For the past eight years, Defunct Games has been there showing you the good, bad and ridiculous happenings at the Electronic Entertainment Expo in Los Angeles, California. E3 2009 is no exception, only this time around we're not going to bother you with pointless previews and hands-on articles. This year we've decided to give gamers what they want ... POETRY! Over the next five days I am going to update this page with haikus about all of the newest games and announcements. Best of all, I am going to be posting new updates all throughout the day and night, so come back for more new haikus and personal thoughts. Now if you don't mind, I have a major gaming event to cover!
E3 SHOW FLOOR - DAY 2
THE LEGO ROCK BAND HAIKU
[ Company: Harmonix - Time: 5:55 PM ]
It's Rock Band ... for kids.
LEGO gets them hooked early.
It's a gateway drug.
THE KOJIMA CASTLEVANIA PROJECT HAIKU
[ Company: Konami - Time: 6:05 PM ]
Snake, Snake are you there?
Time to kill some vampires!
Alucard needs help!
THE BRUTAL LEGENDS HAIKU
[ Company: Electronic Arts - Time: 6:15 PM ]
Now with Lita Ford.
Y'know from 'Surreal Life'.
She'll fit in just fine.
THE BOOTH BABE HAIKU
[ Company: All - Time: 6:20 PM ]
Girls in tight clothing.
They don't know much about games.
But they have big breasts.
RATCHET & CLANK FUTURE: A CRACK IN TIME HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 6:25 PM ]
I think I get it.
You mean "crack" like a butt crack?
Not very clever.
THE DANTE'S INFERNO HAIKU
[ Company: Electronic Arts - Time: 6:35 PM ]
Protesters outside.
Hired by Electronic Arts.
Those cheeky bastards!
THE KINGDOM HEARTS 358/2 HAIKU
[ Company: Square Enix - Time: 6:40 PM ]
I really hate math.
Minus this and divide that.
It all equals = LAME!
THE NEW WOLFENSTEIN HAIKU
[ Company: Activision - Time: 6:45 PM ]
Hey Nazi zombies.
You really aren't that scary.
Gross, but not scary!
THE BEATLES: ROCK BAND HAIKU 2
[ Company: Harmonix - Time: 7:15 PM ]
Just 45 songs?
And you can't export the songs?
I feel wounded.
THE STEVE WIEBE HAIKU
[ Company: Harmonix - Time: 7:35 PM ]
You couldn't do it.
You let evil win the day.
The record still stands.
THE LITTLE BIG PLANET PSP HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 7:40 PM ]
Now you're much smaller.
So you name doesn't make sense.
Little Small Planet?
THE E3 COMMERCE HAIKU
[ Company: LACC - Time: 7:55 PM ]
Three dollar water?
And brand new E3 clothing?
Yup, E3 is back!
THE METAL GEAR ARCADE HAIKU
[ Company: Konami - Time: 8:25 PM ]
Wait ... MORE Metal Gear?
Can't you give me some Snatcher?
Or maybe Boktai?
THE HEAVY RAIN HAIKU
[ Company: Sony - Time: 8:35 PM ]
Unconventional.
The best way to explain it.
Like playing a film.
THE HEAVY RAIN HAIKU 2
[ Company: Sony - Time: 8:40 PM ]
Like quick time events?
It's a whole game based on them.
Well, that and rain clouds.
THE LEFT 4 DEAD 2 HAIKU 2
[ Company: Valve - Time: 9:15 PM ]
Please add more numbers.
Maybe a 5 or a 6.
How about fractions?
THE METAL GEAR SOLID RISING HAIKU 2
[ Company: Valve - Time: 9:45 PM ]
Only one Xbox?
A Metal Gear exclusive!
Think again fanboys.
THE NEW SUPER MARIO BROS. WII HAIKU 2
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 9:55 PM ]
Hey ... that's not 4D!
Time travelling Mario?
That sounds WAY better!
THE NEW DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION HAIKU
[ Company: Konami - Time: 10:10 PM ]
It now has eight pads.
For people that mastered four.
You can count me out.
THE WII FIT PLUS HAIKU 2
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 10:55 PM ]
So you think you're fat.
Well guess what, so does Wii Fit.
Just buy it, fatso!
THE FINAL FANTASY XIV ONLINE HAIKU 3
[ Company: Square Enix - Time: 11:05 PM ]
Is it exclusive?
They say it is, but, you know.
On Xbox shortly.
THE SAMURAI SHODOWN 3D HAIKU
[ Company: SNK Playmore - Time: 11:10 PM ]
I want to love you.
But you've sucked for many years.
Go 2D or bust!
THE WII MUSIC HAIKU
[ Company: Nintendo - Time: 11:20 PM ]
No Wii Music Plus?
Bah, you weren't even mentioned!
I guess that's a sign.
THE SAW (THE GAME) HAIKU
[ Company: Konami - Time: 11:25 PM ]
Sure it has Jigsaw.
And a lot of gory traps.
It's not Silent Hill?
THE KONAMI E3 BOOTH HAIKU
[ Company: Konami - Time: 11:30 PM ]
You have Silent Hill.
And it's next to Ant Nation?
Nothing wrong with that!
THE ONLIVE AT E3 HAIKU
[ Company: OnLive - Time: 11:40 PM ]
What a non-story.
Broadband limits did you in.
Go ask the Phantom!
THE ALAN WAKE HAIKU 2
[ Company: Microsoft - Time: 11:45 PM ]
Alan, use the light.
I told you to use the light.
Don't argue with me!
THE ALAN WAKE HAIKU 3
[ Company: Microsoft - Time: 11:50 PM ]
Should have used the light.
Listen to the wall next time.
That way you won't die.
*That's it for Day 3, check back tomorrow for even more haikus!
