WALL OF TEXT EXPLAINED: What you're looking at is an episode of Countdown w/ Defunct Games published before 2006. As you can tell, something has gone horribly awry. I won't bore you with the technical details, but it has to do with the old layout being incompatible with the new. Eventually, we would like to retrofit these old episodes of Countdown, but that will require a significant amount of time. As Defunct Games has only a limited staff, we aren't sure when we'll have the chance to fix this article. If you absolutely need to know what this article said, get a hold of us on Twitter or leave a message in the comment section below. Sorry for the inconvenience. I hope you will enjoy the episodes created post-2006.

#10 Chatterbox FM Where else can you hear people arguing about telephones and foot ball? Where else can you hear wacky thoughts like: "I'm not the problem, you're the problem, Liberty City was free before the telephones", "I really like books, and jazz, and bestiality", "you're probably one of the reasons there are so many single men in this city", and "M-E-N, it's a dirty word. Even if it's only three words. You're married? What, one of those convenience jobs, I've heard about you". #9 Disagree with your past employer? Just kill them! More than a few times in the game you will be forced to make life changing choices, sometimes though it's to kill employers that have done you wrong. And better yet, you can do it any number of ways. You can throw grenades at them, you can do a sniper rifle hit. Perhaps a drive by shooting is more of your liking? Doesn't really matter, just as long as you have the guilt of murder on your conscience. (But then, how is that much different than admitting to seeing Glitter?) #8 The single best flame thrower ever Alright, it's not a fair fight, but allow me to just talk about my favorite weapon in Grand Theft Auto 3 for a few minutes. There is just a special feeling I get when I round up a whole bunch of innocent shoppers and torch them to a crisp. Sure there are a whole bunch of weapons I would really like to use from Metal Gear, but this flame thrower is worth the price of admission alone. It's a blast, no pun intended. #7 Don't just worship firemen, Be a Fireman. No, really. Rushing around the city putting out car fires is therapeutical and one of the only ways to find an ice cream truck. Do you REALLY need an ice cream truck, probably not, but just sitting back and eating ice cream beats the heck out of being tortured or left for dead. (To be fair, you can put out fires in Metal Gear Solid 2, but it's not exactly like stealing a fire truck). #6 Bums and Hobos give you Molotov Cocktails. Well, doesn't that make sense? What else are they going to do with their alcohol bottles? Why not store them under the bridge? These and other stereotypes are delved into deeper in Grand Theft Auto 3. In Metal Gear Solid there are no bums, just terrorists, guards, masked men, and people with big guns. It's really your choice whether this is a real advantage. #5 You can drive a tank. And about 200 other things, too. Unlike Metal Gear Solid 2, Grand Theft Auto allows you to do something other than walk, jump, and run. And better yet, everything from the tank to the busses, to the sports cars to the trucks, each and every vehicle plays differently. Is it fair to blame Metal Gear for not having vehicles? No, but for people like me that like to drive, Grand Theft Auto 3 has just too many vehicles to get through in one sitting. #4 How can you go wrong with a cast like Michael Madsen, Kyle MacLachlan, and Michael Rapaport? Yeah, and don't forget Joe Pantoliano (from the Matrix and Memento), Frank Vincent (Casino), and everybody's favorite bad ass Robert Loggia? Metal Gear has some damn good voice acting, but outside of talents like X Men scribe David Hayter (in dual rolls), and Phil LaMarr, the game has a fairly new cast. And as the commercial says, if Robert Loggia can't convince you to love Grand Theft Auto 3, then NOBODY CAN. Okay, maybe that's paraphrasing a little. #3 Grand Theft Auto 3 brings back the true spirit of RC Cars! Remember the golden age of remote controlled cars? Well, I certainly do, and if there was on thing great about remote controlled cars were running them into big things, like dogs, mole hills, and cars! Thanks to Rockstar Games you are now able to not only run RC cars into walls, but also in traffic to make a REAL BIG explosion. Total carnage, I love it! #2 You can have sex with prostitutes dozens of times in a day. For those who watch porno and think "wow, how great would it be to have sex with multiple partners each day", Grand Theft Auto 3 is your bag. That's right, each day you can pick up numerous prostitutes who are relatively cheap (a buck a minute), so, depending on how freaky you are it might only cost you a few dollars. Beats the heck out of having girl troubles (I'm talking to you Raiden). #1 Grand Theft Auto 3 is about four times longer! Not that there's anything wrong with a short game, especially if it has a great story like Metal Gear Solid 2 does, but let's face it, you'll be at Grand Theft Auto for a full week, compared to the weekend spent trying to not be seen. Plus, let's face it, the story in Grand Theft Auto 3 is simply amazing, it's no Metal Gear Solid 2, but as stories go, it's one of the better ones I've seen. Pro-Metal Gear Rhetoric: So, with all this Grand Theft Auto 3 talk it's hard to get a pro-Metal Gear Solid 2 stance through. But don't fear, I don't dislike Metal Gear Solid 2 in any way. In fact, the 18 hours it took me to beat were some of the most pleasurable I have had in some time. So here are a few things I wish Grand Theft Auto 3 had that Metal Gear Solid 2 currently has. For one thing, I wish the backgrounds were more interactive. In Metal Gear Solid 2 you are able to destroy just about everything, and with some of the weapons in Grand Theft Auto 3 being so damn cool, it would be nice to take out windows, destroy bottles, etc. Also, why not include a first person mode, similar to that in Metal Gear Solid 2? The aiming in Metal Gear Solid 2 works SOULY on this principle. Oh yeah, and how about some better A.I., maybe not as good as in Metal Gear Solid 2, but a little closer. Otherwise, buy both, play through both. And then do something else (like read Defunct Games).