You just got your feelings hurt by Simon Cowell on American Idol, you sat horrified through a Pink Panther remake and you recently had your multi-million dollar book deal yanked after the Smoking Gun outted your memoires as nothing more than lies. It sounds like you just barely made it through February 2006, a month that brought us a possible break up of TomKat, a huge lawsuit for Howard Stern, and a drug bust for George Michael. But just because you shot your elder hunting partner, Mr. Cheney, that doesn't mean we're done talking thinking about the second month of 2006. This is Defunct Games RECAPPED!! and we're about to look back at some of the best, worst, and most disturbing articles found on Defunct Games! It's a chance to reflect on what we loved and what we hated; a time for some of us to reflect on just why we went to the Olympics at all, Bode Miller. It's the easiest way to be in the know, even if you were the last one on your black to learn that Britney Spears was pregnant again! I give you the February 2006 RECAPPED!!
Why This Article?
Generally Februarys are slow months. There aren't a lot of games coming out in February and even less news, it's the type of month where most game journalists start prepping for bigger months, like March and May. This should have been a hard month for Defunct Games, but thanks to the inept video game media we were able to come up with at least a couple worthwhile articles. One such article was GamePro's Almost Perfect Game of the Year, our favorite article of February 2006.
GamePro takes a lot of abuse from this site, especially when it comes to them making silly comments that seriously undermine their credibility. This month they decided to give Resident Evil 4 their Game of the Year award. That's not so bad, just about every other magazine and website did the same thing. But what sets GamePro apart is how they scored Capcom's survival horror title. Instead of doing whatever other journalist did and give the game a near-perfect score, GamePro found a couple of strange things to nitpick. They ended up giving Resident Evil the same score that they gave the newest Dragon Ball Z game, which should send up red flags to all of their readers. In this article Defunct Games attempts to get to the bottom of this controversy, which ends up being a lot more convoluted than originally thought. This is the type of article that is sure to ruffle some feathers, but we like it enough to name it our favorite show of February.
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Writing about GamePro is always fun. For one thing it's easy, it seems like they are sticking their foot in their mouth just about every month. But the real joy I get from talking about GamePro is the email I receive defending the magazine. Usually when I write about GamePro I get a good twenty emails trying to explain why I'm wrong, but this time around the response was mute. Seems like even the most die-hard GamePro fans agree that they undervalued Resident Evil 4 the first (and second) time they reviewed it, and to make up for it they decided to award it the game of the year ... even though there were plenty of games that scored higher. Resident Evil 4 is one of the best games of the year, that's why GamePro should have give it a solid 5.0, not some stupid 4.5. There's no reason XIII should get a better score than the mighty Resident Evil 4. No reason at all!"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
It's not often that I have a chance to slam War Gods and Street Fighter II all in the same article, but thanks to Midway and Capcom's inept advertising department we're able to rip each of them apart. Throw Sylvester Stallone in the mix and you have the perfect Commercial Break. Think this episode can't get any better? You obviously haven't seen the original advert for wipEout. This Commercial Break has it all, blood, guts, Balrog, and Sly Stallone, so how can you go wrong? Okay, it doesn't have Mario (that's in the other Commercial Break from last month), but who cares when you have a guy in a Kabuki getup.
