You just spent all night trying to take off your Halloween makeup, you finally beat Manhunt 2, all your friends are playing The Orange Box instead of Halo 3, and you started a petition to get Viva Laughlin back on CBS. It sounds like you just barely survived October 2007. It's a month that brought us the Microsoft/Bungie break-up, California wildfires and another Tony Hawk skateboarding game. But just because you lost your backwards compatibility, PlayStation 3, that doesn't mean you have to miss out on all of the fun. This is Defunct Games RECAPPED!!, your monthly guide to the best and worst of the last 31 days. This is all the stuff you missed, all the stuff you forgot about and all the stuff you can't wait to see again! So there's no need to run over somebody's bare foot, Britney Spears, because Defunct Games has you covered. Prepared to be horrified by the best articles and reviews of October 2007!
Why This Article?
Over the next few months you will probably see a lot of video game websites predict what the future will hold. It's not uncommon to find GameSpot, 1up, IGN and the rest of the mainstream game press talking about what they expect to see in 2008; the allure of the prediction article is just too much for journalists to ignore. And that's why we decided to beat them to the punch and do our two-page prediction article in October, months before anybody even starts to think about what the future will look like. It's Only A Matter of Time ... before everybody else does this article, so we're going to do it first and laugh at everybody else's inaccurate predictions! That's just how we rock it at Defunct Games.
In this article we look at hot topics that are on everybody's mind and tell you what will and will not happen in the next year or two. Will Metal Gear Solid 4 go multiplatform? Is PETA going to go after video games next? Will you still be able to play your Nintendo DS while flying to the next video game convention? Is there ever going to be a Halo 4? Will we ever have flying cars? These are the questions we answer in this very special Defunct Games article. Well, all but the thing about the flying cars, there's no way we're going to see those in the next year or two. Now is your chance to look like a hero when you repeat our predictions to all of your friends. It's almost as if we came from the future to tell you exactly what you need to know (actually, we did come from the future, and there are still no flying cars). One look at this article and you'll see why we decided to feature this as our top story of the month!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"When I went about writing this article about predictions I figured that some of it might come true ... but I had no idea that I would be so right so fast. Within days of writing this article Nintendo decided that it was time to unveil their newest character for Super Smash Bros. Brawl. And of course that character is Sonic the Hedgehog, just like I called it mere hours earlier. While I was definitely happy to see a prediction come true, I wasn't very pleased to learn that the game had slipped to 2008. At the beginning of the year I kept saying that there was no way Nintendo would release Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime and Smash Bros. all in 2007. Since E3 I have backed down from this prediction, but it looks like I was right all along. Speaking of things I was right about. A week after this article went live Japan decided to ban portable video game systems from their airplanes. Thankfully you can still take your PSP and DS on flights in the U.S., but I fear that this is just the first sign of things to come. I'm curious (but worried) about which one of my other predictions will end up coming true next. Hopefully it isn't the one about laws against video games."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
October was a good month for fans of old school Capcom games. Not only did the company announce a brand new Bionic Commando, but we're also getting the first new Street Fighter sequel in close to a decade. With so many big announcements in a row I worried that my heart just wasn't going to take it, but I had to push on in hopes that Capcom would have another big announcement. Assuming that Street Fighter IV and Bionic Commando are successful, I suspect that Capcom will go back to the well and pull up a few other retro classics to
revive. That's where Defunct Games comes in! There's no need for Capcom to survey their fans about what game they should resurrect next, because Defunct Games is here with our official list that does the same thing for free. That's right, we suggest Ten More Games Capcom Should Revive! Find out if your favorite Capcom game made our short list and discover what we feel is the ultimate old school Capcom game that needs to be resurrected. Agree with us or not, I'm sure you'll find at least a few of your favorite Capcom games on this list. And that's why we feel this is the second best article of October 2007!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"As I expected, the moment I posted this Top 10 List I was inundated by tons of emails suggesting other Capcom games to revive. The truth is that I am open to Capcom reviving just about any franchise, just as long as they take the care to make it a good game. But the problem with a list like this is that I only have so many slots to fill and there's no way I will be able to cover everybody's favorite Capcom game. Among the games I missed that people wanted to see resurrected were titles like Mighty Final Fight, Breath of Fire, Buster Bros., 194X, Darkstalkers, Willow, JoJo Bizarre Adventure, Gun Smoke, Trojan, and Snow Bros. I'm with you when it comes to Darkstalkers, Gun Smoke and Breath of Fire. But who are you kidding when you ask for Mighty Final Fight and Willow? Let them rest in peace, people."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Over the past six years Defunct Games has done its best to chronicle the worst video game advertising of all time. We've looked at ugly Neo Geo ads, racist Wolfenstein 3D commercials and the terror that is Johnny Turbo. But in our 40th episode we decided to mix things up a bit and look at the wild world of computer advertisement. Who knew that PC gamers were being subjected to the same painful adverts as us console guys? This is Tim Gunn's Guide
