20 em I

If I was tasked with selling 20 copies of 20 em I, the crazy game compilation from Tec Toy, I would probably say something like, "I do agree that this game sucks, but at least there's twenty of them." By that response you can probably infer that this 13 year old game is nothing more than a bag of crap.

When you start up the game, you get a painful purple background accompanied by a looping song that only lasts around five seconds. Now what happens after that truly cracks me up. Lots of fighting games seem to have a demo video that runs when you decide you're not ready to press start. I assumed that there would be one here, so I decided to hold out for the demo screen. But like the rest of 20 em I, the programmers must have forgotten to take their meds and said, "I don't feel like doing anything." You end up watching a lazy purple haze-like transition into the demo and you realize that they didn't even make the characters move; they just show you what it looks like when you don't have the control plugged in. Sadly that sets the tone of the rest of the game.

When you finally do press the start button, you see a screen with an ugly green finger with black nails pointing at numbers. It looks as though the development team has just given a toddler access to MSPAINT, hoping that he knew his numbers because they outlined the damn letters with blue. Blue?!? I am pretty sure that you're saying "hey it can't be that bad," but man would you be wrong ... so very, very wrong.

Once your eyes stop bleeding and you decide to pick a game, you're treated to another dose of crap. These sprites are bad, followed by more bad, followed by even more bad. The colors just dig deep into your retinas and burned as if pepper was just shoved into them. The sprites in some games look deliberately copied like the same developers forgot to take their meds (again) and said, "I don't feel like doing anything right now." I really can't continue because it just hurts my eyes even to remind myself of the visual torture.

The controls are, in a word: sluggish. That's the best way to describe 20 em I's gameplay. You see, every mini-game feels like it is being controlled by a drunken man that you are controlling by poking him with a stick that is 9 feet long. Furthermore, they don't give you any instructions on what the point of the game is; you just sort of poke around and hope you're doing it right.

The worst part of this game (yes even worse than the graphic) is the fact that when you run out of time, you are greeted by either a recycled sprite that looks like a blind construction worker, for doing good. For doing bad, however, there's clowns head on wheels that just sort of grins at you. I mean grins. As in he smiles into your very soul, just mocking you to the point of madness. Then after you have been ridiculed, or I guess awarded, you're expected to do the mini-game over and over again. The only thing they change is the score you had from the last round. It's as if that damn clown wants you to just play and play until you lose track of time, falling into madness as the song in the background loops over ... and over ... and over.

Overall this game is almost completely unplayable. The games are lacking in fun of any kind and the game just feels like a waste of space and time. Oh and just a quick note: Don't play this game even if your life depended on it!