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Can somebody please explain to me what they were thinking when they designed that hideous wipEout ad? This is one of my favorite early PlayStation games (and the PSP version has a special place in my heart), but I can't for the life of me figure out what they were going for with this bloody mess. There is nothing in that advertisement that should appeal to anybody, I don't care who you are. About the only person who might buy the game after seeing this commercial is the high-as-a-kite cocaine junkie. But you know what, I have a feeling this commercial might have better luck as an anti-drug commercial sponsored by the Ad Council. The rest of the adverts in this Commercial Break are bad, but this wipEout spot is simply disturbing!"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Meet Maki. Maki was one of the new characters found in the dreadful brawler, Final Fight 2. After beating up hundreds of people Maki got a job in Capcom vs. SNK 2, a game that saw her with a brand new look and better moves. And now, thanks to Capcom, Maki has been hired once again to become the newest fighter in Street Fighter Alpha 3, and the media is all abuzz. But don't expect anybody to remember Maki's signature game, her real big break -- Final Fight 2. You would think that somebody - maybe a magazine editor or employee of Capcom - might remember that she played nothing more than a supporting role in Capcom vs. SNK 2, and the game she should be credited for is that dreadful brawler Final Fight 2. This is one of our favorite articles because it was the first time somebody got up and reminded everybody what game the real credit belongs to. If it wasn't for this article most of you probably wouldn't even know Final Fight 2 was her birthplace ... heck, most of you probably wouldn't even know there was a Final Fight 2! This is an educational show, a very special episode of On Running Feuds. Enjoy this second helping.
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Everybody Hates Maki ended generating a lot more fan support than I had envisioned. Although it felt like the media wasn't giving Street Fighter Alpha's newest vixen her proper dues, it became abundantly clear that this blonde-haired lass had more than a few supporters out there. My email box was flooded with support for Maki, many people taking offense to the articles name. There were a few that attempted to defend GameSpot and other publications, but most concede that it's sad that Defunct Games has to be the first to remind people that Maki is from Final Fight 2. It's great for us, but terrible for Capcom and all the magazines that claim to know their stuff."
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
Either it was a good month for the Commercial Break or all the other shows were disappointments, because this is our second episode to crack our top five. In the Heat of the Bad Advertising may not be our favorite of the month, but don't let that persuade you from checking it out as well. You think it's rare to be able to make fun of Street Fighter II and Mortal Kombat? In this episode of the Commercial Break we have a chance to ridicule Mario, how rare is that? But don't worry Nintendo fanboys, In the Heat of the Bad Advertising has more than just Mario bashing. It features not one, but two reviews of STD advertising. Oh, and we're also making fun of ninjas. But come on, Mario is really the attraction here, and he's enough to make us nominate this article as one of the five best of February 2006!
Post-Article Thoughts:
"For all you people out there who emailed Defunct Games trying to tell me that Mario is sacred and that there was to be no humor at his expense, you all really have to get a life. There is nothing in this world serious enough that you can't joke about it. Comedians know that nothing is off limits; not dead, not religious, not politics ... nothing! Believe it or not there are people who email the site suggesting that because I have the gall to make fun of Mario I must hate all of his games, ignore the fact that Super Mario Bros. 3 is one of my all time favorite games. If you pour through all of the old episodes in Defunct Gmaes you will notice that Sega, Sonic, and other non-Nintendo properties get much harsher treatment. Just because Mario has consistently starred in great games, that doesn't mean we can't make fun of them. Well, maybe I was a bit too hasty when I said that he was "consistently" in good games. Find out some of his deep dark secrets when Defunct Games starts reviewing CD-i games this March. You'll never believe the stuff they had him doing!"
-Cyril Lachel
Why This Article?
That's a really good question. Unfortunately it's a question we just don't have an answer to, and that's probably why this article didn't rank higher. This On Running Feud focuses on Sony's Warhawk announcement; giving gamers everywhere hope that the makers of the PlayStation might remember their roots. This is the type of article that twists and turns, first becoming a wish-list and then turning into a plea. Defunct Games hopes that Warhawk is the start of a long tradition of Sony recognizing their early efforts (like Nintendo does), but maybe that's just wishful thinking. But these concerns need to be addressed, and who is going to do anything about it if nobody says anything? Although this may be a selfish article, it's one of the five you should have read.
Post-Article Thoughts:
"Although Jumping Flash appears in the title, it's really only a side note in this article. The truth is that this show was supposed to have Warhawk in the title, but I was having a difficult time fitting that title into a headline. So here we have a headline that has very little to do with the overall article, but maybe that's the point. Maybe this article wasn't supposed to have a coherent title. Hmm ... isn't denial the first step? Oh nevermind."
-Cyril Lachel
