This Week in Defunct Games - July 12, 2011

What Is It? After weeks of mascot-driven platformers and adventure games, Nintendo finally uploaded their first straight-up action game to the 3DS Virtual Console. It's about time we have a hero willing to pick up a gigantic gun and run through the corridors killing everybody in sight. That's the premise of Fortified Zone, a simplistic Game Boy shooter from Jaleco. This 1992 action game follows the exploits of Masato Kanzaki and Mizuki Makimura, two super tough mercenaries on a quest to infiltrate a literal fortified zone.

The gimmick here is that players can switch between these two characters at any time. While not exactly deep, this gameplay mechanic allowed the developers to create different characteristics for both players. One character is tough and powerful, while the other can leap over spikes and other obstacles. Together you'll have to work as a team to make it through a series of generic levels fighting soldiers, robots and even cars. That's right; Fortified Zone has indoor car bosses. Madness!

Does It Still Hold Up? With an overhead perspective and an emphasis on large, slow-moving characters, Fortified Zone resembles Konami's 8-bit Metal Gear games. But this is not a stealth game, it's a run and gun shooter along the same lines of Contra. The shift in camera angle is a bit jarring, but nothing you can't get over in a minute or two. The characters control well, though the speed of the action leaves a lot to be desired. The lack of level detail becomes apparent the further you journey into this fortified zone.

Is It Worth The Money? If all you're looking for is a predictable overhead action game that resembles Contra, then this four dollar Game Boy port might be a wise investment. I personally found the action dull and the level designs lacking in every conceivable way. The bosses are repetitive, the soldiers are cheap and I found myself nodding off before making it to the final chapters. That's not to say that you can't locate a little fun here and there, but there are better games to buy this week.

What Is It? Even if you don't know it by name, chances are you've seen Qix before. This simple puzzle game has been copies endlessly in the last three decades, a testament to the high quality concept. The idea is simple enough; it's your job to fill in as much of the playfield as possible. To do that you pilot a small diamond-shaped marker who draws boxes to fill in the playfield. But it's not that simple, because you'll need to avoid flying objects, sparks and other obstacles making navigating the board trickier. This Nintendo-published Game Boy port makes the action a bit easier, but that shouldn't keep gamers away from yet another quality puzzler on the 3DS Virtual Console.

Does It Still Hold Up? The controls felt a little stiff, but it's nothing I couldn't get over. There's not a lot of variety to the graphics and levels, however fans of the original like it for the point scoring and not the tight narrative. Still, the repetition does stand out all these years later.

Is It Worth The Money? These days Qix is not the only game in town. Recently Laughing Jackal released Cubixx, a three-dimensional version of Qix for the PSP. Even without the fancy effects and quality music, Qix delivers a solid experience on the Nintendo 3DS. The three dollar asking price makes this a no-brainer, even if you only play it a few minutes here and there. This is a timeless classic that will fit in perfectly next to Donkey Kong and Link's Awakening.

What Is It? When you load up The Rapid Angel the game clearly states (in English) that it's a "High Tension Comical Action Game." I call it a traditional 2D platformer with mild beat-em-up gameplay mechanics. While not laugh-out-loud funny, it's clear that the developers were going for an upbeat action game full of whimsical characters, fantastical situations and an outlandish art style. The result is certainly interesting, even if it largely fails at being a satisfying action game or brawler.

Players choose between a few different characters, each with their own fighting style. From there you run around fighting similar looking guards, monsters and other generic baddies. Eventually the adventure will take you through a forest, on a moving train, underground, in a cave, and so on so forth. The humor is largely doled out in lengthy dialog sequences, none of which have been translated into English.

Does It Still Hold Up? Although the story elements are in a foreign language, 2D platforming is universal. There's nothing spectacular about the gameplay here, especially when it comes to the disappointing fighting techniques. The game is littered with cheap hits and useless attacks, the kinds of things that should have been tolerated in 1998. The graphics are also sub-par, looking more like a high-res Super NES game than a mid-generation PlayStation release.

Is It Worth The Money? The Rapid Angel reminds me of J.J. & Jeff, another Japanese game that tried to mix humor with platforming action. You don't need to understand the jokes to play through this simplistic action game, but I'm sure it helps. The gameplay isn't good enough to overcome boring level designs and cheap bosses. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something crucial, which is not what I'm looking for in a PS1 game. As it is the game isn't weird or funny enough to warrant a full recommendation.

What Is It? What first looks like an impenetrable wall of Japanese nonsense quickly becomes an insanely addictive action/puzzler. Yakiniku Bugyou is not unlike Midway's Root Beer Tapper, a game in which players are forced to serve impatient customers or get fired. Here players place different types of meats and vegetables on a small grill, making sure to fully cook everything before serving it to one of three picky eaters. Each customer tells you exactly what they love and hate, making it the cook's job to properly distribute the food in a timely fashion. The faster the food is served the happier the customers will be, awarding players points and words of encouragement. But don't make the people at the table wait too long or else their life bar will drop and you'll be out looking for another job.

Does It Still Hold Up? Although more complicated than Root Beer Tapper, Yakiniku Bugyou manages to hold up as a solid (albeit stressful) action/puzzle game. You'll need quick hands and an eye for detail in order to please every last customer. Things become increasingly complicated as the guests will change their mind mid-meal. Balancing everybody's likes with meat that cooks at different speeds is enough to make you go crazy, but the solid gameplay makes doing the job a breeze. Just don't call it Raw Meat Tapper!

Is It Worth The Money? It's worth mentioning that gamers should probably spend a few minutes perusing Monkey Paw Games' website to learn the ins and outs of the gameplay. After that you'll be treated to a surprisingly entertaining restaurant simulator. While it's not exactly like going to Benihana, Yakiniku Bugyou offers enough speedy action to warrant the six dollar price tag. Best of all, the game is tiny. Weighing in at a mere 50 mb, this PS1 classic is small enough to put on just about any PSP memory stick.