You just got back from reserving your Xbox 360 Elite, you finally got over mourning the not quite dead yet Sinbad, and you're all excited about the Sony PlayStation Home. It sounds like you just barely survived March 2007! It's a month that brought us a not so shocking announcement regarding Anna Nicole Smith's cause of death, the announcement of Devil May Cry for the Xbox 360, and a whole lot of trouble for Alberto Gonzales. But there's no need to torture us all with your crappy singing, Sanjaya, the month may be over but the fun is just getting started! This is Defunct Games RECAPPED!!, your monthly guide to the best and worst of the last 31 days. This is all the stuff you missed, all the stuff you forgot about and all the stuff you can't wait to see again! So who cares if most people aren't very excited that you're making a long awaited comeback, NiGHTS into Dreams, just pick up your spirit and get ready for the next challenge and then read (and watch) all of the best articles featured on the pages of Defunct Games!
Why This Article?
Don't call this an article, because this is really a set of three different audio podcasts. In the past we've had articles tie for first place, but never before have we featured so many articles at the top of the list. But March was a special month; we were able to bring you three very different, yet very funny episodes of Somebody Else's Podcast, a subset of shows from our Radio Free Gaming audio podcast. Each and every one of these articles was different, and that's why it's so difficult to choose which one we liked the most. So instead of crowding out other articles so that we can offer three spots to Somebody Else's Podcast, we have decided to just mix them all together and tell you to listen to all three of them.
In case you aren't familiar with Somebody Else's Podcast, it is basically the show where we take the craziest moments from all of the other podcasts out there and rip them to pieces. Over the course of the month we managed to spend a lot of time with the Games For Windows crew, be appalled at the Retronaut's lack of Master System knowledge, debunk Denis Dyack, compare Major Nelson with the OXM podcast, watch in horror as the Next Generation podcast came to a screeching halt. And that's just the tip of the iceberg; if you listen to all three of these episodes you will unearth clips from GameSpot, IGN and even The Sonic Show. If it's on somebody else's podcast and it's funny then chances are we've stolen the clip and made fun of it. So sit back, relax and check out all three episodes of Somebody Else's Podcast featured in March 2007! I have a hunch you're going to like what you hear.
Post-Article Thoughts:
"I knew I would ruffle a few feathers when I decided to create Somebody Else's Podcast, the idea of making fun of other people's hard work is foreign when it comes to audio podcasts. Of course, taking clips from other shows/events and making fun of them is nothing new for television shows, just look at the late night talk show circuit or Talk Soup. But for some odd reason podcasts lag behind Greg Kinnear and David Letterman. While most website take our words as jokes and don't dignify them with a response, The Sonic Show actually went as far as to say that I gave them their first review. Their forum members were outraged; they called for my hanging and called me every name in the book. But I was prepared, and that's why I went in head first and responded to each and every person that made fun of me or wanted me dead. I knew they would be offended, but I had no idea how offended. It made me happy that they not only were listening to Radio Free Gaming and caught our inspirational words, but also felt strongly enough about it to want me dead. You know you've done something right when you pull out extreme emotions, and that's one of the reasons I love Somebody Else's Podcast!"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
After 35 episodes of Commercial Break it's hard to believe that there are still bad advertisements worth talking about, yet we're constantly finding new (and old) commercials worth ripping apart. In this Commercial Break episode we attempt to do something different, instead of making fun of four unrelated advertisements we decided to take a look at one advert that is four pages long. Back in the early 1990s NEC thought
it would be a good idea to turn their video game adverts into poorly written/conceived comic books. Their main character was Johnny Turbo, an overweight Kevin Smith wannabe who battled the evil Feka (who had just released their Feka CD system). Regardless of your thoughts on the not-so-subtle subtext of these adverts, we thought they were funny enough to warrant a full episode of the Commercial Break. Join us as we do our best to explain just why Johnny Turbo was a bad idea and how he may have done more harm than good.
