You've just given birth to a little baby girl in Namibia, you got arrested for smuggling Viagra into the country, and you were there when Superman Returned. It sounds like you just barely survived June 2006! It was a month that brought us word of more Futurama, the Nintendo DS Lite, and a Paris Hilton CD! But just because everybody thinks you hate the 9/11 widows, Ann Coulter, doesn't mean you can't stop reliving all the things you loved, the stuff you hated, and all the stuff you can't live without. I give you RECAPPED for June 2006! So hang in there Star Jones, just because you were fired and Barbara Walters hates you it doesn't mean you can't remember all of the good times! Defunct Games is here to help you look back and see the forest for the trees. So join us as we take a journey through one of the biggest months of the year so far this year. A month that just doesn't want to end!
Why This Article?
Why This Article?
Due to Editor Cyril's mystery illness there was slim pickings this month; we had five slots to fill and only five articles to fill them. But just because we only had five shows run in the month of June doesn't mean this Recapped is going to suck (it's going to suck, but for entirely different reasons). The Defunct Games staff feels that there was more than enough content on the site last month to take up an entire page talking about it and ranking it. And this article, And That's Why CNN Hates Us, is the cream of the crop ... as far as we're concerned.
Every so often Defunct Games tries to provide an article that is informative rather than funny. So many of our features are based on the getting you to laugh, so it's always nice to drop off a few serious articles that may help you better understand this complicated (and not very fair) industry. And That's Why CNN Hates Us doesn't address our industry, per se, but rather how the mainstream media looks at us. And better yet, it talks about what we can do about it. And for that reason (including the fact that we only have five articles to choose from), this On Running Feud is considered the single best feature of June 2006!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"I try to do good with Defunct Games. Sure, I want to make you laugh and have a good time, too. But at the end of the day I want you to learn something, even if we're doing some fluff piece about Alien Alright. With this article I really feel like I've taught the readers something valuable, the way to look at the mainstream media that won't make you go crazy and want to kill everybody with a pitchfork. I'm sure I'm not the only person that has drawn the lines together to show you how the media works, but maybe by spreading the word we can all come at this thing without thinking that they're just out to get us. CNN isn't out to get us, they just don't understand us. Eventually this won't be an issue, but while we wait for that time to come we might as well be equipped with the right information about how to count their lies. I have a hunch this is one theme we'll be coming back to time and time again!"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Defunct Games has never been one of those sites to review "new" games. We occasionally talk about new games (and systems), but we've always shied away from writing up big long reviews about the newest Grand Theft Auto or Halo. Instead we focus our reviews on the consoles that get no attention (Saturn, Jaguar, CD-i, etc.), we feel that it gives our site a unique flavor that you just can't get on GameSpot or IGN. But since E3 games have started to pile up and the PR departments at these companies are getting antsy for us to do something with them ... so we've gone ahead and created a new episode of Radio Free Gaming to look them over. In this 30 minute long podcast Cyril Lachel and guest critic Robert Shea look at some of the biggest games of the spring, including Rockstar's Table Tennis, New Super Mario Bros., and even the Da Vinci Code. Listen as we argue and debate over whether Uno deserves a "Pass" or a "Play." No really, it's a lot more exciting than it sounds and that's why we consider it to be our second best article of June!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Although this was my fourth audio podcast this ended up feeling like my first in a lot of ways. This wasn't just me and a couple friends performing from a script, this actually involved me debating and delivering my points. For the most part I feel like we accomplished our quest, but as I listen to it I hear things that could be better (and things that WILL be better if and when we decide to do another one of these episodes). One thing I've noticed is that I seem to get extremely ill after each and every one of the podcasts ... which certainly makes me question doing any more of these audio specials. But don't worry, just because I'm a little spooked by the way my body reacts to the MP3 podcasts doesn't mean I'm going to end them now. Expect another episode of Radio Free Gaming in the near future, one that has nothing to do with reviewing games or anything else we've already covered. I have a lot of fun making these episodes, hopefully you (the audience) has just as much fun listening to them."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
