No, not Crackdown ... I'm talking about Crack Down, the crappy Sega game from the early 1990s. This cover is so ridiculous that I thought about not even covering it, sometimes bad cover art just speaks for itself. But then I was reminded of something I was told at a recent Activision party, after a night of heavy drinking somebody suggested that I compile a list of every cover and advertisement that had some half-naked army dude screaming into the camera. Perhaps one day I'll work on that list, but for now you're going to have to settle for this picture of Crack Down that has a, you guessed it, half-naked man screaming into the camera. But what sets this game apart from all those America's Army games is that this guy has perhaps the silliest scream of them all, he looks like a stroke patient trying to tell us something important. He's not even looking at what he's firing at.

And let's not gloss over that point too quickly, neither of these half-naked commandos seem to be paying attention to what's going on. Perhaps if they actually looked around they would notice that all of the action is behind them. I mean, at one side we have a Storm Trooper with a neck brace on and on the other side it's a charging gorilla. I don't know who you target first in that scenario, but I'm sure it would have made the last three Star Wars movies more entertaining. But forget about the injured Storm Trooper and the charging gorilla, the biggest problem seems to be this goat-man-thing right behind them. I may not know much about being on the frontlines of a war, but I do know that if I saw a large goat towering over me that would probably be my top priority. Of course, you might as well let all that fire in the background take care of him, after all I hear goat fur is flammable. Now that I think about it, so is gorilla fur. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the only target worth going after would be the Storm Trooper who recently got into a car accident. Mr. Trooper, you're day are numbered!