This Week in Defunct Games - Sept. 24, 2009

What Is It? With a name like Crash 'n' The Boys, I don't blame you for being a little confused. This charming little 8-bit "sports" game comes to us from Technos, the famed company behind such classics as River City Ransom and Super Dodge Ball. This obscure NES game takes the sprites from those two games and tosses them into a weird urban-themed Track & Field rip-off. Crash 'n' the Boys adds a story, a different control set-up and a team dynamic. Unfortunately it's nowhere near as fun as River City Ransom. Like so many other sports collections on classic consoles, Street Challenge fails to get any of the fundamentals right. I like the idea of long jumping over buildings and all of the other wacky events, but none of them are fully realized. Even with the winning sense of humor, Crash 'n' the Boys gets old quickly.

Does It Still Hold Up? Like Caveman Games, Track & Field, and California Games, it's hard to go back to control schemes from twenty years ago. This game is notoriously difficult to control, which isn't what you should be looking for in a sports game. The graphics look exactly like what you saw in River City Ransom. In fact, many visuals look like they were stolen from other Technos games. Regardless of whether that's true or not, I do like their art style and wish I had more fun with Crash 'n' the Boys.

Is It Worth The Money? Playing through Crash 'n' the Boys proved one thing: just because I like Technos's art style, that doesn't mean I like all of their games. This is a weak effort, full of boring events that are over far too quickly. There's fun to be had here with friends, but it's not worth the amount you will pay downloading it to your Wii. Stick with River City Ransom and Super Dodge Ball, because Crash 'n' the Boys is definitely not worth your money.

What Is It? This 1988 Commodore 64 game is the middle chapter in System 3's The Last Ninja saga. After going through all the trouble of killing hundreds and hundreds of enemy warriors, Armakuni finally took his revenge and completed his mission. At least, he thought he had completed his mission. It turns out that Armakuni's arch-nemesis (Kunitoki) is alive and is hanging out in New York City. And so starts a brand new chapter for The Last Ninja. Like the original, this is an action game that has you brawling with all kinds of opponents in cool locations. Unfortunately, the game's wonky isometric angle is also back, which means that you'll be constantly fighting with the controls. If you can get past the frustrating controls, you'll discover that The Last Ninja 2 has a lot of interesting ideas to offer. I like the use of "modern-day" New York City, as well as the phenomenal soundtrack. But even with those things going for it, I couldn't get past the woefully out of date control scheme.

Does It Still Hold Up? I want nothing more than to like The Last Ninja 2, but there's something about the control scheme that drives me up the walls. It's not just the basic combat that never completely gels; it's also that doing basic things like picking up items can be maddeningly difficult. I have no problem with the game's outdated look; I just can't handle the controls.

Is It Worth The Money? I know for a fact that there are a lot of people out there who stuck with the original game long enough to get proficient with the unruly controls. Those people will feel right at home with this installment. The game has a lot of great things to offer, I just didn't care much for the controls. If you loved the original, then by all means check out The Last Ninja 2. However, with its broken controls I find this game incredibly difficult to recommend.

Every week Nintendo announces their new Virtual Console offerings. But what you may not know is that they also announce the newest games for the Wii's specialized WiiWare channel. This is the place where you can download cheap smaller games, the type of titles you would only pay a few dollars for. Thus far we haven't spent much time covering these hidden gems, but today that's going to end. Starting today we're going to cover the WiiWare line-up just as we would any other section. To keep things consistent, we have decided to post all WiiiWare reviews in the form of a limerick. This week we hit back at Family Tennis, try to figure out what Mart Racing is and get to know You, Me and the Cubes!

Family Tennis (Aksys Games)
[ Genre: Sports - Price: 500 Points/$5 ]
I've always wanted to be good at a sport, but I seem to come a little short. I recently bought a racquet to go with my jacket, but I have no intentions on going to a real court.

Mart Racer (Joju Games)
[ Genre: Racing - Price: 800 Points/$8 ]
There once was a Racer named Mart, and he swears he has nothing to do with Mario's Kart. But he's not to be trusted because he's already been busted, last week he told me Rosie O'Donnell is a tart!

You, Me and the Cubes (Nintendo)
[ Genre: Puzzle - Price: 1000 Points/$10 ]
There once was a friendly weighted companion cube, which I killed by throwing it down a fiery tube. Now when I sleep I wake up and weep, because boy do I feel like a boob!

Not content with the Virtual Console and WiiWare, Nintendo has decided to offer up a THIRD avenue for downloading games. That's right, it's the DSiWare, and it's the best (and only) way to download games to your brand new Nintendo DSi. Each week we take a look at Nintendo's uploads through the form of poetry. Haiku, to be exact. Will this reviews help your purchase of DSiWare games? Nah, but they're a lot of fun to read. This week we head to the Art Academy, visit the Clubhouse and pack our MySims Camera!

Art Academy: First Semester (Nintendo)
[ Genre: Art - Price: 800 Points/$8 ]
The first semester.
That's when you can screw around.
It's only art school.


Clubhouse Games Express: Strategy Pack (Nintendo/)
[ Genre: Strategy - Price: 500 Points/$5 ]
My clubhouse is gone!
It burned while I strategized!
Damn my poor tactics!


MySims Camera (Electronic Arts)
[ Genre: App - Price: 200 Points/$2 ]
My camera sits there.
It just sits there motionless.
Why is it yelling?


Oscar in Toyland (Virtual Playground)
[ Genre: App - Price: 800 Points/$8 ]
Oscar came prepared.
He heard about Toyland babes.
Hey, who called the cops?