Post-Article Thoughts:
"While Defunct Games is hardly the first site to make fun of Johnny Turbo, it just seems like a rite of passage when it comes to making fun of terrible advertisements. I still don't know what NEC/TTI was thinking when they decided to run this weird comic book ad that shows somebody beating people up for buying a different CD system. What is even worse is that they don't get their facts straight, but I suppose that can be said about most advertisements. My favorite part of this entire commercial is how non-subtle the entire Feka thing is, they might as well just come out and said "Sega Sucks," but they didn't have the balls. And that's why Sega ended up moving past the 16-bit battle and TTI didn't. On the other hand, there's just something cool about watching one failed game console make fun of another failed game console, Johnny Turbo doesn't dare go after the Super NES."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
How can you not want to read an article called Friends Don't Let Bears Skateboard? In our first episode of The Freeze Frame since December 2006, Defunct Games has brought back the sexy by using bears to get our point across. Who knew that
a couple of cuddly skateboardin' bears could bring out such harsh emotions in our editors? But that's the brilliance of Friends Don't Let Bears Skateboard, it seems like such a stupid concept for an article but when you really think about it you realize that this is the kind of thing you want to be able to laugh about. Who cares how many other websites talk about the Xbox 360 Elite or that Grand Theft Auto IV trailer, you come to Defunct Games to learn about bears skateboarding. And that is why we feel that this episode of The Freeze Frame is the third best article of March 2007!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"I'll admit it; this article is all over the place. I originally went in with the idea that I'm going to write a few paragraphs about these two covers and how similar they are. But as I made my way through the paragraphs I found that I kept coming up with good ideas, eventually making my way to Stephen Colbert. Some observant Defunct Games fans have pointed out that this is the second episode of The Freeze Frame in a row to feature Stephen Colbert, something that I now realize but was completely unintentional. Whether this article deserves to be placed so high on this list is up to you, but I personally don't think you can do much better than a title like Friends Don't Let Bears Skateboard. Go ahead and try and top that one!"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
What is The Secret? If you believe what Oprah tells you then it's some ancient knowledge that have helped some of the greatest thinkers of our time. But if you're really, really smart, then you already know that it's complete B.S. and ready to be made fun of. The Secret suggests that anything you think about can become yours, you just have to really want it to come true. It's not a prayer and it's not a miracle, rather The Secret seems to think that you are able to just will your way to success. To capitalize on this trend Defunct
Games has decided to run the first preview for The Secret video game for the Xbox 360. But what sets this apart from all of the other previews is that we actually have the first video, including a seven minute long explanation about how it works and what it can do. If you believe this preview for The Secret then this could be the greatest game of all time, too bad this is pure B.S. ... kind of like The Secret book and video. Either way, we feel that because of its video demonstration The Secret Xbox 360 preview deserves to be on this list, maybe even the fourth best article of March 2007!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Sometimes an article idea just hits you. For a week I had been seeing The Secret this and The Secret that. My friends, family and favorite television shows had been talking about it non-stop, and yet I couldn't figure out why. So I decided to do some research and see what this secret was all about, and sure enough I discovered that it's nothing more than a money making venture with top notch production value. Well, Defunct Games is not above making fun of the worst of pop culture, and since nobody else was going to give you a The Secret video game, I figured I might as well too. But I had to do more than just make a box art, I had to do a full imitation of what I saw of The Secret, complete with cheesy Yanni music and a over-the-top self help voice. The whole concept fell into place almost instantly, almost as if The Secret had willed me to do it. All I had to do was think about it and the article wrote itself. Others may disagree, but I personally feel that the video and article text came together to create the type of game preview you just don't see on other websites."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
When it comes to making fun of commercials we're pretty good at ripping apart old one-page adverts (see: Bad Advertising With Johnny Turbo), but we wanted to do something different for a change. Once upon a time we would post old and obscure video game advertisements on Defunct Games, allowing people to finally see those strange commercials they missed from the 1980s and other countries. After a couple of years we stopped uploading these commercials, mostly because we wanted to focus on other projects and other sites were starting to do what we were doing. This month we decided to go back in time and remind ourselves why we liked those commercials so much. But instead of trying to bring back a
