You just spent all night camping outside of a Best Buy to save a few hundred dollars on a brand new HDTV, you are having a hard time coming to grips with the fact that CNET fired Jeff Gerstmann over a Kane & Lynch review, and all of your favorite shows are in reruns thanks to the Writer's Strike! It sounds like you just barely survived November 2007. It's a month that brought us Thanksgiving, Rock Band, and a merger between Activision and Vivendi. But just because you were too busy being disgusted by gross internet videos, everybody that watched 2 Girls 1 Cup, that doesn't mean you have to miss out on all of the fun. This is Defunct Games RECAPPED!!, your monthly guide to the best and worst of the last 30 days. This is all the stuff you missed, all the stuff you forgot about and all the stuff you can't wait to see again! So when you come down to earth after being named one of the best fathers in the country, K-Fed, you'll still have a lot left to read at Defunct Games. Prepared to be disgusted by the best articles and reviews of November 2007!
Why This Article?
The Holiday season is here again and that can only mean one thing: It's time to open presents and hang out with the family. Actually, it means something completely different around the offices of Defunct Games. Every year Defunct Games celebrates this season by offering a daily themed article that counts down the days from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Last year we took a look at the 33 Consoles of Christmas, two years ago we talked about our favorite articles and in 2003 we reviewed all of the classic game magazines from the last thirty years. In the seven years since starting this site we've managed to look at everything from classic game moments to rare game accessories. So the big question going into Thanksgiving was: What the hell is Defunct Games going to talk about this Holiday season?
After much debate at the Defunct Games office, we've decided to look at the 34 Cliches of Christmas. That's right, for 34 days we're going to look at the biggest and most annoying cliches ever seen in video games. I'm talking about everything from completely helpless women to hidden key cards to the exploding red barrel; it's all here in the 34 Cliches of Christmas. What are these various cliches? Are they realistic? Are they overused? Now is your chance to find out what the staff of Defunct Games thinks when you read through our daily look at the most common video game cliches. Everybody likes a good Holiday article, and we feel confident that this year's installment is one of our best. There are a lot of reasons why this is our favorite article of November 2007, but the most important is because everybody loves the idea of a daily theme article. So ignore the rest of this list and start reading the 34 Cliches of Christmas.
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Actually, don't ignore the rest of the list. It's better you go ahead and read the full list and then double back for the 34 Cliches of Christmas. Either way you're going to be stuck here at Defunct Games reading more than one article, sorry about that. Every year we start with a lot of different ideas for the Holiday theme article, and this year was no exception. Had it not been cliches then you might have been reading about the 34 Bosses of Christmas or even the 34 Controllers of Christmas. Both of these ideas are solid, but at the end of the day we had to go with a humor article about the various game cliches. Maybe you'll see one of those ideas next year ... or maybe we'll have something even better for you. But don't go thinking ahead just yet, because we still have more than twenty cliches to get through before we start opening presents and hanging out with the family. I'll see you at the finish line."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Have you ever wondered what your Xbox Live gamerpic says about you? After looking over the list of both free and premium pics, you decided on something non-offensive that you believe sums up who you are. Unfortunately you decided to go with the Mountain Dew Game Fuel gamerpic and now everybody you know is making fun of you. Don't worry; because Defunct Games is
here to help you predict what other people will think when they see your lame-ass picture. In What Your Gamerpic Says About You, Defunct Games takes 22 popular gamerpics and tells you exactly what people are going to think when they see them. In this episode we take a look at pictures from the U.S. Airforce, Tomb Raider Legend, Yaris, Gun, Penny Arcade, Heroes and even Sonic the Hedgehog. Don't get fooled again when selecting the picture that represents you, join Defunct Games as we tell you what's good and what's bad. You won't get fooled again as long as we have anything to say about it.
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Secretly this is the best article of November, only I couldn't possibly feature it at the top of the list because of how important the 34 Cliches of Christmas is. The good news is that this feature was extremely popular, showing up on a bunch of other websites and blogs. From the overwhelming response I can guarantee that we'll do another article like this again, only next time with newer (and even lamer) gamerpics. After posting the article I received a number of emails and IMs from people who had selected some of these gamerpics, most of which wanted to defend their favorite picture. What they don't understand is that it's not about what YOU think of your gamerpic, but rather what your gamerpic says about you. If your gamerpic says you're lame, then chances are you're lame. And you wrote me to defend your gamerpic, so if that's not proof that you're lame then I don't know what is."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Last month marked several important milestones for Microsoft and their Xbox brand. Not only was it the two year birthday of the Xbox 360, but online gamers had the opportunity to celebrate the Xbox Live's fifth anniversary. And to sweeten the pot a little more, Microsoft uploaded their 100th Xbox Live Arcade game. Unfortunately the game they uploaded was Shrek N Roll, a disappointing licensed game that came just in time to mark the DVD
release of Shrek 3. Talk about a disappointing way to celebrate this important milestone. This is not the kind of thing Nintendo would do, and that's why we're even more disgusted with Microsoft. In our newest On Running Feud we try and scold Microsoft into doing the right thing, that way when it comes time to celebrate the 200th XBLA title we can have something worth buying ... not something based on a terrible license. And that's why we feel that this is the third best article of November.
