You just had an extremely quiet birth for Tom Cruise, you sat horrified at what Hollywood did to Silent Hill and you've sat in your room all weekend pondering the Nintendo Wii! Boy, it sounds like you barely got out of April 2006 alive! It was a month that brought Katie Couric a new job, Eminem another divorce, and the Star Spangled Banner ... in Spanish! But don't think that just because you're the new Press Secretary, Tony Snow, that you're going to forget about April, this is Defunct Games RECAPPED!! and we're about to give show you everything you loved, everything you hated, and a few things you might have missed. So you can quit screaming at the United 93 trailers and sit your butt down for a list of the best (and worst) articles of the month. Join us as we not only celebrate the fifth birthday of Defunct Games but Cyril's birthday as well. It's Defunct Games RECAPPED!! for April 2006!
Why This Article?
There were so many quality articles in April that when it came time to crown the best of the best it took quite awhile. April saw a number of large articles, including a few birthday-related features that many would probably put above your average episode of the Commercial Break. But this twentieth Commercial Break is not just your average episode; it's a show that offers some of our best jokes and some of the worst advertising. Bad Advertising and DynaGirl may look like your normal Commercial Break, but under those skin-tight spandex pajamas is a super hero of bad advertising. Isn't it about time you discovered what's hiding behind Bad Advertising and DynaGirl?
So how does this regular episode of the Commercial Break outdo our 100th Feud or our big April Fools joke? I have just one word for you: ThunderFox. Actually, that's two words ... but I suppose they are thrust together tighter than the naked sweaty men on the advertisement. Either way, Defunct Games is proud to be one of the only websites to debunk ThunderFox and every game like it. And while we were at it we gave the business to Thor Aacherlund, the Nintendo World Champion. And that's not it, we also debuted our first TurboGrafx-16 commercial, as well as another bad Neo Geo spot. But at the end of the day this episode is number one because of ThunderFox and a certain three word phrase that got a lot of people talking. This may be just another episode of the Commercial Break, but it's thanks to these four brilliant (and terrible) adverts that we feel this was the best show of April 2006!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Generally I get a few emails about each article. Most of the time it's just to ask questions and respond to my opinions, but every so often I get emails from people who write simply because they liked an article (or a line in an article). The way I knew Bad Advertising and DynaGirl was popular is when I started to get emails with nothing more than "shirtless steroid queens" as the subject. Apparently people really connected to my description of ThunderFox (as well as the rest of the adverts in this twentieth episode), so why not honor it as our best article of the month? If anything this episode proves why I love writing these Commercial Breaks, they are fun to read and enjoyed by everybody ... well, everybody except the shirtless steroid queens."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you our 100th On Running Feud, a very special five-page recap of every episode every written. In case you haven't been paying attention, that's five years of Feuds we recapped and reviewed. See what your favorite Feud received when we give each and every article a letter grade, and don't look now you might just get a dose of behind-the-scenes information. 100 Feuds Later is a simple article on a simple mission, it just wants you to acknowledge the five years of work that went into making this show so respected. Regardless of whether it's because it's our fifth year birthday or the fact that this is our 100th Feud, this is one article you need to pay attention to. And that is why 100 Feuds Later is our second favorite article of April 2006!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Although this 100th episode of the On Running Feuds had been scheduled months ahead of time I ended up not writing it until the weekend before the article was due. This meant that I had to write 100 descriptions and literally thousands of words in only a matter of hours, for those 48 hours my life was a living Hell! Looking back on it I probably should have tackled it a little at a time, but instead I waited until the last minute (which might explain why this lengthy article is at number 2 and not number 1). It was fun going back and talking about some of the early Feuds; it's kind of strange realizing that I was doing this five years ago. That's an eternity in Internet terms. I can only wonder what I'll think five years from now, hopefully I won't be too embarrassed."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Defunct Games has been around for five years and THIS is the first time we've discussed the Super Scope?? How is that even possible? It's
