You finally had a chance to watch Vanilla Ice rap again, you're blowing your way through Crackdown as you wait for Halo 3, and Sony abandoned their pledge to backwards compatibility. It sounds like you've been enjoying February 2007 just a little too much! It's a month that brought us the passing of Anna Nicole Smith, Xbox Live gamer point's rewards and another Ratchet & Clank game with a double entendre! But there's no reason for you to shave off all of your hair, Britney Spears, the month may be over but the fun is just getting started! This is Defunct Games RECAPPED!!, your monthly guide to the best and worst of the last 28 days. This is all the stuff you missed, all the stuff you forgot about and all the stuff you can't wait to see again! So who cares if you've been out partying because you finally won a best director Oscar, Martin Scorsese, it doesn't mean you have to miss a single review or article. Just sober up, pick your next film project and then read (and watch) all of the best articles featured on the pages of Defunct Games!
Why This Article?
Is it possible that the best article of February is a four minute long video? You bet it is, especially when it's Speed Run: Everybody Votes Channel! This is Defunct Games' first (and probably last) speed run, and we're doing it in style. Forget the After Thoughts or any of the other videos we produce, this Speed Run should be the first thing you check out on Defunct Games this month! It's full of great music, silly questions and plenty of speedy game play. And best of all, I didn't lose a single life while speeding through the Everybody Votes Channel.
Defunct Games is proud to present our very first official speed run, a quick take on Nintendo's newest Wii enhancement: Everybody Votes Channel! See the Defunct Games staff rush through all of the questions in the fastest possible time and see if you can beat them at their own game. It may look simple, but that's because we're professionals. Get ready to be glued to your computer monitor as you see us do the impossible, beat the Everybody Votes Channel in less than three minutes. Isn't it about time you saw what was not only the most popular article of February, but also the most original? Aren't you even a little curious to see what all the fuss is about? I know you have four minutes to waste, so why not check out our first official Speed Run? If you do we promise that we'll never bug you about it again! Just click the link and see what makes Speed Run: Everybody Votes Channel the best article of February 2007!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Maybe it's just me, but it just feels wrong talking too much about a four minute long video. By the time you've read this description and my post-article thoughts you could be almost done watching this micro-masterpiece. With longer articles and videos (and podcasts) on the site it may seem odd that the Everybody Votes Channel speed run is the best, but it has a lot to do with the comments from the Defunct Games readers. Not only was this one of the most viewed articles on the site in February, but I also received more email about this than anything else. Apparently a lot of people thought that they could have done the same thing, only they didn't have the idea first. But that's what makes Defunct Games the wonderful little site it is. We aren't afraid to look foolish and try things before everybody else, and this speed run is a perfect example. It's also worth mentioning that these videos (as well as the podcasts) allow me to mix in some of my favorite music. In this case I was able to give Sonic Youth's Chapel Hill some love. You just don't see Sonic Youth in enough modern game videos, and I think it's about time we fix that!"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
If there's one thing you can expect from Defunct Games, it's your daily dose of episodes from The Cover Critic and Commercial Break. If you're a fan of these shows then you were in luck, because February brought us two episodes of The Cover Critic, including this episode called The Cover Critic Rides Again. In every episode we claim to have the worst box
art of all time, but when it comes to this 63rd issue I'm afraid we've met our match. The artwork featured in this episode is so atrocious that we may have a hard time topping it. But that's a challenge we look forward to tackling, because even if it's only downhill from here on out we know that the box art featured in The Cover Critic Rides Again is worse than anything you will ever see again. In this episode we expose the irony of the Cowboy Kid, the animal abuse that is Krazy Kreatures, the bizarre fashion sense of the Street Warriors and the finality of Final Zone II. Oh, and we've saved the best for last, just wait until you take a look at Karnaaj Rally, it's enough to make a grown man cry! And really, if an article can make a grown man cry then perhaps it deserves to be the penultimate show of February 2007!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"After a disappointing 62nd episode of The Cover Critic, it felt like the clouds opened up and five of the absolute worst covers fell from the sky. I won't kid you, in all the years I have been writing The Cover Critic (and it's going on six years now) I have never seen a batch of covers this bad, that Karnaaj Rally cover alone is enough to make you never want to buy a game again. As far as I'm concerned it is my lot in life to interview the person who came up with that terrible, terrible cover. I don't want to interview David Jaffe and I'm fine letting everybody else interview Ed Boon, the guy responsible for Karnaaj Rally is mine! Buddy, if you read Defunct Games and designed the box art to Karnaaj Rally, we need to talk. Get a hold of me as fast as possible, I'm here to make you a superstar!"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
