Kids on Site

I swear I didn't know what this game was when I bought it. I could barely see the spine behind the counter at my local used gamery. I believed it to read "Kids Bite", and assumed, thus, that it was some tongue-in-cheek FMV pile of excrement waiting for me to rip it apart. Instead, we have a kid's informative, and somewhat interactive, video and pile of excrement that makes me feel bad to own, and worse to play. A child in the nineties might have found it a fun way to avoid Mommy and her new boyfriend for twenty minutes, but in these enlightened times the lackluster final product simply doesn't hold its own. What follows is a terrifying account of the lives of Bertha, Dizzy, Nuts, and the infamous Coffee Break Gang, and the afternoon they senselessly slaughtered.

This ... I don't know, game? Video? Certainly not video game. Interactive diversion, begins with our virtual foreman Bertha welcoming us, the kid, to her world. And what a world it is! We're quickly introduced to Dizzy and Nuts, the Abbott and Costello of the construction world, and the surly Coffee Break Crew, the fat cat union gangsters that leave no Styrofoam cup unfilled. After we realize we are "on site" (which is a construction term that you probably don't know but I do) we get to choose our instrument of destruction. The machines include an excavator, a steamroller, a bulldozer, and a wrecking ball. This is where the fun starts; that's literally what the box says, but I don't believe it.

After a short monologue from Bertha and a "zany" skit from Dizzy and Nuts you will take hold of whichever machine you chose. I personally enjoyed the excavator; if for no other reason than getting to dump a pile of dirt on Nuts and to pick up Coffee Break Crewman #3. That THAT suckas! I also liked how you can do no wrong in Dizzy's eyes; you can rip water pipes out of the ground and all he has to say is "good job!" and provides a satisfied thumbs up.

On to the technical matters. The control consists of pressing either button A or C to change directions while driving, or pressing button B to activate whatever it is the machine is designed to do. Fairly simplistic, as it wasn't designed for big kids like me. The graphics are grainy at best, but not the worst I've seen on this system.

As far as music and sound effects are concerned, they are completely forgettable, if they were even present. I don't remember any music, but I did hear a few of those cartoon pratfall sounds.

If you have kids and want to subject them to a Sega CD game, this is probably the best candidate. Of course, if you're that kind of a parent, I've already contacted the authorities.