When I'm not playing games for review or working on content for Defunct Games, I'm generally pretty active in other fields of interest. Like everybody, I watch my fair share of TV, go to movies and listen to music. I have also been drawn to politics and punditry. Call me crazy, but I'm a wonk. I love watching the process, the arguing, the backstabbing. It's something I can't get enough of ... especially in an election year.

Given my love for the internet and interest in politics, it's no surprise that I find myself tuning into a lot of new media talk shows. These days my favorite is a wildly popular three-hour internet show called The Young Turks. This long-running (for the internet) series features Cenk Uygur and a fun group of extras that rotate through the studio. The show is lively, topical and always funny. Even when I disagree, I love it. And that's why it pains me to say this: Somebody has got to stop The Young Turks!

It pains me to say this, but this longtime fan believes they have gone too far. It's not their left-leaning politics or their crummy taste in music, instead it's their video game reviews. That's right, The Young Turks reviews video games. Well ... they attempt to review games, what actually takes place is somewhere between a natural disaster and walking in on your parents having sex. Their reviews are so bad that it's forced me to rethink how hard I've been on Tommy Tallarico.

As a fan, I know the best thing I can do for my favorite internet talk show is to show them the light. Using the power of a kinda popular video game website, I hope to get in touch with The Young Turks and get them to stop their psychologically damaging video game reviews. But to do this I will need audio, lots and lots of audio. So without further ado, let's hear Cenk introduce us to the one and only "TYT Video Game Expert!"



Wait ... Wes Clarke is in the house? You mean the four-star General who unsuccessfully ran for President back in 2004? That Wes Clarke? No, sadly, we don't get the 65 year old Army General talking about BioShock 2. Instead it's his son, Wesley Clarke, Jr. That's an inspired choice for a video game critic, but I'll go with it. Just keep in mind that Cenk makes two important statements right up front: A) He doesn't know anything about video games and, B) Wes is a video game expert.

Cenk is a knowledgeable guy about a lot of things, but it's blatantly clear from the get-go that he knows nothing about modern video games. His questions and references make it sound like the last game he played was the original Donkey Kong. Not to dwell on the point, here's an example of a typical Cenk question ...



See, I told you Cenk was clueless. This is a guy who doesn't own a game system and never even thinks about the video game industry. In other words, he's the kind of guy who would NEVER come to a site like Defunct Games. And I think that's great, especially if he's open to learning about video game history and maybe even experiencing some for himself. As a lover of this form of entertainment, I want to share it with everybody, so I hope that Cenk truly is as open as he says he is.

It's unusual to hear such elementary questions asked during a video game review, usually the basic questions are left for the backstage banter. But Cenk isn't worried about looking like a video game noobie, even if it means that every video game fan in the audience is collectively rolling their eyes. Unfortunately for those game fans, Cenk has a lot of stupid questions. Here's another example of what comes out of his mouth ...



Okay, so this is kind of a boneheaded question. Sure he asks if the game takes eight hours to beat, but he implies that maybe all you're trying to do is "master" it. Is it just me or does he make it sound like this is Pac-Man or Space Invaders, a game about honing your skills and beating the high score. Sorry Cenk, this is Dark Void, an action/adventure game from Capcom. There's no such thing as mastering Dark Void.

Okay, I'll give, that's two stupid questions in a row. I'm sure that these Young Turks don't have any other stupid comments to drop. Wait, what's that you say, there's another clip? Fine, lay it on us ...



Oh wait ... that's not Cenk! Who is this lovely voice? It's actually Ana, the 23 year old co-host. And guess what, she's not a gamer! That's right, now it's two against one. But remember, Wes Clarke is a bona fide video game expert. He should be able to bat down all of these stupid questions and teach Cenk and Ana a thing or two about video games. One can only hope that he will inspire these two novices to pick up a game system, perhaps try a game or two and see if they like it. Maybe then they will be able to contribute to these game-related sections.

But not so fast, let's take a second listen to that audio clip. Pay special attention to Wes Clarke's response to Ana's fairly straightforward question.