When it comes to Radio Free Gaming (Defunct Games' own audio podcast) you should always expect the unexpected. You will never know what you're going to get next. You might get some sort of strange fake call in show, or maybe you'll have to sit through a radio play featuring famous TurboGrafx-16 voice acting. Or maybe it will be like Somebody Else's Podcast! Vol. 1, a show where we take the best (and worst) parts of everybody else's podcasts and make fun of them. In this 30 minute episode we make our way through the upcoming Castlevania: Dracula X Collection, we listen to Next
Generation make fun of one of their callers, and we listen to a debate over the Nintendo Wii and Staples. No, I'm not joking. And if that wasn't enough, we wrap everything up with the most insane Halo 3 commentary of all time. Why listen to everybody else's podcast when you can listen to Radio Free Gaming, we're here to make sure you never miss any of the greatest moments from GameSpot, 1up, IGN and a million other video game podcasts. And we think this little experiment was a success, and that's why we say it's the third best article of the month!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Based on the success of After Thoughts we wanted to see if lightning could strike twice. There's just something about taking the best (or worst, however you want to classify it) elements from everybody else's podcasts that just intrigues me. If you've seen shows like Talk Soup or The Soup (no relation?) then you'll feel right at home with not only this newest audio podcast but also the newest episode of After Thoughts. Think this kind of show won't get us anywhere? Tell that to Oscar nominee Greg Kinnear! Somebody Else's Podcast! Vol. 1 surprised even me, I never thought it would turn out as good as it did. And you would be surprised how many people have emailed me asking if that was really me singing and playing the guitar. Well, it was, and there's more where that comes from. These days I have been spending a lot of time recreating campy 1980s songs as acoustic folk tunes. Perhaps one day I'll give all of my readers a chance to download the full album. You never know."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Every month Defunct Games sifts through hours of video game footage created by other websites in hopes of discovering the worst moments caught on tape. We're talking about the awkward moments at a launch party, people having a hard time playing games in front of other people, and the ridiculous comments that come from industry vets being interviewed. We edit these embarrassing moments down to create After Thoughts, the show that reruns all of the clips you were too busy to see the first time around. After Thoughts: Crackdown is our fifth episode, and we feel that it's one of our best. It combines everybody's love of superheroes with some of the most pathetic content ever broadcast on the internet. In this
episode we get a Valentine's Day gift from some "Rabbids", we learn how to set up an Atari 5200, we discover a little more about Total Recall then we ever wanted to know, we listen to IGN talk to their retarded friends and yes, we even have a chance to go back to high school with Brooktown High Senior Year, and trust me, that's not even close to being the end of our fun. Have we piqued your interests? I hope so, because After Thoughts: Crackdown is one of our favorite articles of February 2007 for a reason!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Regardless of whether or not these episodes are fun to watch, I have a great time putting them together. The problem is that as GameSpot, IGN and 1up put more video content up the less cheesy it is. Life would be easier if all of the sites out there made low budget videos that are easier to laugh at, but now I actually have to dig deep to find the worst clips. Thankfully there are still some bizarre and cheesy videos out there, and we've compiled a few of them in this superhero inspired episode of Crackdown. And you have to admit, this is probably the first time you've seen something about Crackdown that hasn't dealt with the Halo 3 beta! If I had to give you one reason to watch this episode of After Thoughts it would be for the strange Brooktown High Senior Year interview, there's just something about the outfits and the cheerleaders that makes me laugh. If only more industry interviews were like this! It won't surprise you that with each passing episode of After Thoughts I am getting more and more feedback, so I'm just going to keep producing these videos until all of those other sites stop making videos that are easy to make fun of. Sounds like I'm going to be employed forever!"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Are you confused by all of the Alien-inspired games coming out from Sega? First they announce two new games based on the long running Alien movie franchise, and then only a few hours later they confused everybody by announcing the completely unrelated Alien Syndrome remake. With all of these similar sounding names I suppose you can't blame people for being a little unsure on which is
