SOLID PSP HAIKU
[ Company: Konami - Time: 11:55 AM ]
It's Peace Walker time!
I bet it won't be peaceful.
It's still not part 5!
THE RESIDENT EVIL PORTABLE HAIKU
[ Company: Capcom - Time: 12:00 PM ]
Now here's a surprise.
I thought Capcom's game was dead.
Slight pun intended.
THE FINAL FANTASY VII PSN HAIKU
[ Company: Square Enix - Time: 12:05 PM ]
It's the same old game.
No really, it's the same game.
It's not a remake.
THE TIGER WOODS PGA HAIKU
[ Company: EA - Time: 12:15 PM ]
I love Tiger Woods.
But they show the same trailer.
Each and every year!
THE ROCKSTAR GAMES' AGENT HAIKU
[ Company: Rockstar Games - Time: 12:15 PM ]
Exclusive ... for now.
Can't you show us some footage?
Bah, you're a damn tease!
THE ASSASSIN'S CREED 2 (REDUX) HAIKU
[ Company: UbiSoft - Time: 12:20 PM ]
A cooler setting.
And a cool flying machine.
Maybe it won't suck.
THE FINAL FANTASY XIV HAIKU
[ Company: Square Enix - Time: 12:25 PM ]
Wait ... FF 14??
Two "Fantasy's" in one year?
Um, how does that work?
THE FINAL FANTASY XIV (REDUX) HAIKU
[ Company: Square Enix - Time: 12:30 PM ]
Ah, an online game.
It's FF XI-2!
I expected more.
THE EYE TOY HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 12:35 PM ]
Glowing controller.
It's kind of disastrous.
Doesn't look like fun.
THE EYE TOY TECH DEMO HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 12:40 PM ]
Actually impressed.
I know, that stuns even me.
It's still a gimmick.
THE MOD NATION RACERS HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 12:45 PM ]
A brand new IP.
An expanding racing game?
Where do I sign up?
THE LAST GUARDIAN HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 12:55 PM ]
Once Project Trico.
Now with a generic name.
Oh ... and a big dog!
THE GOD OF WAR 3 HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 1:00 PM ]
It looks like rubbish.
Disappointment all around!
Of course I'm kidding.
THE CLOSING OF THE SONY CONFERENCE HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 1:10 PM ]
There was no price cut.
And no talk of a slim line.
Hey, I told you so!
E3 SHOW FLOOR - DAY 1
THE KRATOS IN SOUL CALIBUR PSP HAIKU
[ Company: Namco Bandai - Time: 3:45 PM ]
Kratos fits in well.
You're cooler than Darth Vader.
But maybe not Link.
THE PERFECT DARK ON XBLA HAIKU
[ Company: Namco Bandai - Time: 3:55 PM ]
You aren't a surprise.
Though nobody announced you.
What took so damn long?
THE ZELDA IN 2010 HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 8:55 PM ]
Along with Metroid.
And that goes for Mario.
What's coming this year?
THE PERFECT DARK XBLA HAIKU
[ Company: Rare - Time: 9:15 PM ]
One of Rare's best games.
Much better than the prequel.
Now bring on Blast Corps.
*Check back tomorrow for even more haikus!