In our 24th episode of Commercial Break we have decided to look at advertisements that insult your intelligence ... as well as a few that are just plain insulting. Most of the commercials in this installment have something to do with women, or more specifically, your inability to get with them. We have robot women, fantasy women, and women that refuse to shower. But don't worry, we also have plenty of stupid boys, including one that is going to kick your ass but not show you how. If you came to Defunct Games looking for the funny this June chances are this was the article you found, since it's really one of the few that offers any kind of humor. If it weren't for the MP3 podcast and an informative article about what we can do to take back our industry, this Commercial Break would have probably ranked higher. But as it is, it is still the third best article of June 2006!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Of all the Commercial Break episodes it's this one that seems to have confused the readers. Talk Sex with Bad Advertising?? What the heck does that mean? Since every episode is based on some TV reference (either a TV episode name or an actual TV show name) we thought it would be fun to expand our reach by including Canadian sex expert (sexpert??) Sue Johansson, an older woman that seems to have taken over where Dr. Ruth left off. Talk Sex is a guilty pleasure around the offices of Defunct Games, and while nobody else knows what I'm talking about, I felt like it was relevant enough to use it in the name. It also seemed appropriate, since most of the adverts in this episode have something to do with women as sex objects. Or maybe we're just running out of show names. Nah, we'll run out of bad advertisements long before we run out of bad TV puns!"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Because we're running low on articles! This Cover Critic isn't bad, it's the second episode with the brand new look, but if this were any other month we would probably be celebrating this in the "Honorable Mention" section of the page. Its Stupid Sports and the Cover Critic, aptly named for the fact that we review not only an Xbox bowling game, but also a drag racing simulator. A drag racing simulator!! I'll let that sink into your head for a moment. Forget fishing, forget surfing, and forget NASCAR ... a drag racing sim has got to be the single lamest idea for a sports game. Where are all of the competitive eating games? All I know is that the drag racing game helped make this the fourth best article of June!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"You can learn a lot about me from these episodes of The Cover Critic. For example, from reading this episode you will have a firm grasp on what I think of NASCAR, drag racing, and bowling video games. Of course, I really have nothing against these sports ... even though they do not appeal to me personally. I'm sure there are more than a few drag racing fans that are now inbred, but none of them emailed me in defense of their sport. Instead I got a lot of people who had a hard time even spelling "drag racing", let alone making a point. Half of the mail I received felt more like it was making fun of drag racing fans, in the same way that Stephen Colbert makes fun of conservatives and TV pundits. Just imagine how much hell I would get if I went after beer drinking and horse shoes!"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
That's a really good question. I mean, this is nothing more than a Pop-Up Video Game ... the type of thing we post when we have nothing else to give you. Whenever you see a Pop-Up Video Game episode you should know that something's wrong, either somebody is sick or there just wasn't enough time to produce a brand new show. So why a Pop-Up? Simple, it's because we only had five articles and if we were going to have a list we had to include all of them. Even this quicky Pop-Up. That's how it works, folks, now you know how a hot dog is made!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Oh, you really want me to talk about this episode of Pop-Up Video Games?? Well ... this episode has the honor of being the very last show featured in June. Unfortunately this has more to do with the fact that after this day I was in severe pain. The type of pain that keeps you from sitting at the computer desk, checking the email, and even talking on the phone. From here on out I was a hurtin' unit, I felt absolutely terrible and just wasn't able to produce anything due to this pain. I was actually in pain before this, but not enough to keep me from giving you one more Pop-Up. After this Monday I found myself completely disconnected with not only Defunct Games, but the entire world. While I do feel a lot better now, this one article will always remind me of the severe pain I was in trying to get you something to read or do. Hope you enjoy it ... I certainly didn't have a good time making it!"
-Cyril Lachel