which, but that shouldn't stop IGN from getting their facts straight. In this On Running Feud we discover that IGN has decided that the Alien Syndrome sequel must be part of the Alien movie franchise, even though nothing could be further from the truth. Maybe it's our mistake for expecting more from our major video game media websites, but we have certainly learned our lesson on this one. Needless to say, this is a convoluted story that is worth reading about, and that is why No Face Huggers In This Alien Syndrome is our fifth favorite article of the month!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"It's funny how much an article can change while you write it. When I first started to write about IGN's Alien Syndrome confusion I was only going to point out that they messed up and complain that they should have spent more time fact checking their articles/artwork. But then half way through my draft I realized that IGN had actually changed their Alien Syndrome banner, prompting me to go back and change some of my information. This ended up leading to a much more interesting article in my opinion, and it was great to be able to have a before and after picture proving my point. The one thing I wish I had done while writing that article was check out GameSpy, because they made the exact same mistake with similar (and equally wrong) art. Later on I did write about it in a Defunct Games News post, but it's not the same as having it in the full article. But I'm not too sad about this because as far as I'm concerned IGN doing it is bad enough ... and really, who goes to GameSpy for news?"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Defunct Games isn't just about criticizing the video game industry, from time to time we actually like to help the people that make things happen. That's why we decided to take a look at some of the genres that are woefully under represented on the Xbox 360. Sure there are a lot of great games, especially if you're a fan of first-person shooters, action games, third-person shooters, and sports games. But where are the quirky Japanese RPGs? Where are the good party games? Where
are the 3D platformers? In The Xbox 360 Deserves Better we take a look at ten different genres, we get to the bottom of their current state and whether or not there is any hope. Will Xbox 360 owners ever have a good movie-based game or Dynasty Warriors clone? Will there ever be a solid video game collection? Will Fuzion Frenzy 2 be the only party game released on the 360? Oh man, it better not be! Regardless of whether you're a game developer, publisher or somebody who just owns the system, The Xbox 360 Deserves Better is a must read. It's easy to see how this two-page special report deserves a spot on our list of the best articles of February 2007!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"There's a problem with writing an article well in advance of its release date, sometimes the information you write about gets changed. This was the case with The Xbox 360 Deserves Better. You see, the article was written and laid out a full week before it went live, which usually isn't a problem. But on the same day I post that "nobody is allowed to show off [Spider-Man 3]," Activision decides to lift the embargo and allow IGN, 1up and GameSpot show the game Spider-Man 3. On the same day!! You've got to be kidding me, it's as if Activision conspired against this article. Well, anyway, I'm going to chock it up to bad timing rather than some grand conspiracy. But it still sucks. Thankfully that little snafu didn't mess up the overall theme of this otherwise entertaining article."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Go ahead, laugh at the silly name and make your juvenile jokes. It's one thing for you, the video game customer, to snicker at what sounds like a ridiculous (and downright sexual) company name. But we have to draw the line when it comes to the supposedly serious video game news publications. If we want video game journalism
to be taken seriously then there are subjects we have to treat with respect, and this Gamecock announcement is a good test case. Unfortunately not everybody passed this test, and in our 124th episode of On Running Feuds we point out those websites that couldn't get past the silly name. I assure you, once you're done reading this article you will agree that Gamecock Is No Laughing Matter! Find out what we're talking about in one of our favorite articles of the month!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"The general consensus from the readers was that I should "lay off" IGN and 1up for making stupid jokes about the name Gamecock. A few people even went as far as to suggest that video game news is supposed to be fun and make you want to read it. While I agree that you can make the news entertaining, I don't feel it's appropriate for serious journalists to go out of their way to turn serious news into a joke. I certainly understand the temptation, but there's something to be said for restraint. I would be just as disappointed if this happened in the movie or music media, but since video game journalism is my beat I knew I had to say something. I commend those media outlets that decided to forgo the stupid joke in order to treat this story with the respect it deserves; at least I know that GameSpot and Next Generation understand that fine line. Hopefully sites like this will continue to pave the way for real video game journalism, not just the "blog" style reporting that 1up and IGN seems to be doing."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