Wait ... WHAT??? That doesn't even come close to answering Ana's question. Instead of answer Ana's straightforward question, Wes goes way off topic and starts talking about the game's story. Talking about the "total bitch" that you hook up with doesn't answer what a role-playing game is, instead it just suggests that you aren't very good at focusing on the questions.

But don't worry, Ana, I'll answer your question and make things less confusing for everybody. A traditional role-playing game is generally a story-driven experience, where your character earns experience, becomes more powerful and goes on an epic quest. Many role-playing games (including the one you are reviewing) have a familiar high fantasy look, similar to the Lord of the Rings movies. RPGs are known for their strategic combat, which forces you to plan your moves ahead and use your head to get out of sticky situations. I hope that helps.

Speaking of Lord of the Rings, I believe that Cenk has something he wants to add about dragons. Take it away, Cenk ...



Dragons are gay? Now hold on, I was sure that sparkling vampires were gay, but it's also dragons? What else is gay, Sasquatch? Maybe it's because I've played so many video games and watched so many movies, but dragons definitely aren't gay. They weren't gay in the Lord of the Rings movies. Totally not gay in Reign of Fire. And I don't remember running into too many fabulous dragons in Monster Hunter. I'm just saying, dragons are definitely NOT gay.

But so what, maybe the only dragons he sees are on the front of romance novels or something. Who cares? I'm sure this is the last stupid off-the-cuff opinion he'll throw out there. I mean, you put a guy on the air for three hours a day and he's bound to say something stupid once and awhile. On second thought, he also had this to say about watching somebody play BioShock 2 ...


Alright, yes, you're playing the first Big Daddy. However, I don't believe enough of the game's back story was explained before Cenk came down with his uninformed decision. The information that isn't talked about in this segment is all of the story elements from the first game, which sets up the plot of the sequel. The idea was never about "ripping off little girl's heads," as Cenk would like to believe. That may have been a choice, but it certainly wasn't the only choice. The Big Daddy's protected these little sisters, and you were the one that could choose life or death. If you chose death then you are a cold hearted human being.

And this is why Cenk shouldn't be laying down opinions about games he has never played. This isn't the kind of thing he would do in a movie review. You wouldn't hear Roger Ebert criticize a movie based solely on one or two out of context scenes. If the only scene you saw in Fargo was the bloody wood chipper, you might think it's as violent as Rambo. Patrick Bateman gets away with all sorts of depravity in American Psycho, yet it was a critic darling. And let's not even get started on Natural Born Killers, Gladiator, Saving Private Ryan, Pulp Fiction and dozens of other well-received movies with shocking content. The point is, film critics (including Cenk, who recently loved the violence in Brooklyn's Finest) wouldn't judge an entire film on just one or two outrageous shots. There's a double standard here that drives me up the wall.

The thing is, Cenk knows a thing or two about reviewing movies. He's not going to ask ridiculously basic questions in the middle of reviewing Alice in Wonderland. He's going to bring informed opinions and worthwhile arguments. He comes prepared and knows what he's talking about. He's a pro. There's no way he would ever go into a crazy rant against Johnny Depp or Tim Burton, he's the kind of guy who brings real facts to the table.



So let me get this straight, Johnny Depp always plays the same role in Tim Burton movies? That can't be right, can it? He and I must be watching different movies, because I could have sworn that there was a huge difference between his Ed Wood character and this Mad Hatter he's playing in Alice in Wonderland. Or what about his quiet innocence in Edward Scissorhands versus his take on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, where he basically channels Michael Jackson. These roles are all so varied and different, they range from hyperactive to subdued. Johnny Depp has incredible range as an actor ... even when he's in a Tim Burton movie. You're just wrong about this one, Cenk.

The good news is that Cenk is never alone when he's reviewing movies. When Cenk makes crazy comments like the one above, the two professional movie critics smack him back into line. Each week Ben Mankiewicz (former host of At the Movies and host at Turner Movie Classics) and Matt Atchity (of Rotten Tomatoes fame) give the professional opinion, all while Cenk sits there making crazy comments. It's not a perfect system, but it works for movies.