odd but true, the Super Scope 6 Blues is the first time Defunct Games has addressed Nintendo's light gun. But maybe there's a reason the site forgot about it? This article certainly makes a convincing argument against remembering the Super Scope, what with its limited game play and HUGE (and silly) look. Defunct Games is proud to present an article that gives the Super Scope its place in history, along with the U-Force, Rock N Roller, and Power Pad. For the single fact that it has taken us this long to address the Super Scope (and it's "six" games) we feel it deserves to be in the running for the best article of April!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Despite saying that we were going to do more of these I've Got Your Number episodes this was actually the first since January. After talking about five-player games some wondered where we would go, the higher these numbers get the harder it will be to nurture new ideas. Thankfully this wasn't the problem with our "sixth" article (actually, it's our seventh, but Zero IS a number), I just decided to make it all about something I hate: the Super Scope 6. Judging by some of the mail I got there are a few people out there that really loved this accessory, but I still say that it's completely pointless and one of Nintendo's worst ideas. And it's not just me, it's my article that says that. Okay, so I guess it is just me, but it's still worth reading if for no other reason than to hear me justify hating Nintendo's stupid bazooka device. Seriously, how can anybody like this beast?"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
With a name like Perfect Dark on the PS2? you know it's going to be tough sailing for EGM's gossip guru. I give you our seventh episode of They Said WHAT?!?, the show that debunks Quartermann's constant rumors. How does Q make out this issue? Not very well, and that's one of the reasons you can find this show close to the top of the heap this month. Join Cyril as he uncovers the truth behind all of the rumors being thrown by Electronic Gaming Monthly. This is an issue that looks at some of the best games and biggest rumors, and almost always manages to get them wrong. Quartermann is especially bad this month, and that's one of the reasons we find Perfect Dark on the PS2? on at the fourth spot on this countdown!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"I don't know about anybody else, but I find it entertaining going back through old issues of Electronic Gaming Monthly to see what news, rumors, and reviews they had. We've already established that most of what comes out of Quartermann's mouth is utter B.S., but this is one of those few issues where EVERYTHING he says seems to be wrong. Straight down the middle, he was wrong about Sonic Adventure, wrong about Perfect Dark Zero, wrong about Virtua Fighter, wrong about Grand Theft Auto, I mean, was he right about anything? Well, I guess he was right about Doom 3 ... but who is going to listen to a guy who would rather wait for the game to come out on a console? Not only does the Q-Mann prove that he's pulling this stuff out of thin air, but he also shows the world that he's a big loser! And for what it's worth, I mean that in the nicest possible way."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
For the return of The Freeze Frame we decided to pull out all of the stops! We knew you wouldn't be satisfied with pictures and text, that's why Defunct Games brought you an Audio Freeze Frame, an article that allows you to hear what's wrong (and not just see it). It's not often we get to make fun of Murphy Brown and Mario in the same article, but Murphy Chooses the Wrong Mario is just one of those rare times when you have the best of both worlds. Listen to the sounds of this Audio Freeze Frame, our fifth favorite article of the month!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"I've been wanting to do another episode of The Freeze Frame for months now, but there just hasn't been a lot of ammunition lately. Thankfully Murphy Brown gave me a chance to not only revive the Freeze Frame but introduce a whole new element ... audio. While this is not the first time we've featured audio, it is one of the few articles to use it recently. With the help of my audio equipment proving my point couldn't be easier, and ultimately proved to be pretty entertaining. I'm hoping to continue the tradition of including audio the Freeze Frame, perhaps at some point upgrading to video (and then holograms). "
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Usually we only allow five articles to be on this best-of list, but since it's our birthday we figured that it would
be okay to add one more article to the mix. This article, Patriotic Gamer, is really more of a runner up, it's our silly April Fools joke this year. Some took it serious others didn't know what to think, but regardless of where you came down on Patriotic Gamer there was one thing for sure - it was extremely long! Not only are there five full length articles in this April Fools joke, but you can read a lengthy (and fake) account of my adventures meeting Rupert Murdoch! It's a tad unorthodox to feature six articles, but we feel that Patriotic Gamer is a strong enough feature to be mentioned on this list!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"We had the idea of this April Fools joke all the way back in 2005, I knew I had to do something big and shocking and figured that it was about time we did something patriotic. The truth is, I'm constantly getting emails from people who question my politics and I figured that it was about time to switch things up. My problem was that April Fools wound up being on a weekend this year, which meant we had to cancel the reviews and leave this Patriotic Gamer faux-site up all weekend long. Believe it or not I got quite a few emails from people looking to sign up to the website, despite the fact that all of the comments were obviously fake (just look at the names people). The best part was that I was able to write a whole story about meeting Rupert Murdoch, complete with inside jokes and pop culture references. I better start thinking now about how to top it next year!"
-Cyril Lachel