A month without a Commercial Break is a month I don't want to be a part of. In the past we have been criticized for relying too heavily on this extremely popular show, but in February we only managed to go to the Commercial Break well once. In this
exciting episode we decided it was about time to go after Mario, sumo wrestlers, Road Avengers, and some nameless F1 racer from GameTek. No really, it doesn't have a name. GameTek decided to pay the money to advertise something ... we're just not sure what. Is this a bold marketing strategy of one of the biggest commercial blunders of all time? We let you decide when we introduce you to The Trouble With Bad Advertising, this month's best episode of Commercial Break!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Believe it or not I have been receiving non-stop emails from people who want me to know what that mystery F1 game is called. There are actually people that were so moved by the article that they took it upon themselves to actually do some research, and judging by how many people said the same name; I am guessing they got it right. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm not going to say the name. If GameTek wanted people to know the name of their game they would have put it in the advertisement, and I'm not about to help them. While this may not be the best article of the month, The Trouble With Bad Advertising was still a fun article to write. I'm not sure whether or not that comes across, but I feel like there's plenty of terrible adverts in this episode to keep you entertained. Sadly it's not as out and out bad as some of the adverts in the past, but they can't all be winners."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
You know your show is in trouble when the best you can come up with is C + C Music Factory! The Colossal Failure of the Cover Critic is probably the most appropriate name for this episode of The Cover Critic, an episode that pales in comparison to The Cover Critic Rides Again. But then again, everything pales in comparison to Karnaaj Rally, so maybe we shouldn't be so critical. This 62nd episode of The Cover Critic
does have some choice box art though. It's worth reading if only to see how ridiculous the Kids On Site cover is, and that Wonder Boy in Monster World cover is just as stupid as the name. For good measure we also tossed in Burning Fight on the Neo Geo and Fortified Zone for the Game Boy, two covers that make absolutely no sense. While this isn't our best episode of The Cover Critic this time around, it's still something worth checking out if you're a completist!
Post-Article Thoughts:
You know your show is in trouble when the best you can come up with is C + C Music Factory! The Colossal Failure of the Cover Critic is probably the most appropriate name for this episode of The Cover Critic, an episode that pales in comparison to The Cover Critic Rides Again. But then again, everything pales in comparison to Karnaaj Rally, so maybe we shouldn't be so critical. This 62nd episode of The Cover Critic does have some choice box art though. It's worth reading if only to see how ridiculous the Kids On Site cover is, and that Wonder Boy in Monster World cover is just as stupid as the name. For good measure we also tossed in Burning Fight on the Neo Geo and Fortified Zone for the Game Boy, two covers that make absolutely no sense. While this isn't our best episode of The Cover Critic this time around, it's still something worth checking out if you're a completist!
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
This is less an article than a guide to Defunct Games' TurboGrafx-16 reviews. Seeing how popular the TurboGrafx-16 games are on the Nintendo Virtual Console we decided that it might be nice to actually give our readers a chance to see what we had to say about NEC's games on the Wii. At $6 each it's tempting to buy everything
that is released, but don't do it. Be selective, because not every game holds up like it should. This is Your Virtual Console Guide, a section of Defunct Games that is updated every single week with reviews of whatever is posted on the Nintendo Virtual Console. Defunct Games is your one stop guide for every forgotten and defunct, and now we've made your life just a little easier with this bonus feature. Article or no, Your Virtual Console Guide is a perfect example of the lengths we will go to make sure you buy the best games for the TurboGrafx-16!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"From the moment I saw that the Virtual Console was going to offer TurboGrafx-16 games I knew that Defunct Games was going to need to create some sort of simple guide, so it's nice to see that idea come to life ... even if it is a few months late. Either way, it looks like the TurboGrafx-16 games are really starting to take off on the Virtual Console and as a fan of that system I am ecstatic. Since posting this article several weeks ago I have already had to update it three times, but with new games like Chew Man Fu hitting the system I hardly mind. Recently the news broke that the Virtual Console would play host to Neo Geo games, so expect something along the Your Virtual Console Guide for the Neo Geo soon, let's hope they decide to release the best Neo Geo games and not just the Metal Slug games individually."
-Cyril Lachel
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