Unfortunately, this isn't the way they handle video games. Instead of bringing somebody from GameSpot or IGN on, Cenk gets his buddy Wes Clarke to talk about games. Wes seems to be a great guy, but there are a lot of things he's not open to. Unfortunately one of those things is video game stories.



Holy bitter gaming experience, Batman. I hope Wes doesn't really look at video games in such a narrow, cynical way. I would hope that he could see past a few generic titles and maybe play games with fresh narratives. What's his take on Heavy Rain or Braid or ICO or Grand Theft Auto IV? What he just explained sounds a lot like a role-playing game in 1995, not the video games of today. Did he miss Brutal Legend and Call of Duty? Somebody needs to give him a fake plastic guitar, stat!

The sad truth is, Wes comes off as being a little bitter. He's reviewing games, something that is supposed to be fun. Where is this anger boiling up from? So what if people dissed you on the YouTube message board, that thing is a cesspool of hate, bigotry and unnecessary advertising. If you don't like a game's story, then so be it. But this kind of rant suggests that maybe you aren't that open to a lot of video games. And, from one game critic to another, it's kind of important that you at least appear open minded.

It's also worth mentioning that Wes, the video game expert, only owns a PlayStation 3. In the past he talked about how he used to own an Xbox 360, but it died and he never looked back. What about his PC gaming habits, you ask? Well, maybe it's better if we let him tell you why he doesn't use his PC to play games.



Okay, before we dig into the meat of this quote, I just have to state the obvious: How many, you know, "Game Boy fans" are there? The system is 21 years old, I'm not so sure people care about Nintendo's black and green handheld anymore. Surely the people writing in are fans of other handhelds, maybe the Nintendo DS or the PSP. I'm just saying.

Beyond calling out the "Game Boy fans," Wes also gets angry at even more hateful comments. He explains that he doesn't have a PC because if he did have a PC he would play it too much. It would be so tempting and so much fun that he wouldn't be able to contain himself. He would literally quit his job, divorce his wife and kick his kids to the curb, because PC gaming is so much fun. Apparently the PlayStation 3 is not as much fun as the PC, because he's clearly able to work and support his family.

Did you notice how he suggests that people are complaining about Ana not knowing everything? Wes clearly misunderstands the problems. Nobody cares that Ana doesn't know about games, at least she's trying. The problem with these segments is that it often appears that there are three uninformed people talking about a subject that many people in your audience love. I love video games in the same sort of way that Ben Mankiewicz loves movies. So when I hear three people have a less than coherent conversation about something I love, it makes me want to scream at my computer and rip my hair out. And what do you say to that, Wes?



Okay, first of all, you aren't that much older than me, Wes. So let's get down off your pedistal and actually address the real problem. Nobody is saying you aren't a real gamer, I fully believe that you play and love video games. In fact, I largely agree with your four reviews. They may not be articulate or even coherent, but I do agree with you for the most part. But dude, seriously, you are not the right person to be reviewing video games. Even if you are a gamer, you have two people asking basic questions and bringing the whole segment down.

Imagine for a minute if the movie reviews were set up like this. Where there was one guy who watches a few movies in his spare time and a couple of uninformed goofballs that time traveled from the year 1800. While the guy tried to talk about how amazing The Hurt Locker is, he's being bombarded with questions like, "what this bomb squad you speak of?" and "when say movie, what exactly does that mean?"

Nobody would want to listen to that kind of show. Actually, I would probably tune in if there if the guest critics actually time traveled. But take the fun sci-fi cliche out of the mix and all you have is three morons talking about something they know nothing about. I love you guys, but nobody at The Young Turks knows enough to successfully talk about video games. You just don't. Wes tries, but he's no good at it. He's angry, inarticulate and only playing a limited amount of games that appeal to him. It's time to cut your losses and use this time to give us something more entertaining. Anything is better than listening to The Young Turks talk about video games.