downloadable commercial section like we had in the past, we chose to leave that to the big players (like YouTube). What we did was take a dozen of our favorite commercials and turn them into one bizarre show that both made fun of the format and respected these weird adverts. What we came up with is the first volume in The Best Damn Commercial Show Period, a feature we will be bringing back from time to time. Since these commercials are so much fun we figured they deserved some sort of place on our list, and that's why we are deeming them the fifth best article of March!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"For something to be good it doesn't need to take hours to develop. This video presentation took almost no time to make, which is one of the reasons I love it. In fact, it was so easy to put together that I made another one at almost exactly the same time (that one is coming soon). I've received a lot of email from people asking about the music in the show, so instead of just recount all of the boring aspects of putting this together I thought I might spend this post-article time telling you who and what that music was. First up is the theme song, which is on Portishead's self-titled album. Up next is that short guitar part that plays before every commercial, that is Komeda doing More is More (from the album: The Genius of Komeda). And finally there's the song in the end credits, which is The Thermals off of The Body, The Blood, The Machine (the song is Pillar of Salt). All three albums/artists are highly recommended.
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
If we're going to have an episode of Commercial Break then you know we're going to follow it up with The Cover Critic. Over
the past few episodes The Cover Critic has really been on a roll, he's looked at some of the worst covers of all time (including the atrocious Karnaaj Rally box art). This most recent episode is no different; The Cover Critic takes on Resident Evil, Mega Man, Yo Bro, and even the Adventures of Bayou Billy. Unlike previous articles that talk about no-name games, The Cover Critic Misses the Point is all about franchises that you know and love. Who would have thought that Resident Evil or Mega Man could be so lame? Who dares speak ill about Bayou Billy?? Just who the heck is Hammerin' Harry??? These questions and more are answered in the one and only episode of The Cover Critic in March 2007. Let's just put it this way, this was not a good month for Capcom!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Just when I feel like we've covered the worst covers ever I come across yet more crap. This episode shocked me because I couldn't believe we hadn't already covered the original Mega Man cover, easily one of the worst covers of all time. Soon after running this latest episode of The Cover Critic both IGN and 1up.com decided to run similar stories (with some of the same box art), I guess this just goes to show that we had a pretty good idea all those years ago. I'm just saying."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
This is not an article so much as it is a reminder that we now have a weekly retro column that will help you make intelligent buying decisions. Every Thursday we are going to wrap up the week of retro games in a special article we are calling: This Week In Defunct Games. Not only will you get a game-by-game guide to what you should and shouldn't buy, but you are also welcome to listen to our
weekly retro podcast, which features Cyril (and sooner or later special guests) rattling on about that week's retro releases and some of our thoughts about other old school news/games. It's exactly the kind of thing you should expect from Defunct Games, your one source for everything funny about classic video game culture. In the three weeks we've been doing this we've already covered everything from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to the Romance of the Three Kingdoms to Worms to Excitebike. If there's one thing you can count on each week from Defunct Games it's our undying devotion to the retro scene, especially when it comes to the games you can currently buy on your Xbox 360, Wii and PlayStation 3. So make sure and check it out, we feel that This Week In Defunct Games is well worth your time!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Even though we've only posted a few episodes of This Week In Defunct Games the feedback has been extremely positive so far. Right now both the articles and the podcasts are barebones, but as this show continues you will no doubt see that we have big things in store. In the near future we hope to bring along a special guest (possibly co-host) who will go over the weekly releases and talk about the upcoming retro-based article that he's working on. I can't go into too many details, but we are hoping to introduce yet another brand new show this month. Stay on the lookout for that, and in the mean time I suggest you keep reading/listening to This Week In Defunct Games, we're getting better every week."
-Cyril Lachel
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