Post-Article Thoughts:
"To a lot of people this isn't that big of a deal. Most people don't really care about the number order or milestones, but I think it sets the wrong precedence by not celebrating important events like the 100th Xbox Live Arcade game. This is the kind of thing that gives people something to look forward to; it lets us know that Microsoft is actually doing more than just uploading random games every week. Unfortunately I'm not so sure Microsoft is actually thinking about what they are doing, because why else would they give us the random licensed piece of garbage instead of something really good? Maybe it's too much to ask for Half-Life or Blast Corps, but the least they could have done was give us something that the average XBLA buyer would want. And no offense to Shrek, but I can guarantee that the average Live Arcade junky is not going to be excited about Shrek N Roll. It may seem minor, but it's this lack of care and timing that makes me worry about the longevity of Microsoft's download service."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
They just lost the rights to the Dragon Ball Z franchise. Most of their big 2007 releases are three years old. They are losing money left and right. And all of the companies that were once working with them have decided to jump ship and work with
other publishers. Oh the story of Atari, how you never cease to depress me. In an attempt to find Atari at their lowest moment, Defunct Games is proud to present their newest controversy: The Witcher. Oh, you haven't heard about this controversy yet? Maybe it's time you read our 70th episode of The Freeze Frame to see the Proof That Atari Is Creatively Bankrupt. All it will take is one look and you'll understand why this is our fourth best article of the month.
Post-Article Thoughts:
"This is one of those articles that started in a completely different place when I first thought it up. When I first had the idea I didn't know that this article would turn out to be a divisive post against Atari, a company who is being hit from all sides by the general media. Instead I wanted to run a light little article about the similarities between The Witcher and Zeewolf. Unfortunately I realized that the article I had in my mind was only about a paragraph long, so I decided to get down in the mud with everybody else to pound away at poor old Atari. You might be interested to know that this article was thought up while I was digging around for Cover Critic fodder. The things you come up with while doing normal every day things can be bone chilling."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
After months of making fun of old school NES, Genesis and PlayStation covers, we decided to take a break from the norm and go after classic Commodore 64 games and titles found on the Amiga computers. Don't worry, these twenty year old covers are just as silly as those found on classic 8-bit home
consoles. This month alone we take a look at Mad TV (not to be confused with Fox's TV show, MadTV), the sexy Lure of the Temptress, a slug hero and two animals that fight it out with lit sticks of dynamite. How explosive. And that's just the start of this month's episode of The Cover Critic. As usual you get all of the snarky responses to the covers and a few inappropriate jokes. Now is your chance to find out just what made The Cover Critic fall in love and if there's anything we can do for him. And that's why we feel that this brand new episode of The Cover Critic is our fifth best article of November 2007.
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Usually when I post these episodes of The Cover Critic I get a few people who write to me and want to defend their favorite game. Maybe it's because they didn't read the article or can't tell that we're making fun of the artwork and not the quality of the game, but for some odd reason people will defend just about anything. This time around nobody defended the terrible artwork on these Commodore 64 covers. I heard a few people find the descriptions funny, but nobody wrote in to explain why a slug superhero is cool or what's so mad about Mad TV. I'll take that as a sign that this episode was a complete disaster and that I should bring the gusto next time I decided to upload another episode of The Cover Critic."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
While these two features aren't exactly articles in the strictest sense of the word, they are easy to use companion pieces for people who plan on playing with the Virtual Console or GameTap download services. Regardless of which service you use, each month there are brand new retro games uploaded to both the Virtual Console and GameTap, and it's important that you stay
up to date on what's worth playing and what's very, very bad. Defunct Games makes this task even easier thanks to our Ultimate GameTap Guidebook and Neo-Geo: Your Virtual Console Guide (two different articles). Scroll down our list of regularly updated titles to see what games you've missed out on and which ones you'll need to download for yourself. Best of all, on a lot of the reviews you can read our full review or see our thoughts on the game. While it's not really an article in the traditional sense of the word, these two "guides" will help you play only the best games this holiday season (and beyond).
Post-Article Thoughts:
"For months I had wondered if I should even bother working on a guide for GameTap. After all, this online service features more than a thousand games in their catalog and fifty free titles that anybody can play at any time. But I decided to just sit down and actually go through each of the titles one by one, and believe it or not it didn't take that long to judge each and every last game. The good news is that GameTap is happy (going as far as to send Defunct Games an official GameTap jacket), but more importantly it shows you all of the amazing games you could be playing right now for free. Who needs the Virtual Console when you can download and play MERCS for free?"
-Cyril Lachel
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