to Bad Advertising, a look at some truly heinous commercial from the mid-1990s. In this episode we check out the most disturbing joystick commercial of all time, try to figure out why a video card company is likening their newest product to a suicide bomber, and laugh at the wild world of one-handed controls. And that's not it; we also take the show to the "Xtreme," thanks in large part to a slang-filled video card commercial. It's an episode of the Commercial Break you don't want to miss, and that's why we feel it's the third best article of the month!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"I'm telling you, I still have nightmares about that SWIV 3D Quad Assault flight control. I recently went to see Saw IV and I guarantee that there's nothing in that movie that is more disturbing that seeing some guy's hand sewn to a joystick. Speaking of Saw IV, I was shocked to discover that some young mother decided to bring her infant child to the movie. It's bad enough when people bring their babies to a regular drama or comedy, but there's no place for an infant at a Saw movie. It's not that I'm afraid that the child is going to be scarred by the sadistic violence on the screen, but rather the non-stop loud sounds (people yelling, power tools cutting into people's flesh, music cues that are meant to make you jump, etc.). Thankfully the kid was well behaved, but it seems pretty stupid to bring your child to watch Saw with you. I'm just saying."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
You can tell a lot about a person by the people they hang out with. We wonder if the same can be said about a video game company. More specifically, what can we learn from the fact that every company that Microsoft has teamed up with has decided to leave them ... all at once. It's not just Bungie, but it's also FASA Studios, Bizarre Creations, and even Peter Moore. And then there are all these rumors about Rare, a company that should have helped turn Microsoft into
one of the most important players in the video game industry. But that's not where Microsoft is right now, at best they are holding steady at second place and still trying to break into the Japanese market. So what can we learn from all of these sudden departures? That's what we try to find out in the 136th episode of On Running Feuds, Are the Rats Fleeing Microsoft? It may be an uncomfortable topic, but somebody needs to ask. And that's why we feel confident in putting this at number four on our list of the best articles of October 2007!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Apparently time is not on my side this month. In this article I go through a whole list of people and companies that are jumping off of the Microsoft express (including Bungie, Bizarre Creations, FASA, Peter Moore, etc.), but had I waited only a day or two I would have had another paragraph to add. Mere hours after posting this article we learned that Electronic Arts decided to buy up BioWare, the company responsible for the Microsoft-published role-playing game, Mass Effect. Dammit! If I had known this was going to happen I would have postponed this article by a day or two. It's as if Microsoft is trying to sabotage my articles by making them out of date as quickly as possible. Damn you Microsoft, I see the game you're playing here and I'm not going to stand for it!"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
You read that right, Nintendo doesn't care about Chibi Robo. If they actually cared about the success of this environment-friendly Nintendo DS game they would go ahead and sell it everywhere, not just at Wal-Mart. In this On Running Feud we go through all the reasons why it's a bad idea to give Wal-Mart the exclusive to your game. And what's more, we also try to figure out just how Nintendo expected us to find out about this
exclusive (since it's not mentioned anywhere on their site or advertising). Some may feel that we're spending too much time talking about Chibi Robo, but we fear that this is just the start of major companies giving stores exclusive games for no reason what so ever. Imagine having to go to Sears to buy the next Tony Hawk game, or, lord forbid, we actually have to step foot inside a GameStop and reserve the next installment of Grand Theft Auto. Apparently there really is something worse than death. Despite the heavy political tilt, we feel that this is a strong article that deserves to be read.
Post-Article Thoughts:
"You know it's a strong month when this entertaining piece about Wal-Mart and Chibi Robo are stuck on the bottom of the list. As you can probably guess, every time I take a political stand in one of my On Running Feuds I get flooded with angry letters from people that disagree with me. I was surprised that so many George W. Bush supporters read the pages of Defunct Games. Actually, I'm more surprised that there are so many George W. Bush fans at all. Isn't his approval at around 25%? I also got the riot act from the Wal-Mart supporters, many of whom completely missed the point of the article. But I don't blame them; they're writing a website to defend Wal-Mart ... that's not the best way to prove that you are a bright and educated individual. So go ahead people, keep those hate letters coming. I'm willing to read each and every one of them, just as long as you continue to read Defunct Games and let me know how much you disagree with me."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Boo!!! Did I scare you? Well, neither did the games on the list of the 10 Least Scary Horror Games. If you're like us then you probably want something scary to play on Halloween. After all, there's nothing better than locking the door, ignoring the trick or treaters, turning off all the lights and playing something that really gets your blood boiling. It's easy to find a list of the scariest games out there, pretty much every website and magazine publishes an article like that every year. But what if you wanted to play a game that isn't on one
of those lists, the kind of game that nobody else is playing that sounds scary? Well we support that ... but we also wanted to point out a few games that sound scary, but really aren't. It's fun to be an individual and choose a scary game on your own, let's just hope that it's not one of these un-scary scary games. We feel that this is a valuable list for anybody that wants to avoid scare-free entertainment, and that's why we've decided to include the 10 Least Scary Horror Games on our list of the best articles of October 2007.
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Oh Halloween, it seems like it happened only days ago. Actually, it did happen only days ago ... I know because I was busy finishing Manhunt 2 for review and watching my favorite contemporary horror film, May. This kind of holiday article is hit or miss; while I love to make fun of these un-scary games, I have to realize that everybody's sense of what's frightening is different. For example, I didn't find BioShock to be scary, but I know somebody who was so disturbed by the game that he couldn't even get past the first hour. The same could be true for Manhunt 2; I suppose there might be somebody out there that thinks that this is as scary as the original game (even though it's not). But there's one thing we can all agree on: Grabbed by the Ghoulies is not (and never will be) scary!"
-Cyril Lachel
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