Defunct Games is in search of the worst video game idea possible. I'm not talking about games that actually exist, but rather titles that are so terrible that no company would ever, EVER green light them. In the past few episodes we've looked at both
Yoshi's Fart + Go (Nintendo 64) and the Nintendo DS version of
Friend Codes DS. While both of those ideas are terrible, I'm happy to say that we may have found something even worse! That's right, it's time once again to plug our noses and check out another exciting episode of WORST. GAME. EVER.
HALO 3 COPD (Bungie)
[ Xbox 360 - MSRP: $89.99 - 16 Players - 2010 ]
Back of the Box Description:
"Master Chief and the entire ODST squad are back in the most breathtaking HALO installment yet. It's HALO 3 COPD, the heart-pounding, slow-moving, oxygen-needing new game from Bungie. With more than thirty minutes of new material, HALO 3 COPD is the exciting new sequel that is already breaking records around the world."
Brief Synopsis:
There's no stopping Bungie's HALO franchise. Ever since it launched with the original Xbox, HALO has been the one game every gamer needs to own. Compelled by the wildly popular full-priced expansion pack, the entire HALO 3 ODST development team has burned the midnight oil to come up with an even better title for 2010. That game is HALO 3 COPD, an action-packed story that takes place thirty years after the events of ODST. In this Xbox 360 game you'll discover that due to constantly breathing in exhaust (and the four packs a day smoking habit), many of the ODST squad has come down with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, commonly referred to as COPD. Old age and bad health may plague the brave men and women of the ODST, but that's not going to stop them from grabbing their dentures, turning off a repeat of Matlock and boarding their Hoverounds.
HALO 3 COPD looks exactly like ODST, only this time it's really, really blurry!
In HALO 3 CODP you get thirty minutes of brand new gameplay. But don't worry, because each of the ODSTs moves so slowly (and requires somebody to push around an oxygen tank), the thirty minutes of gameplay will drag out into a full twenty hour adventure. This installment also comes with brand new less sensitive controls that will mimic old people's slow movement speed and poor reflexes. All of the online modes made famous in HALO 3 and ODST will be present, only this time around all of the levels take place in Florida. HALO fans the world over are going to have a moderate amount of fun when they play HALO 3 COPD, retailing for $89.99 (with a monthly subscription to AARP) in early 2010.
Sample Review:
"Bungie has done it again! Even though this brand new installment is noticeably slower than the competition and only offers thirty minutes of new gameplay, HALO 3 COPD is well worth the money. Forget Call of Duty and Quake, Bungie's newest game proves that just as long as they keep slapping that "HALO" name on the cover we'll continue to give it high scores. They've managed to take a
ludicrous idea that should have been cheap DLC, but I'm compelled to give this game my highest score simply because it's called HALO. Who cares if it doesn't innovate? And so what that all of the game modes are the same? As long as I see that HALO name on the box I know I'm in for a good time. So pick up HALO 3 CODP, it's easily the best game ever made. Ever. I'm serious. No game will ever be better than HALO."
Fun Fact:
Everybody knows that Microsoft announced HALO Reach at this year's E3, but did you know that HALO 3 COPD will also be getting in on the action? The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is proud to team with Bungie and Microsoft for HALO R.E.A.C.H. This exciting new HALO game will take advantage of the
CDC's REACH U.S. program, or Racial and Ethnic Approaches to Community Health. Little is known about this hotly anticipated sequel, but if rumors are to be believed then we'll see a far more diverse cast of characters next time around. It seems clear from the upcoming releases of HALO 3 COPD and HALO R.E.A.C.H., no matter what color you are or illness you have, Master Chief will be there to fight alongside you!
[Think you can come up with something worse than HALO 3 COPD? Maybe you should
send Defunct Games your idea! If the panel votes that you have the worst game idea possible, we'll send you one of the worst games of all time. I'm talking about Darkest of Days or Mortal Kombat Advance. Something truly awful that you will never forget. Something so bad that you'll curse the site every time you turn on your game system. If your idea is that bad, then we need to see it immediately!]
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